Hurting, I know how you feel. I was a SAHM for over 20 years. I've always had outside interests and that helps. For the first 9 months or so, I was a hermit. I didn't want to go outside, didn't want to garden or even pick up the newspaper. If I went to a store, I was afraid I'd run into WH, possibly with OW. I was afraid of the questions people would ask.

Going outside was helpful. Exercise good. Being involved with other people helped.

For me, one of the biggest steps was when I finally got a job about a month ago. It was easier than I ever thought. I work for my local school district. All the application stuff was online. The hours are good. The pay is better than McDonalds and I don't have a lot of responsiblity. I can get full benefits for not a lot of money. If you like working with kids, and as a SAHM, I'll bet you do, you could easily get a job as a paraprofessional, aide even a lunch lady. You could work for as little as 3 hours/day.

It took a lot of time for me to make the decision to do it but it was good. I get out more. I'm in a professional environment. I like working with high needs kids. It's something that I feel can maybe make a difference in the world.

Let yourself hurt for a while and then move on. My original board name was huntingcarol. I changed it after about 2 months because I felt I needed a more positive handle.

I have been looking for a job but so far no luck.....

WH has been wanting me to find one so he does not have to shoulder so much of the resposibility.... I don't mind working but the thought of him spending our money on her makes me sick ..... For now he has no extra money to help her and that makes me happy.... And I look at it this way to why should I allow him to walk away and have no resposibilites? He has run from everything kids, me and his family..

But I need a job for myself to feel better....

In my state, when you file, it freezes all of the assets. Nothing can be spent except for normal expenses. Are you willing to take that step? Your WH can try to walk away all he wants to but he has legal responsiblities. Check your state law. It may not be as enlightened as where I live. At the very least, he will have to pay maintenance for life.

If you can't find a job, just go volunteer somewhere. At my daughter's old elementary school, they had a few seniors come in and help the kids with reading. It's nothing that you probably don't do with your grandkids. Plus you get a warm little cuddly first grader to cosy up with. That little bit of humanity can make you feel better.

What in the world has come over you today?

You decided to hand him over to her?

You are likely to be one of the Success Stories here, IMHO, unless you decide to give up...

HURTING...I can't believe you are posting this....

I thought yesterday we were talking about keeping the faith...

I hate to see WSes be their own worst enemy...

This is a BATTLE..

A WARRIOR NEVER GIVES UP.....

Mimi, isn't she supposed to be in Plan B? That is what I told her to do, because I thought that was what y'all were working on.

She's in PLAN B.

She had a slip up but generally was doing well.

Now this stuff about giving up....

YUK!!!

Check out her other thread if you haven't, Mel....

ok, gotcha! I was reading it right then. I tried to bring her back down to earth.

Sounds like she needs to be brought back..

GEE WHIZ!!!

yeah, she had a little meltdown this AM. Hope we didn't mess up your good work, Mimi! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I told her to powder her nose and head out to the craft store. Hopefully she did that!

p.s. And I told her NOT to call the OW!

Ummmm...I don't know if you noticed, hurting, but he is "free," you don't have to "let him go" -- he is doing exactly "as he chooses." He doesn't need your permission. Nor should you be giving any while in Plan B.

The reason you are in Plan B is so you won't have to watch all this.

Why don't you Plan B? It doesn't include sleepovers.

yes your right I had a meltdown this morning but I am fine now.....

I slept on it all and am back in fighting spirit....

Just sometimes I get overwhelmed with all of this and my mind won't shut down .....

Another idea to keep yourself busy is volunteering to hold the babies in the NICU. If you are bothered by seeing medical things, this would not be a good choice, but the babies would benefit as much as you would. All of my kids spent time in the NICU and I remember seeing the volunteers holding the babies.

Also, if you are crafty, there are a lot of organizations where you can make things for the needy: like blankies for preemies or the homeless. I think Dr. Laura has a link on her site for the baby blankets.

I am crafty also and I am volunteering the be the Art Docent for my DTR's class (you do not have to have a child at the school to do this though). Basically, you come in and present art to the class and you discuss it with them and then they get to do an art project that is somehow related to what you presented. I chose to do this because it is right up my alley.

Or, what about taking free/inexpensive classes or joining a book club?

Another really good stress reliever is yoga. You could take a class to get you out and meet people, but as money is an issue, buying 1-2 DVDs would work fine too.

Any projects that need to get done around the house? Organizing rooms, painting, re-arranging furniture in the rooms, donating/selling things you do not need, etc.

Think of things you can do to keep busy and to take care of yourself at this very rough time. I feel for you.

thank you Improving those are very good ideas.....

I will check into some of them... Our hospital does not have a NICU all babies in need of that are sent to OKC...

But the baby blanket thing is a good idea.... I have enough yarn here to make 100 of them .....

I am trying to get things around the house done and i have accomplished a lot.... Things will get better over time I know this.....

Some hospitals have a "Special Care Nursery" where the babies are not as sick as in a NICU. You might see if they have something like that. Or, they may have something on the "regular" floor where you could help feed babies whose new moms are taking a break or are too sick themselves to care for their newborns.

I'm glad you're feeling better tonight. You are pretty early in the process to be giving up. Though, remember YOU are in control of your destiny. Trying to work on your marriage does not mean that you need to take a bunch of crap from your WH. If he's giving crap, you need to go into Plan B. You don't have to lose your self-respect.

There can come a point where no matter what you do, your marriage may not work. Doesn't matter how much you change yourself. Doesn't matter how many EN you try fulfill. You can only control yourself.

Listen to Mimi. Listen to Melodylane. But also listen to Lemonman. He's the guy who tells you that you don't have to take abuse and don't have to have your marriage at any cost.

Do what is right for you but try to work through the MB plan first. I think it's good to try everything you can. If it works, great. If it doesn't, then you can say you've done your best.

p.s. Mimi is probably going to shoot me now.

GG,

Thank you for your insight. I appreciate it. Your right its to soon to give up and I'm not.

its not that WH is being abusive or anything of that nature its the emotional rollercoaster I am on that is causing me problems. WH really only seems to come around every few weeks since he got the planb letter. I am the one who failed it.

I am listening to Mimi and all it was my slip up and it won't be repeated. In fact Lemonman has only posted to me one time in all this and he say to me that my WH was just the type who will come home its just a matter of when. I hope he is right about that.

I am going to work the plan and just keep praying thats all I can do. I will be ok however it turns out.

hurtin, Mimi is giving you great advice. I will tell you that she is a MASTER at this and you are very lucky to have her help. Plus, she will kick your [censored] if you don't stay on track! Don't incur the wrath of Mimi! lol <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mel,

You are so right.... I know she has been the best and I do appreciate her so much....

Again ty for your help yesterday and for keeping me grounded..