My friend told me about the French movie.. but I don't think I will go see it coz I'm trying to save as much money as possible. Finances are v tight as I haven't found a job yet. (WS is not helping v much with maintenance.)

I think it's a certain type of dynamics that allows ex-es to be "friends" after a separation/ divorce. It's particularly difficult if the sep/ divorce is an onset due to an A because of the deceptions involved. How can you be a friend with a person you can barely trust? It's foolish thinking.

Actually, i don't think it would be out of place for you to tell your friend that you don't want to hear abt WS. You can say it in a kind but honest manner. And you can say you wldn't stop her from being friends with WS. What do you think?

~A

Gee, Ashley, finances must be really tight if you can't afford to see a movie! I am sorry about that....

Yes, I will be honest with my friend about WS....she will and does understand.... it all depends on me...and my letting her know how I feel.... which I didn't really know before....but now I do!

Ashley, I wish you a Happy New Year....and for 2006 things can only get better....right?!

A big hug to you and hope your parents are doing OK.

Luna - that's kind of my outlook on next year as well. I am not "expecting" anything from WH. But, I am still hoping.

What are you planning for you this year, regardless of what happens with WH?

Happy New Year!

Kim

Hi Kim,

quote:---------------------------------------------------
What are you planning for you this year, regardless of what happens with WH?
----------------------------------------------------------

Thanks for asking....I am thinking....

well.... I will need to continue to stay disciplined in order to stay in PLAN B and not focus on WS (so, quite a bit of effort goes into this)....and which pretty well leaves a 'white canvas'..... and will be on the look-out for 'opportunities', not necessarily 'intimate' R-wise....

By simply being 'open' to life.....things seem to come up.... last night planned a very quite evening alone.... busy with SUDOKUs (caught the fever...) and had spotted a Charlie Chaplin movie on TV that I felt like watching... well it turned out that at the last minute a couple of friends whose company I enjoy insisted I start out the new year celebrating it with them.... unplanned but very enjoyable!...

Picked up a drawing pad... in case I get inspired... I used to be pretty good at drawing.... for me the library is like a treasure hunt..... never know what 'book' I come across from which I will learn 'something'.... reading right now SEAT OF THE SOUL by Gary Zukav.... also trying to 'develop' my 'green thumb' with plants....

so, more or less, I will try to surround myself with activities that I know I enjoy doing...and generally being attentive to 'life' around me.... no major plans.... just simple pleasures of life.... go for a coffee at the local coffee house with a friend....spot movies to enjoy.... walk more.... go to the park more....listen to music....

Less expectations... less disappointments.... open to 'receive' life experiences... 2005 was very 'draining' for me....so, 2006 by default, should be better regardless of what my plans are...

I am not holding my 'breath' for any breakthroughs with WS... although you never know!

How about for you Kim? Any specific plans?

Luna -

Sounds like you are setting yourself up for a nice year - Getting back into some of your old interests(drawing) will definitely be wonderful for you. I like your idea of trying to take in life around you more - sometimes it's the simple things in life that touch you the most. I find that I get so busy sometimes I loose touch with that(actually I almost always too busy).

Yep, 7 months of this year for me has been dealing with an Affair. I can hardly believe it has been 7 months that this has been going on. So, I am in the same boat with you. 2006 has got to be better.

I have been thinking a lot about what I want to do this year and what I want for DS. Depending on how things progress or don't progress with WH, I am considering a move to my home town. I also want to focus more on teaching DS the important things in life - caring & thinking about others, responsibility and God. I have failed in many ways at being a good parent in teaching him certain things. I too would like to get back into some old interests & I plan on being a more responsible person & parent.

Thanks for asking about me!

Take Care,

Kim

yeah.. and the washing machine just broke down too. I'm trying to find money to get a new one. I don't even know where I am going to live after this place is sold. Thanks to WH.

I'm not holding my breath re: Ws either. I'm concentrating on getting my finances in order. Really need to get a job if anybody wants to hire me. The market is too tight.

Also, getting to know more pple, widening my social circle. It might be useful for job oppor, biz oppor, emotional support or just appreciating the company of new friends.

~A

Aloha Luna,

Wanted to let you know that I have been reading your posts and seen a lot of growth these past few months. While the WS goes not backwards but sinks below into the mire of the A, the BS learns to clean themselves off (detach w/love) and move forward.

I see you doing that and yes, in time you w/b able to deal with the WS. It is the WS who will then have a hard time dealing with you since you will show you are the sane one. The accomplished one. Expect the WS to get insanley jealous over your accomplishments. Smile with glee when he does. He needs t/b jealous. Bath in the joy of knowing you have attained that clear mind/calm heart status and lived. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Keep up the good work. Btw, it is good you can listen to others tell you 'bout the WS and handle it. That info will come in handy when you are ready to deal with the WS in person.

All the best,
L.

Hi Orchid,

Thank you for your advice and support and for being there. As far as I am concerned, your contribution to the MB board is immeasurable... your humour, your care...and as I learn here and there a bit about you... I know life has not been easy for you.... keep showing us the way...

You are certainly someone I hold dear in my heart...

(((((((((((ORCHID))))))))))

No major update.... just alive and kicking here...

Haven't a clue what WS is doing or thinking...except for some of the activities he is doing with boys..... swimming, skating...

and unless I hear otherwise.... WS plans to move this summer.... taking boys out of neighbourhood when with WS...and if he doesn't move... it will be because of me.... did not want to 'approve' repossessing an apt. we own out of the neighbourhood....

this does have me wondering if WS is considering taking separation further... like....legal separation of assets... it would be his next 'logical' step..... to further minimize 'business dealings' with me..... on the other hand... don't think WS is keen on involving lawyers and in general do the 'paperwork' of a legal separation... I will just have to wait and see....

Just thought I would let you know about a book I am reading that I am finding really interesting. It's by William Glasser, entitled: Choice Theory...

Got caught in the SUDOKU fever...

Saw movie: Memoires of a Geisha.... sorry, can't recommend it....

went to see with S10 Chronicles of Narnia... entertaining... but... some scenes are 'déjà vu'

...anyway.... I am just glad that the holidays are over....

next major headache...

income tax time... WS and I are co-owners of property with revenue and expenses... and WS's work is 'contract work' with revenue and expenses...

...will take this one day at a time.....and breath deeply along the way....

I find PLAN B life a very 'contemplative' one..... compared to the chaos of a triangle involving an A... and certainly.... full of challenges..... with the need to take over 'tasks' previously handled by WS.... but I will just have to take them.... one at a time, please!

To my MB 'family'..... thanks for being there.

(((Luna)))
Thanks for the update. and thanks for your support.

Hi Luna -

Glad to see an update from you! I have Narnia on my list of want to see movies ---- might wait til it comes out at the $1 theatre.

It is so nice to read your posts. I strive to get to place of calmness that you are at.

Take care,

Kim

Hi C42 and Kim. Thanks for dropping by.

....know that I am following your threads...and you both know that you have my support.... and, to be sure, when I have some to offer, the occasional advice for you to consider.....

Hi Luna,

Nice to see an update from you. Have you considered using an accountant for your taxes---so as to avoid having to deal with WH? Hope your boys are doing well.

Ahuman

Luna,

Good to hear an update from you. Patience is a virtue and NOT a luxury.

Hey, what's SUDOKU fever... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

L.

Good to hear you are doing so well!

Hi Ahuman, Orchid, cc46,

quote:---------------------------------------------------
Have you considered using an accountant for your taxes---so as to avoid having to deal with WH? Hope your boys are doing well.
---------------------------------------------------------

Yes.... have been using an accountant for a few years now... since I got fed up doing them.... it does come in handy for a BS in PLAN B....

The boys seem to be doing fine.... one of my main objective with them is to make them comfortable with telling me how they feel and ask any questions they may have.... that's how I learned that D15 had asked D10 never to talk about OW in front of me.... tried to reassure them that OW certainly was 'no secret'... thus open up discussion about situation and how it is for them.... focusing on THEM as opposed to WS and OW..... I really want them to be comfortable to 'come to me' with questions and problems.... rather then 'protect me' and so I need to show them that I can 'take it'.....

...right now with WS living so close, D10 drops by in the morning for a hug before going to school and I suggested he call whenever he misses me/home and needed to tell me.... so I get a few calls from him.... D15 has quite a few friends and a GF...so he is pretty busy...and doesn't need to 'drop by' as much as D10....

...you can bet that the week they are with me....my boys take center stage.... for example, one deal I have going with D10 is that we are to give each other twice as many hugs to make up for the week we don't see each other! ...how's that for a solution to life's little problems.... bring them on..bring them on...

quote:----------------------------------------------------
Patience is a virtue and NOT a luxury.

Hey, what's SUDOKU fever...
----------------------------------------------------------

You are right Orchid! PLAN B certainly does test one's 'patience'.... I must say.... I think I am doing pretty good.... if I say so myself....

....Well...sounds it hasn't yet hit your part of the world... what I like best about a SUDOKU is that it doesn't require much knowledge.... need to work with numbers 1 to 9.... I bet if you google the word you'll get some examples and a clear explanation.... I find it quite ZEN.... and 'time flies' doing them.... when I can't 'be still' as Ark suggests..... a SUDOKU certainly hits the spot....

Overall.... I seem to be doing much better in taking things day by day..... and focusing on and appreciating what I have certainly seems to come easy for me...

I have soooo much to be thankful for....

This whole ordeal has me surprising myself.... overall, I am much stronger than I thought!

More people read me than I thought.... THANKS!

I love 'visiting' here.... it's where I get 'inspired'..... so much wisdom, courage, patience, hope, strength, humour in the midst of so much pain and suffering....

You are all so very special to me....and dear to my heart, no more no less!

Luna, I have followed your sitch from the start. Honestly, I wondered how you were going to fare in this journey, as you were so timid and unsure of yourself.

Now as I read your posts, I see a strong woman getting stronger and more self assured every day. You have grown SO much, and regardless of what happens to your marriage, Lunamare will be fine. Better than fine, because of the hard work you have done in personal growth.

Cudo's kiddo! You have come a LONG WAY, baby! (no disrespect intended, that's part of the old Benson and Hedges cigarette commercial's when they marketed a ciggy "just" for women)

Best wishes,
SD

Luna my dear,

Good to hear your coping skills are helping you do better. I would like to ask a favor...... please read over at hurtinginok's thread..... I think you may be able to help her cope with the info coming from her children. That WS of her is using the children and they may need their mom more now to help them cope with this mess.

Thanks,
L.

Hi SD and Orchid, Thanks for posting.

SD: Appreciate your vote of confidence... and will agree with you.... I was a real MESS after D-Day.....so.... I had only one way to go....UP!

Orchid: Yes....I agree about Hurting.... her WS is using 'any means' to get to her...is being neglectful of his kids (I think it's what I hate the most about a WS - how kids all of sudden become such a LOW priority in their lives... but then... they are not WELL!) .... and trying to be as helpful as possible in my own way....

...looking forward to seeing my boys tonight..... (actually... saw them both a few times this weekend.... 'standard' excuses have been put in place to drop by...I have smart boys!) ....know they can count on mom for hugs and smiles.... and someone who is ALWAYS happy to see them.... hummmmmm sounds like my mom! ....as they say.... I am an apple who didn't fall far from the tree.... (don't get me started on my MOM........................... me... this is me struggling not to get started on talking about my MOM............................................. who to say the least.... is a VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY SPECIAL PERSON....and it's NOT just because she is my MOM!)

....ran into a neighbour who I hadn't seen for a while.... she thought I was 'looking good and sounding like I was doing well'.... YOU BET! ....how was WS doing? Said I wouldn't know.... leaving WS to deal with his CHAOS.... thank you very much! ....took the whole thing as a sign that some on my efforts are paying off.... my 'cheerful' self is coming back to the surface more and more.... the part I like best about me!

.....I have to admit... WS continues to take more 'thought' space/energy than I care to admit to .... but I am now 'expecting' it, so....less painful....and I am quicker in 'moving out' of a WS train of thought.....

As I told Hurting, working hard on following some of my own advice...to her.....

....I am glad you are all here.... I think you are my 'accountability' committee (didn't know that did you?)..... and as I hate to disappoint..... it helps me to keep 'on track'.....

...my WS seems to be 'respecting' my PLAN B request... I am sure he hopes that with time... I will come around...and be 'friends' for the sake of boys..... but right now... I don't particularly care to know WS.. even as a friend.... (who wants a friend who thinks it's OK to lie and cheat and be so egotistical!) ....if H doesn't show up at my door....I prefer to keep my 'happy memories with H' and move on...

I can never convey to you all how important and helpful to me it is to have this Board to come to....you just cannot imagine it!

You are all sooo different.... so adorable in your own individual ways.... and some of you don't even know I exist... I just 'read' you..... and I care very very much about you all... I feel so lucky to 'know' you all....

You cannot imagine how much you all ENRICH my life... thank you...thank you all!

just wanted to say "hi" to you , Luna