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Thanks, you guys.
DD is indeed the center of my world right now, and my mom said that we will bond more closely than if H would have stayed. She's getting to the age now where her personality really shines. Last night after we got home from work/daycare, she was in such a good mood and just laughed and laughed. Got me laughing too.
As far as my support system, Brat, my mom lives 800+ miles away, but we talk on the phone daily. My younger brothers (21 and 25) live about an hour away. My best friends live in Maine and North Carolina, and another close one lives about 45 minutes away. However, she's a new mom, too, and is pretty busy with her little one.
In town, I have work friends, and that's about it. I'm in a dance troupe, and I'm getting close to those cool ladies as well. DD and I also go to church and La Leche League. So I guess my support system is pretty good. However, sometimes all I want is someone who can hold me when I cry, and I don't really have that.
I cried a little, wrote in my journal, and got a good night's sleep. Maybe today will be better...
(Formerly SadMommy05)
BS, 29 (me)
XH, 27
DD, 1
M, 2001 high school sweethearts
OW, 36, divorcee, "we have a friendship people can't understand"
WH left out of the blue 9/5/2005
I filed 11/1/2005 D finalized 6/20/06 
XH and OW married 1/6/07. Ugh!
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Sadmommy, Boy, you and I are very much in the same boat! My family is 1200 miles away. I am in Houston - are you anywhere near me? I bet you are feeling very loney and overwhelmed - I know I did - and still do. I learned some things, though....if the dishes don't get done, laundry doesn't get put away, house isn't immaculate - so what! I spent alot of time looking at the stress/pressure I was putting on myself to do everything I was "supposed to do" and learned to prioritize. If you would like to chat further, you can e-mail me at legalbeagle86@hotmail.comRegards, BB
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Hi, Brit. Nope, nowhere near you. I'm in Georgia.
The whole "keeping the house nice" is tough for me. I've always been a bit of perfectionist on that front, but I'm learning to relax and let it go. My priority now is spending time with DD, b/c I know she won't be little for long!
H and I had all these great intentions for how we were going to raise DD... no formula ever, only breast milk. No commercial baby food, all homemade purees in the freezer. Cloth diapers and homemade baby wipes while at home. It's hard not to feel a little guilty about buying those little jars at the grocery store, but I know time is more important than that stuff.
I've read a little of your story, Brit, and it sounds like you have had an awful time. Thinking of you...
(Formerly SadMommy05)
BS, 29 (me)
XH, 27
DD, 1
M, 2001 high school sweethearts
OW, 36, divorcee, "we have a friendship people can't understand"
WH left out of the blue 9/5/2005
I filed 11/1/2005 D finalized 6/20/06 
XH and OW married 1/6/07. Ugh!
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Sadmommy,
I hope you are having a better day and that you got a good nights sleep.
Your parenting practices sound alot like mine. If you are interested in checking out a parenting bulletin board, you might want to look at Mothering.com. They have an extremely large and active bulletin board. I don't have the site bookmarked anymore, I got pretty addicted and had to delete it, I was wasting way to much time on it. But if you want a place to gab about cloth dipes and BFing and cloth wipes etc, you might love it there.
I hope you and DD have a great day.
Me-41 BS (FWS) DH-41 WS (FBS) 2DD's- 10 and 12 Married 15 years Separated for 2 years after my A Reconciled for 1 year before his A D-day for his A 8/23/05 WH moved out 9/16/05 Divorce final 1/23/07 Affair ended or month or so later My Story
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Hi, Jean. thanks for the mothering bb. Actually, we stopped doing cloth soon after I went back to work. I just sold the rest of what I had on ebay. Daycare won't do cloth, and we just weren't using enough of them to fill up a laundry load as often as they needed to be washed. I am proud to say, though, that we used them for the first 3 months of DD's life.
My whole point of that last post is that H has deprived DD and me of so many things, including the plans we had to do things like I mentioned. Stinks.
(Formerly SadMommy05)
BS, 29 (me)
XH, 27
DD, 1
M, 2001 high school sweethearts
OW, 36, divorcee, "we have a friendship people can't understand"
WH left out of the blue 9/5/2005
I filed 11/1/2005 D finalized 6/20/06 
XH and OW married 1/6/07. Ugh!
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Posts: 2,197
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I know what you mean SM. You two came up with a plan and dreams and then poof. But, for me, I am starting to realize that I can still raise the children how we had planned, and I don't have to include any of the stuff that I was compromising on.
During the last separation, H's parenting style would change depending on who he was dating. That was extremely frustrating. Until I finally just decided, it does NOT 'take a village', I was doing fine on my end. If he needed help with his part, that was his deal. But I was not going to give his GF any voting power on child rearing in my home.
Oh, I wish I could say something that makes it easier on you. But it just stink either way you slice it. My main thing now is staying focused on who I want to be as a woman and a mother. I am just going to stop worrying about who WH wants to be when he grows up.
Me-41 BS (FWS) DH-41 WS (FBS) 2DD's- 10 and 12 Married 15 years Separated for 2 years after my A Reconciled for 1 year before his A D-day for his A 8/23/05 WH moved out 9/16/05 Divorce final 1/23/07 Affair ended or month or so later My Story
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I know, I should just let it go and not worry about what WH does. I do a good job of that most of the time, but dang it, sometimes it just really hurts.
Today was a better day, though. Work was good, DD was in a great, silly mood tonight, and we have plans to go visit friends tomorrow. They have a new baby, too (born in August), so it will be great to talk about mommy/baby stuff for a while instead of all this mess.
(Formerly SadMommy05)
BS, 29 (me)
XH, 27
DD, 1
M, 2001 high school sweethearts
OW, 36, divorcee, "we have a friendship people can't understand"
WH left out of the blue 9/5/2005
I filed 11/1/2005 D finalized 6/20/06 
XH and OW married 1/6/07. Ugh!
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H and I had all these great intentions for how we were going to raise DD... no formula ever, only breast milk. No commercial baby food, all homemade purees in the freezer. Cloth diapers and homemade baby wipes while at home. LOL, I just had to comment on this. There is a family member of mine who is very gung ho about this stuff....to the point of being militirastic....She ranted and raved at Thanksgiving how Formula was evil, and that cribs and carrier manufacturers were the devil, and that all children should breastfeed untill they are 3 or 4 and that babies should sleep in their parents beds untill they are ready to leave the bed (4 or 5years old perhaps). She called it "attachment parenting"......I kind of just chuckled to myself (but did NOT say anything)....because she sure got an "attached" child alright...her child will NOT let anyone near her or even let her own father soothe her or take of her....the child runs the house, and the father has taken to moving to the coach permanently so the baby (2 yr old) and mother can get their "bonding" time and sleep in the parents bedrrom... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Sadmommy, your comment above just kind of made me chuckle a little......I wasn't implying anything about your methods or "intentions"...just laughing to myslef. In fact, please pay it no mind. Hope your doing better today. Lem edited to add: Sad, I just realized that you will probably take offense to my post above now that I think of it. Just ignore it. I don't want to delete it as I promised I would not delete my posts any longer.
Last edited by lemonman; 12/02/05 09:19 PM.
Some people just don't get it, they don't get it that they don't get it.
I had the right to remain silent.......but I didn't have the ability.
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No offense taken. I'm not militant about it. DD sleeps in her own crib, which some of my fellow moms in La Leche League think is nuts. While I don't like formula, I don't criticize other moms who use it.
And yes, today was better, thanks! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
I know I will feel so much better after this is all over. I hate having the uncertainties associated with divorce hanging over my head like this... not knowing how long it'll take, how much it will cost, how DD and I will end up out of it... it's hard to think about all that stuff.
(Formerly SadMommy05)
BS, 29 (me)
XH, 27
DD, 1
M, 2001 high school sweethearts
OW, 36, divorcee, "we have a friendship people can't understand"
WH left out of the blue 9/5/2005
I filed 11/1/2005 D finalized 6/20/06 
XH and OW married 1/6/07. Ugh!
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I almost feel like this whole thing is surreal, like it would hurt too much to really sit and think about it, so I don't. I almost feel like I have a superficial grasp of the situation... Like I just gloss over it and don't really allow myself to feel the full extent of the pain and betrayal. That really scares me, b/c what's going to happen when it really hits me... I don't think I'm there yet.
Grrr... if there wasn't a DD involved, this would be easier. It would be easy to say, "well, F you, you've made your choice" and get on with my life. It's harder to say that, though, when I look down at my peacefully nursing DD and think about what her daddy is doing to our family.
On top of all this, she gave me her latest case of daycare-itis, and I'm stuffed up like crazy. On the plus side, though, two very exciting things happened today. DD stood up on her own for the first time. She also took a tentative step and a half from the entertainment cabinet to my arms with the biggest grin I've ever seen. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
(Formerly SadMommy05)
BS, 29 (me)
XH, 27
DD, 1
M, 2001 high school sweethearts
OW, 36, divorcee, "we have a friendship people can't understand"
WH left out of the blue 9/5/2005
I filed 11/1/2005 D finalized 6/20/06 
XH and OW married 1/6/07. Ugh!
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Posts: 2,197
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(((Sadmommy)))
I miss those baby mile stones, so sweet!!
I hear the pain in your post, I am so sorry. I do wish we could all fast forward to the "happily ever after" part. i do believe we have that part coming, we just have to get through this detour.
I think you and I both feel this as we can stand it. I get these little bolts of reality every now and then, I freak out, then recover. I think I get these reality shots in doses that I can handle. I don't think it will hit either of us in a dose that we can't deal with.
Give DD's big walking legs a squeeze for me - does she have those great chunky thighs??
Me-41 BS (FWS) DH-41 WS (FBS) 2DD's- 10 and 12 Married 15 years Separated for 2 years after my A Reconciled for 1 year before his A D-day for his A 8/23/05 WH moved out 9/16/05 Divorce final 1/23/07 Affair ended or month or so later My Story
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Posts: 833
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Jean, you better believe she has chunky baby legs!! So darn cute... and WH missed that first step!
I never thought about it the way you put it... that we get those reality shots in doses we can handle. That makes sense.
(Formerly SadMommy05)
BS, 29 (me)
XH, 27
DD, 1
M, 2001 high school sweethearts
OW, 36, divorcee, "we have a friendship people can't understand"
WH left out of the blue 9/5/2005
I filed 11/1/2005 D finalized 6/20/06 
XH and OW married 1/6/07. Ugh!
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Posts: 833
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Posts: 833 |
Just checking in... DD did it again tonight and has been standing up without holding onto anything, chewing on her toys. I am so proud of her.
Went to church this morning with my neighbors, and I started crying during the sermon. The pastor was in the second week of the Christmas program and was talking about Jesus as a Savior, that we all need saving and anything you lay at the feet of the savior is taken care of. He was talking about illness, financial problems, and broken marriages. THAT got me crying.
I feel like I pray for that every night, for God to take this over. But so far, I don't see how that is helping.
(Formerly SadMommy05)
BS, 29 (me)
XH, 27
DD, 1
M, 2001 high school sweethearts
OW, 36, divorcee, "we have a friendship people can't understand"
WH left out of the blue 9/5/2005
I filed 11/1/2005 D finalized 6/20/06 
XH and OW married 1/6/07. Ugh!
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Well, God does take it over, but sometimes it is not in our timing.
Ha-ha. You are thrilled that Baby-Girl is walking. Now THAT is the start of a whole new chapter. You will soon remember fondly the times where it took her awhile to get around!
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That's the hard part, believer... learning to accept that it's not MY schedule.
(Formerly SadMommy05)
BS, 29 (me)
XH, 27
DD, 1
M, 2001 high school sweethearts
OW, 36, divorcee, "we have a friendship people can't understand"
WH left out of the blue 9/5/2005
I filed 11/1/2005 D finalized 6/20/06 
XH and OW married 1/6/07. Ugh!
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Posts: 2,200
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SM - I so remember DS's first steps!!! One of my favorite memories of him as a baby. Be sure to have the camcorder ready!!!!!
I got teary at church today too.....Sometimes just the singing before the sermon does it to me! This was from today's service:
"God is great - even in our darkest hour. When our hearts are hardened, black, and cold. He is the Light. When all seems lost, tangled, and lifeless He is the Provider. In the stillness He is Lord."
You will get stronger though SM. You sound like you already are. You will amaze yourself.
Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005 Married 16 Years DS age 8 6 months Plan A Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery. 2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out. Plan B for my sanity "Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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Thanks, Kim. I hope you and your DS are doing well.
Thanks also for the quotation from the hymn. Good thing to keep in mind. I guess one positive thing out of all this mess is that I have returned to God and church. WH didn't like going to church, so we didn't go.
(Formerly SadMommy05)
BS, 29 (me)
XH, 27
DD, 1
M, 2001 high school sweethearts
OW, 36, divorcee, "we have a friendship people can't understand"
WH left out of the blue 9/5/2005
I filed 11/1/2005 D finalized 6/20/06 
XH and OW married 1/6/07. Ugh!
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Posts: 2,200
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Usually people who were close to God and drifted do turn to Him in times of crisis. This is exactly what happened with me too. WH is not saved and we also never attended church regularly. I grew up in a great Church with a strong youth program. I am so thankful for that. I really missed the fellowship too. I am so glad to bet getting back to that. I think I am going to move my membership to this Church that I've been attending....
D-Day May 14th, 2005 Married 16 Years DS age 8 6 months Plan A Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery. 2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out. Plan B for my sanity "Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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You are absolutely right... in my experience, it is crisis that causes folks to turn to God. You would think that we would turn there in the good times, too!
I'm meeting with the lawyer sometime this week, and I've got the divorcing parent class Thursday night. Mom said that means we must have a court date soon, but I don't think so. I still haven't seen a formal response to the complaint. Has anyone on here been through that class in Ga? What can I expect? Peach???
(Formerly SadMommy05)
BS, 29 (me)
XH, 27
DD, 1
M, 2001 high school sweethearts
OW, 36, divorcee, "we have a friendship people can't understand"
WH left out of the blue 9/5/2005
I filed 11/1/2005 D finalized 6/20/06 
XH and OW married 1/6/07. Ugh!
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Posts: 948
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You are absolutely right... in my experience, it is crisis that causes folks to turn to God. You would think that we would turn there in the good times, too! Once you feel and LIVE how God carries you through a time like this though, the good news is that NO ONE can take that away from you. And you WILL remember what God did for you in the good times, too, better than before there were such bad times. MSA [color:"green"] James 5:10-11 For examples of patience in suffering, dear brothers and sisters, look at the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. We give great honor to those who endure under suffering. Job is an example of a man who endured patiently. From his experience we see how the Lord's plan finally ended in good, for he is full of tenderness and mercy. [/color]
BW 43 me FWH 39 M 1992; DD 18. 13 OC 8-05 - no contact In recovery 8 years
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