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This should not be easy, so don't be upset with yourself because it isn't easy for you.
When you brought the already tangled chain of your disappointing parent-daughter past into the marriage , it got all intermessed up with your marriage issues. They really are separate, but you have made them a part of your marriage. That disappointment, that longing, that desire to be safe as a baby in your mother's arms ... is not supposed to be expected in a marriage. it is not. I am upset with myself because I am supposed to be super mom! Doer of all, protector of all and I feel so damned vulnerable and weak. Pep, I had no idea what marriage was. It is only now I can look back and wince at all my mistakes. This past year here on MB watching responses from those that have grown up and taken responsibility and grown into their M's. I see so much clearer.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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What happends when you are overly efficient?
You avoid something ... do you know what it might be?
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I feel so damned vulnerable and weak. oh ... I see you already answered my question
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Your son is vulnerable and weak ... should he be ashamed?
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I know, low blow ... but sometimes it takes a hard punch to get your attention.
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If you don't stop beating yourself up for not being perfect I am seriously going to come over and beat some sense into you !!!!!!!
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If you don't stop beating yourself up for not being perfect I am seriously going to come over and beat some sense into you !!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Ok, you got my attention. I am not perfect, I am not perfect, I am not perfect... Or should it be *it is ok to not be perfect* God is the only perfect being. I am not giving my Father enough credit am I? And know, my DS should not be ashamed. He is perfect in my eyes.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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vulnerable and weak = open for intimacy
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perfect and always efficient = don't need anyone
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vulnerable and weak = open for intimacy So likely I am avoiding intimacy.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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perfect and always efficient = don't need anyone yep
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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But if I am perfect and efficient I can be assured that I will be NEEDED.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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needed does not mean loved
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Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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thanks for the hug
I just realized Mom's birthday is this week ... prolly why I have been feeling sorta 'squishy' in the middle of my chest recently
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Even with my mom not being there always for me I cannot imagine my life without her. I am sorry, I know your loss is still fresh. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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needed is NOT the same as loved
pick one
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I mean pick one to begin to unravel the chain
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Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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I lost it yesterday and again my DD was in earshot. I am a crappy mother! You stop that!!! You are not a crappy mother. You are a human being who makes mistakes. Of course, freaking out in front of DD is not good behavior, but clean it up and then let it go. No sense in beating yourself up about it. Every mother makes mistakes. I always thought mine didn't because...well, because she TOLD me she didn't! The fact is that ALL mothers are human and make mistakes. We all lose it from time to time. You know what I do when I lose it or when I am impatient or grouchy with one of my children? I apologize. I tell them "I apologize that I lost my temper and/or my patience. I took it out on you (or someone else in front of you). That wasn't the best way to handle it, and it isn't your fault. I made a mistake." If you can SELF-destruct, you can also SELF-construct. I know this is a stressful time. So act, rather than react. Make logical, rather than emotional, decisions that protect your children and yourself. The decisions that you make now will either lead you out of the storm or allow you to remain swirling in the middle of it. I need to talk this through with someone that is paid to listen to this crap cuz I am boring all of you with it. You don't bore us. We like you. You don't even have to PAY us and we still want to listen to your crap!
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You know what I do when I lose it or when I am impatient or grouchy with one of my children?
I apologize. I did apologize to her. know this is a stressful time. So act, rather than react. Make logical, rather than emotional, decisions that protect your children and yourself. The decisions that you make now will either lead you out of the storm or allow you to remain swirling in the middle of it. Yes and swirling in my much is not constructive. You don't bore us. We like you. You don't even have to PAY us and we still want to listen to your crap! OK, Froz this made me smile. Thanks <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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