My mom says there's some legal term for a homewrecker. Has anyone heard of this?

Not sure what your Mom is referring to. Let us know if you find out!

I can't believe this! DD is finally getting her first tooth. On the way home from La Leche League tonight, I figured we'd swing by H's apartment to show him her chopper. His truck was there, but no lights on. So I called him:

Me: Hi. Where are you?
H: I'm watching the CMAs.
Me: Where at? DD has her first tooth. We tried to come by your apartment and show you, but you're not home.
H: I'm at OW's.
Me: How did you get there, since your truck is at your place?
H: I walked the dog over. (It's over 3 miles away)


Is he really this dumb, thinking it's OK to be at her house? Is THIS how he thinks he's smart enough to outwit a PI, parking his truck at his place? Does he think I'M this stupid? I am so ticked off right now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

SadMommy -

I wish you didn't have to expose yourself to him and his cruelty anymore. I really think you need a break from his behavior.

Yep, the WS really thinks that we are Stupid. When I slipped up once & told WH how I knew about some his contact it freaked him out so badly.......He didn't realize how smart I was!

That is so awesome about DD's first tooth!! Your little one is growing up - and it happens SO FAST. Treasure this time and age!!

Kim

Sad:

With all due respect, if I didn't know better, I 'd think you still thought he was in "NC" or something else. You know he is cheating, you know that he is seeing the OW...why would it suprise you at his actions? Did I miss somthing else here. Yes, I can understand your dissapointment that he doesn't really care that your beloved DD got her first tooth, but ramping up your anger at things that you KNOW are happening is kind of perplexing to me. Do I have this right, or am I missing something?

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

P.S. TO answer you question,.....Yes, your WH is that dumb.

Hi SM05,

Yes, any man who would leave his faithful and loving wife AND a wonderful little child (I've met yours), is stupid.

Hey ... I wanted to ask you a question: In your signature, you quote something by somebody named "AD", who obviously isn't me. Who is it?

-AD

Hi SM05

Sorry to hear that your DD milestone doesn't seem to be that big a deal for your WH.

They really are dumb, he is missing out on the best thing that will ever happen to him. My WBF got very angry with me when I found out he was living with other women asked where I was getting this information from and even asked if I had someone following him! I told him that I just wasn't stupid. WS arrggh!

Amen to that.

Sad,

I totally know how you feel. Even though you know he is cheating - when you see or hear evidence of the fact it is a slap in the face.

tdr

Now I am kind of freaked out. I took DD to see her dad tonight. I commented on all the childproofing he had done, found out he had bought her a bath towel... you know, he's doing baby things, which is good. I asked him why he didn't do it earlier, and he said it was because DD wasn't allowed out of the house for a month and a half. I replied with, that's because you didn't have an apartment and I really don't want her to be around OW.

He looked at me kind of funny. Since he gave me a funny look, I asked if DD had been around OW. He said no, and I said it's hard to trust him. He said it's hard to trust me, too. I asked him what he meant, and he wouldn't tell me. Just said I have been lying to him but wouldn't say why he thinks that. He said that from what he's heard, I don't like OW either. I asked him what gave him that idea, other than what I have said to him. He wouldn't tell me but kind of smirked.

He then said that since I don't think too highly of OW, does that mean DD can't be around me? I said OW isn't in the equation with that, because I'm DD's mother.

I am freaking out trying to remember if I have said anything incriminating to the mystery man. I don't think I have. I pretty much let him do all the talking, but I think I did say a thing or two about what I know about how she has treated the men in her life since I have known her. But now I'm wondering if it was a set up especially since I haven't heard from the guy, and I'm afraid of what H is cooking up.

I guess most of all, I'm really starting to doubt myself. What if this is all in my head? What if there really isn't anything going between H and OW? What if they really ARE just friends?

And am I handling this badly? He was saying tonight that I was staying longer than was prudent when I dropped her off to take jabs at him, and that I'm putting DD in a bad situation. I was there for 10 minutes.

OK do not freak out. Who cares if you like the ow or not that is not a factor in the D.

Sounds like he is getting deeper in the fog and she filled his head with some crap. Ow have a way of always making us look bad.

Sad - I wish I would follow my own advice but I really think you would benefit by Plan B.

tdr

Yeah, be careful of mystery man, you may be being set up. You know him better, whose "side" he would be on. Really, what was his motivation for calling and telling you all this info? The goodness of his heart? Think it through.

I seriously doubt the A is all in your head. He is deep in the fog, has justified his relationship with OW to the hilt, to the point of equating DD being not around you or her because of your feelings for the other? That is just crazy thinking.

As far as it's hard to trust you (according to him)? Of course he feels that way, you filed for D w/o telling him in advance, you are setting up your game plan to protect yourself and DD. Of course in his fogged in mind that seems untrustworthy. My WH thought my filing for D was HOSTILE. Dear dear Pepperband set him straight, bless her heart.

So this is new news to your WH, that you don't think highly of OW? I find that surprising. I think he's just trying to goad you into saying and doing things to sabotage your position, and to gain back his feeling of control that he lost when you went & filed for D.

I agree with TDR, sounds like time for Plan B.

MSA

Agreed to all of the above! SadMommy, he is trying to get your goat. Don't let him do it. He has all of those baby things put out to rile you up.

I am going to suggest with the others Plan B again....

Hugs to you and DD.

Why should you worry about what you think about OW???? Not liking someone can't be held against you in court!!

Kim

Maybe so.

Just checking in... our dance troupe had a show out of town last night, and it went really well.

I ended up getting a sitter, b/c H had said if I wasn't back by a certain time, he'd keep her overnight, and my attorney said that's a no-no. So I was able to relax and enjoy myself for a change. I REALLY needed that.

H has DD right now and is due back any minute. I feel a little freaked b/c right as he was here to get her, our mutual guy friend from out of state pulled up. Hadn't talked to him in a few weeks, had no idea he was coming. That's not unusual for him, because he usually drops by when he's in town. Guy friend and I went to lunch, then he left. Didn't even talk about the divorce much.

I'm sure H will try to use it against me. I made sure to tell guy friend to call H to see if they could hang out before he leaves town.

Maybe the lawyers will actually meet Monday. H's lawyer was supposed to call mine Friday but it didn't happen.

Thanks for the update, still praying for you daily!

Thanks, Mrs. S. I truly appreciate all the support and prayers from the board. I wish there was a local support group, but there's nothing unless you count the single ministry programs at churches. What I would really like is a group for divorcing moms.

I am so grateful for the dance troupe... sometimes there is nothing better than some good old-fashioned girl bonding.

I hate to say it, but this is starting to feel more normal. I've stopped punishing myself... no more drive-bys! I guess once you really accept that you can only control your own behavior, things get a little easier.

Our guy friend said something pretty good at lunch today... when this is all over, no one will remember who is right and who is wrong, but they will remember how you both acted. Above everything else, stay strong and act with dignity. And it's not over yet. And of course, there's the old stand-by from Mom... "God don't like ugly!"

Sadmommy,

What your friend said to you is the truth. I guess I never really thought about it. People won't remember who did what but they will rmemeber how we all acted. You have a wise friend there, was very good advice from him.

Take Care

Hurting

Yep. He's always given great advice to both of us. I just hope H doesn't try to use friend's "dropping by" against me. I guess it'd be pretty hard to do so. I've talked to friend maybe 3-4 times since H left. Compare that to how many phone calls/visits there have been between H and OW.

I'm sure my paranoia is totally unwarranted.

SM05 -

I would suggest that you use extreme caution and discretion at having a guy friend "stop by" at this time in your life.

Georgia

I know, I know. I didn't invite him. Hadn't talked to him in weeks. He just showed up.