It's bunny tracks, which is a fancy name for vanilla with peanut butter and lots of chocolate candy.

It's kind of funny that you pose that Q, MSA, since H has never been big on real cake, except carrot cake.

Sigh. After a sleepless night, I have just sent an email to my out of state family to inform them of the situation and ask for money. I had told a couple of them over the phone, but I don't think everyone knows. Maybe someone will be able to help. I doubt it, but I can hope, right?

I'm just so angry that H would do something like this. If he really cared about DD, he wouldn't be doing this, period, but it especially burns me up that he's doing it knowing that I don't have the funds for an attorney. He's going to try to run all over me, I just know it. There isn't much I can sell that isn't joint property, except maybe a few of my dad's tools. Mom's BF said he will send me some money, which will definitely help and is so generous, but it won't even cover half of the retainer fee. I'm going to have use DD's college account, which makes me feel really, really low. And even then, it's going to be a very, very tight squeeze. I've already gotten a forberance on my student loan and am living with the bare necessities. Am I missing any money ideas? If you have any, please share!!

SM05 -

I am so terribly, terribly sorry you are going through this.

Don't let him blame you no matter what. You aren't perfect (none of us are) but we NEVER deserve this.

He is attempting to justify his actions to make HIMSELF feel better. They all do that. My WW still does it.

Don't fall for it. You are right, he is wrong. Period.

Georgia

I just went back and read your last night experiences.

I sure ain't the Plan B king, but somethings I had to learn from my friends here I think apply to you.

As long as he is seeing you, DD, & OW.....he isn't feeling any sense of "loss". As hard as it is to believe, even an argument with you feeds his need to know you are still there.

IMO, you need to study Plan B and disappear from his radar screen. Totally. Make him know what life is like when you AREN'T a part of it. You and he have been together a long time...you are a part of the life he knows. The sooner he has to realize and FEEL that you are gone...history...he MAY start wondering to himself if that is what he really wants. OW for the REST of his life.

If OW is like most OW's I read about....that may scare him a bit.

Anxious to hear about your attorney's latest visit. Be sure you are comfortable with him before you commit. Don't panic.... (easier said than done, right?).

Georgia

Hurting's attorney is going to have her H pay her fees. Can you talk to yourlawyer about that??

Is your WH supporting you financially otherwise?

Kim

Yes, I've been following hurting's thread. The attorney said a judge would most likely rule for H to reimburse the fees, but I still have to come up with it up front. He did say I could pay what I could now to get things started, which helps. I will ask him today about something else he said... that we could request a hearing for a judge to rule he pay them before the real hearing. Other than that, H has been making his usual deposits for joint expenses, but I don't know how long that will continue once he files. For all I know, the papers are all in order and all he has to do is make a phone call. Knowing him, that's how it's set up.

I'm freaked b/c I only get paid once a month. The prospect of caring for a baby and myself on such a limited budget after that check is written is very scary.

Do you have a joint charge card that WH pays? Is so, ask your attorney if he can take a charge card.

It's a dirty trick, but all's fair in...well, you know.

Hurting - Did you see what FGG said about Plan B? Please, please give it some hard thought. You can draw up your letter & have everyone give feedback here. He is still feeding off of you.

Kim

Sad:

I've been trying to catch up on your situation...

I noticed you said:



I would love to help you change this thought process.. NEVER GIVE UP YOUR HOPE...The evildoers, including your now WH and the OW, are counting on this...If you give up HOPE for YOURSELF, it is a given that THEY WILL BE VICTORIOUS OVER YOU....

I think your WH is bluffing you....

I think he was feeling you out and trying to get information from you...

He is a TYPICAL WH...a deceitful, scheming liar...trying to make you feel that this is your fault...

It's time to start FIGHTING....

I discovered stuff all on my own..

Get out your camera..go by the OW's house and take a photo of his car there..gather as much info. as you can indicating his adulterous R with her...

DON'T TELL HIM WHAT YOU HAVE DISCOVERED....

Be pleasant and light in your interactions with him..like you don't have a care in the world....

No begging and pleading about..why are you doing this to me, etc.

GAIN HIS RESPECT....

You no longer want to entertain his conversations about what you did in the PAST...

The PAST is over..."I want to be a better wife now and in the future..I can change..etc." This should be the flavor of your PRESENT conversations with him.

TIME TO FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!!!!!

SM05 -

Another suggestion.

If you think you may have to 'prove' adultery, then do drive-by's several times over the course of a whole night. But, I would suggest that instead of a camera (which can be manipulated), take a "witness" with you, someone that is independent enough that if the 2 of you stood in front of a judge and said his car was at her house on the night of xx/xx/2005 at the times of 11:00 PM / 1:00 AM / 3:00 AM / 5:00 AM....well, you get the idea.

It would be hard for him to explain that to a judge and deny wrongdoing.

Georgia

Thanks for the suggestion, GG, but the attorney advised me not to mess with it anymore out of concerns for my safety.

I took a deep breath and did it this morning. It was hard, but I did it. Who knows if he'll beat me to it, though.

Nothing I've put on here could be used against me, could it?

I certainly don't think so, because you've done nothing wrong.

Turns out I beat him to it. H will be served probably sometime this week, could be tomorrow even. Had a friend over to help me change the locks tonight on the attorney's advice. I'm very scared, because I know H will be really mad. He has had the upper hand in this whole mess, and here I am, taking control of the situation.

I did a lot of soul searching and praying before I took this step. I didn't want it to come to this. But as badly as I want the marriage, if it's going to end, I'd rather do it on my terms than his. I have DD to think of, and my own future. Hopefully he will be willing to work with me on a fair settlement and it won't go to court. Heck, hopefully he'll want to reconcile. But I really don't see it happening.

I'm surprised I haven't heard from him today, because he left last night before anything was said about when he would see DD again.

SM -

O.k. It's done. I believe that your WH is going to be angry. They hate it when the BS takes back control. Do you have anyone who can stay with you some?

I know you really thought this through. You are doing the best thing for your situation. We will support you here through this.

Stay strong. Take care of DD. I am sorry that you are going through this....

Kim

SadMommy,

It was nice to meet you and your wonderful little girl Sunday evening. I've just now read part of your story. All I can say is your H is an idiot to walk away from that child.

I feel angry at him, I must admit. I don't understand such men. All I want is a family. He had a faithful, committed wife - and a child so perfect, so delightful.... I don't understand how anybody could walk away from that.

All of this will pass. Take care of yourself and your sweet little one and don't worry.

The sun will shine on you again.

-AD

I'm not really worried about him being physically violent. He isn't the confrontational type. But b/c he will be mad, he may be very hard to work with. I really don't want this to be nasty...

Please keep us in your prayers!

SAdmommy,

I know exacttly how you are feeling right now. Expect for him to be angry because he will be. That was the one thing I feared myself and it came to pass.

Yu he ranted and raved about it, not to me though because I am in planb but to everyone else he did. Yes he came to the house and took things he shouldn't have and threatened to take the car but so far things have calmed down.

So prepare yourself for the anger but remember it will only last do long. Try and stay strong and not let it get to you.

Things will be ok and you will be ok not matter what happens....

Take Care of yourself and DD ......


Hurting

P.S. You did this to protect your child and your home, you did the right thing....

Thank you, Hurting. It really means a lot that you took some time to post to my thread. I have been following your thread, too, and you and your family are in my prayers.

I just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you SM05.

I am at the point of filing for a divorce I don't want either. But like you said, if this is going to happen, it should happen on our terms.

SM -

You've taken control of the situation. No matter where it leads, make him KNOW that YOU are in control. You're not his puppet.

Georgia