***Mulan, actually his (my IC) comment was that I've tried everything except this. He believes that I am trying to punish my wife with my comments and demands. He also thinks I am trying to control things.***

It is terribly sad that that your IC believes having an equal, caring partnership in a marriage is "punishing" and "controlling." Every WS has this opinion. It is utterly astounding that a professional counselor would have it, too. (Maybe he's also a WS.)

***The question is, can I or even should I wait things out while my wife gets her head on straight.***

Grove -- if you just go to Plan B or Plan D, as Harley advised, this takes the worry out of your hands. You can go on with your life and *if* your WW wakes up in time -- that is, before your life has gone on too far down the road without her -- you can still reconcile if you want to. (Some BS who go to Plan B/D do decide they don't want their spouses back.)

If she doesn't wake up, then you will have moved on anyway. That's the whole idea. Either way, you are not just sitting around and waiting on HER to do something. YOU are doing something.

I hope you will do what the Harleys advised. It is your very best chance to get your marriage back. Your WW will NEVER wake up as long as she knows you're just sitting there waiting for her. Why should she?
Mulan

3pm appointment with my attorney tomorrow.

Should I be upfront with my wife about the meeting or just wait until after the meeting and serve her the divorce papers?

I thought about waiting 24/48 hours before filing, what do you think?

Grove,

You might want to mention that there is NO chance she can lead you on, given the level of trust you have in her. However, what she can do, is offer hope, if in fact she feels any hope at all about this marriage. You might mention that although you love her dearly, you are rapidly losing hope and that loss of hope is eating at your soul.

This MIGHT get through to her.

God Bless,

JL

My wife called to see if I would like to go out with another couple Saturday night. It's the first time in a long time that she has taken the initiative to plan something for us to do as a couple.

Should I take this as a positive?

Here I am planning on filing for a divorce today and she throws a curve into the plan.

Hook, line and sinker......she pulls the strings...you move !

Grove,

Oh man this is soooo easy. First you call her and tell her what you would like "Honey I would like/not like to go out with you and friends Sat. night. However, there is something you need to know...I am filing for divorce today because I have lost hope for us. I would be happy(if that is what you feel)to go but you need to know this before YOU decide if we should."

Honesty, radical honesty, is what is needed and life just gets so much simpler. You can go out with a woman you have filed for divorce with. You can stop the divorce IF something changes. You can continue with the divorce if nothing changes. You can do whatever YOU want, but the smart thing is to be radically honest with your feelings, your goals, and where you are at any moment.

You don't have to second guess a darned thing. So quit doing it. Call her and tell her what is up and what you are thinking and see how she reacts. You aren't going to trick her back into this marriage or into loving you. And frankly she won't be able to trick you either. You both KNOW the score, and you both know in your own heart how you feel. Let her know and act accordingly. Be resolute in your decisions, your goals, and you desires. She will be surprised to see you do this and to be honest as well.

Please think about this.

God Bless,

JL