Cinny, why not respond with the truth? Do you feel you have acted manipulative and childish? Why not email her back and tell her that you realize you have alot of growing up to do and have made alot of mistakes. And that you are sorry for the pain you have brought into her life. Tell her that you realized that trust has to be earned and cannot be demanded and that you will do your best to earn her trust and respect again.

Step up to the plate with class, cinny, show her what you are made of. Show her that you are tough enough, sincere enough, classy enough to face the music like KNIGHT. You have the guts to face it. Show her this, cinny.

I am afraid that writing her an e-mail would push my H farther away instead of having him see it as a positive thing. His family is such a sensitive area right now that I don't want to rock that boat unless I think he is ready for it.

That being said, it wouldn't be a bad idea to at least formulate one so that I could send it when I felt like it would be the most beneficial.

So aside from all that Melody suggested (admitting that I have some growing up to do, I made mistakes, I am sorry for the hurt I have caused the family, and that I will do my best to earn back their trust) ... what else should I include?

My father didn't even know that my exWS and I worked on reconciliation for a year after our divorce. I knew that he'd be furious, and I wasn't sure how things would turn out. Also, my dad was helping me financially since I lost my job due to the need for extended medical leave time. I knew I couldn't support myself at that time.

The sisters of my exWS sent me a card when they found out what their brother had done. (In our case the OW was 21, and my x was 47. The OW was 7 months pregnant with x's child when I finally confirmed the affair.) They shared that they had talked about what had happened and were shocked and dismayed at my WS's behaviors. They wanted me to know this. They also said that I was good woman who deserved so much better in life.

Our attempts at reconciliation never worked out. My xWS continued to live with OW and their child, although never married.

About 1 and 1/2 years ago my xWS was in a terrible motorcycle accident. He lived but had multiple fractures and is unable to work. He received a back pay disability check and asked to buy some property back from me that I got in the divorce. I sold it to him. My dad asked about the sale as I owed him quite a bit of money. I told him my ex had purchased it with some back disability money. My mistake! My dad asked what had happened. I told him about the accident and severe injuries. His response: "Well it's too bad he didn't die."

Even I, in the worst moments of discovering and dealing with the affair, NEVER had that thought about my ex!

Wow, heart. That's rough. I am sorry that things did not work out between you and your ex.

A slight development in my own story ... hy H wants to changed from being D'ed to being separated. Go to the thread "cinnymd" to read more about that. I welcome any comments there!