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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 369
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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 369 |
RWD,<BR>Hi, I have asked her to lunch and/or dinner on several occations and she won't go. She says she is not comfortable with me. That makes me super sad ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/frown.gif)
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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 369
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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 369 |
Thank you all for your replies but I still feel so unresolved..... I just feel so lost at this point. I am depressed that my W went out on a date.... Trying to find whatever it is that she has lost. I did send her an E-Mail back this A.M. and here is part of it...<P>"Good Morning,<BR>I hope this E-Mail finds you feeling better and well rested. Thank you for calling me on Saturday and letting me know that you were not coming by. It was best that you did not come by if you were feeling that bad. I'm sorry for the pain that you are experiencing. I know this is tough for you and I can respect that, This is equally as tough for me. <P>I was happy to hear from you yesterday and hear about what you are doing. I really want to thank you for being so open and honest about what is going on with your life right now. It really makes me feel good that you are willing to share this information with me and I know it was probably difficult to do so. Of course I am indifferent as to your date but more importantly I think it is great that you are working on your self confidence and I know that that will improve with time. *Her Name*, I am proud to be your Husband right now and I love you very much. I think you are taking some important steps toward self recovery and I can only hope that they turn into giant leaps."<P><BR>Any suggestions or comments???? Do I sound like my head is in the right place??<P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Rutger (edited September 28, 1999).]
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Joined: May 1999
Posts: 3,758
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It sounded very sincere. I am anxious to hear her response.<P>You can always "mirror" what she says - and ask her to clarify if that is what she meant - the old "McDonald's drive thru routine".<P>You sound better today.
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Joined: Jan 1999
Posts: 631
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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Of course I am indifferent as to your date...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I’m wondering if maybe she wanted some reaction from you. Telling her that her date meant nothing to you might not have been the way to go.<P><p>[This message has been edited by WhoDat (edited September 28, 1999).]
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 247
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Joined: Apr 1999
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Rutger-<P>Ask her to a movie, play or other event that she would enjoy. Something that requires little to know talking or implied intimacy. That may make her more comfortable with the idea.<P>Then be attentive and romantic. <P>Sorry I was so brief this morning, but I wanted to say that telling someone that you are going out on a date with someone else is usually done to get a reaction. "Like do you care if I go?" Does that make sense?<P>God bless you
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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 369
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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 369 |
I am not an English major by any means and I chose the wrong word. I have since E-mailed her back telling her that I chose the wrong word and that I care very much that she is dating. From now on I am using a dictionary....
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Joined: May 1999
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Rutger!<P>It is okay. She knows your communicative style.<P>Thesaurus not a Dictionary!<BR>TNT<P>VERY ANXIOUS to hear her reply!<BR>
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Joined: May 1999
Posts: 2,454
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Boy Rutger,<P>Bet you never thought that learning about relationships would include English lessons, did ya? LOL!!!<P>You did fine, RELAX!!!<P>Another lesson though, in the art of communication!!!<P>Thinking of you and praying!<P>Big Hugs,<P>Sheba
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Joined: May 1999
Posts: 3,758
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Joined: May 1999
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I'll say a little prayer for you both, also.<P>TNT
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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 369
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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 369 |
No reply as of yet........ I'll keep you updated.
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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 299
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Hi there Rutger<BR>please keep us informed I hope she gets back to you soon the wait is always the worst part I have a feeling that this will all work out for the both of you call it 6th sense or something.<BR>Keep well <BR>Jenny<P>------------------<BR>Where have all the cowboys gone ?<BR>Paula Cole<P><BR>
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 468
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Joined: Aug 1999
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Good Morning, Rutger, and everyone else,<P>I just wanted to say that I thought your reply to your W was very sincere and genuine. I think your W is struggling greatly and your being supportive will pay off in the long run. I try to be supportive on the peripheral and not do as I'd like and barge right in make everything okay. I think that is what you are doing. Your W needs space and time to sort things out for herself.<P>When my SO finally "threw the towel in" about 3 weeks ago, I did just that. I stayed on the edge of his life and listened to him when he called me. I let him know how much I missed him and that I was respecting his need for space and time.<P>During this time I had such an urge to date. I was almost getting obsessed by it. I knew in my heart that my SO was who I wanted to be with, but I'm not sure why I had such an urge. Maybe I was looking for that new love feeling like he was looking for when he answered the personal ad a month ago. I want to feel special and to get excited waiting for a date or a phone call.<P>I refrained from leaping and I'm glad that I did. My SO is now filling my love bank two-fold. We are making tremendous strides and I'm on cloud 9. He hasn't given the engagement ring back to me yet, but I'm sure we will get to that point soon.<P>Good luck with your response and I feel if you can be patient, it will all be good in the end!<P>God Bless.<P>------------------<BR>Carpe Diem<BR>~~ Lady K ~~<P><BR>
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