Well, I took the first step towards the Plan. After dinner I asked WH to come upstairs so we could talk.

Me: You know I love you very much. The pain has gotten to be too much for me and I can't take it anymore. I need you to move out.(I was crying by the second sentence....)
WH: I don't have anywhere to go.
ME: You should have thought about that before. I cannot be around you right now and I need some time apart.
WH: I can't afford it. Let's refinance the house and then I can afford it.
ME: I don't want to refinance the house. I don't want to talk about finances right now. It's not about finances. It's about me and taking care of my physical and emotional health. It's about taking care of DS and his well-being.


WH tried to keep going back to the finances. Said that he couldn't afford it, wouldn't be able to help with the mortgage, etc. Said that I wouldn't be able to manage with the way my debt is right now either. I told him I WOULD FIGURE IT OUT.

I kept repeating to him that I just needed him to move out. I said "You need to do what you threatened me with and just move."

WH: "I do need to do what I said and move."
ME: "Yep, you do."
ME: "I need this to happen soon as I really just can't bear the pain anymore. I love you more than anything but I just can't be around you knowing your intentions with OW. You just need to figure it out within the next day or two."

After, I went downstairs & tried to pick out a coule of tunes on the piano. WH started DS's bath, we ALL had storytime like we do every night. I think WH maybe shed ONE tear.

I noticed that WH erased history on the computer/Internet sites visited today. I did a bit of research though and saw that he had visited some apartment finders sites.....

So, I guess give him a day or two & go from there. If he doesn't move out I am leaving with DS.

Kimberly
DS age 6
Married 13 years
WH is messed up.
D-Day May 14th

Kim,

I know how hard that was for you. I remember when I told my WH to leave I cried like a baby and he held me all night long... But he did leave the next day.

You should be proud you took your stand and did not back down. It's not easy watching the person you love walk out the door so be strong and try to remember the reason your doing it is to protect yourself and DS from the drama and pain.

My prayers are with you and stay strong....

Hurting

Good for you. That is a start. Stay strong.

On D-day when I asked my WH to leave, he gave me the same story - no money. He asked where he was supposed to move to. I told him he should have had that figured out when he chose to have an affair. Then I told him to move in with OW. He said that was crazy, since her husband lived there. I told him that it was WH, OW, and her husband's problem, not mine.

Good job, KIM. I knew you could do it. You didn't let him push you around. Hold your ground and stay firm with him. Tomorrow night, I would bring it up again and tell him that you need him to move out by this weekend.

Are you ok, hon?

Thanks Hurting!!

You have traveled the road before me, your words mean a lot. WH is upstairs in the other room right now sleeping. I wish I could go up there and give him a hug.

Would that be o.k?

I read some of Confused's post. She was able to do Plan A for such a long time & seemed so patient. It makes me wonder if I could have done a better job. I am doubting the things I did to expose him.

Kim

Thanks Melodylane. I talked with my sis a good long while and felt a bit better.

I feel exhausted. I cried most of the way home from work, knowing what I was going to do tonight.

I so want to sneak into his room and give him a hug.

I will try to stand firm though. Why do I feel like my exposure and actions over the past month have made things worse? We had grown much closer to each other and then the next thing I know he is sleeping in the other room. I know he wasn't going to end his affair on his own. We were closer b/c I was "letting" him carry on like the selfish alien that he is & was not roughing the waters.

I felt good b/c I stood up to him and stayed my ground. But now I am just very sad.

Kim

Believer -

Just saw your post. Thanks! Wow, why don't the WH's think of those things when they are out having their fun???

No Money??? Sorry.

Kim

{{{{{{{{{{{KIM}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Kim,

I don't know your WH but I will tell you when I told my WH to leave he cried along with me. I know he was shocked he expected me to allow him to live here and see OW. Only you would know if he would allow you to hug him. If he does then do it, to me it shows him you do love and care for him.

That night when I told him he was laying in the bed when I asked him to leave. He said where am I suppose to go and I told him maybe you should ask OW if you can live with her. I then proceded to go to the bathroom and throw up I was so upset. I came back to the bedroom and layed on the bed with him and he reached over and held me all night. That was the hardest and longest night of my life.

Believe me though it will be hard watch him go but you have to do it to save your sanity. I still to this day have bad days along with the good. I am just now getting to were I can sleep in my bed without reaching over for him. It will get better I promise you.

No more walking on eggshells around him and peace and quiet in the home. the stress levels have fallen so much.

One thing I have learned the most NEVER GIVE UP HOPE! Some days it fades away once in awhile but somehow I always find it later.

Take care of yourself and DS....

Hurting

He liked you much better when you were doing nothing to interfere in his affair. It always gets worse before it gets better. And your exposure upset his nice little set up so he punished you by leaving your bedroom. That will teach you to mess with him!

You should feel good because you did a wonderful job. I also noticed how well you handled his stupid phone call about finding the letter to the OW. Good grief. He sure was trying to make you the bad guy, wasn't he? But you had the presence of mind to not react, you responded with questions just like Pep advised. You did excellent!

Stay strong. You can be strong, and also loving. Just let him know that YOU can no longer take the hurt. Your WH has his priorities all messed up. He thinks he is saving the OW, who is a lying, conniving, cheat.

Hurting - Your words give me hope. Thank you. I do want him to know I love him still. I too believe that my WH thought he could have both OW and me. I will keep you in my prayers, that your WH will come to his senses.

MelodyLane - I will look forward to the day when things get better. Time will pass and either WH will come back or stay away. Either way I know I will be o.k. I have my DS and a family that cares for me. It just sucks for the time being.

Believer - I will keep telling WH that. I will keep telling him that I believe in us. I will stay strong.

Kim

Good job Kim!

I can't imagine what it has been like for you and all the good plan Aers. I can't imagine living under the same roof dealing with a WS still in contact with the OP. My WS moved out as soon as contact started back up. I am hoping I get the chance to plan A with him in the house (being careful what I wish for though!)

I wish you and DS lots of peace and kindness to each other. That is what I am stressing to my children, let's just all be a little more kind to each other.

I also have on my fridge "Respect him enough to let him hit bottom". I do have a hope that my H will come back, although I know how hard that will be (and getting harder since the damage is just continuing)

But, if I get a chance to do an in-house plan A, you have been a great inspiration to me.

LemonMan has a bet to pay tonight!!! LM, put ya money where ya mouth is, honey! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Kim,

I have to tell you the day I asked my WH to move out he had been telling me I wish I could have both of you. He even went to far as to say we could live in a house together. It was after this conversation I realized I had to do something. He just could not figure out why we all could not be one big happy family. I know this is all fog talk...
He is a classic cake-eater.

I know if i had never asked him to leave he would probably still be here doing his own thing. So I had to take a stand and tell him I would not and could not live like that.

I planA'd my butt off for a few months and then couldn't take the cake=eating no more. So out came planb and yup I have fallen 2 times but I am back in now and dark as night.

He knows I love him and I want him home. But until he can figure out he can't have us both this is how it has to be.
Yes, he may never come home but if not I will be ok and make it.

So my advice to you is don't fail planB because it will just set you back in time. It will be hard but you can do it. I see the strength you have, you will make it...

LEMONMAN-------------> Goes to the stove, turns it on high and starts to heat up the "crow"......it is simmering right now......perhaps to be served in a few days....WHEN THE PLAN IS COMPLETE !!

BOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

P.S.....Kim, you know what? You are taking the worst that life can dish out and you are still standing....keep fighting for YOUR survival...I am rooting for you so much.

Would you like some hollandise sauce with that crow, Sir? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

If you insist? you were the mentor on this one, so you and her can serve it up anyway you like...I will eat it with smiles......OFCOURSE, we may be prematurely talking about it now.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

premature?? She told the man to move out, didn't she?! Eat ya crow, big boy! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I told you when she makes up her mind, she does it. She might waffle around for a while she is deciding, and may even drag her feet, but once she decides, that is it!

Kim, you did a great job! I know its not easy.

My WH left for a short time back in March. I let him come home too soon. At times I wish he would still leave, even though the A is over. I think if he had stayed away longer and I had the opportunity to do plan B we would be further along toward recovery. The WS has to be motivated to change. Change is not easy especially for us conflict avoiders.

Don't doubt yourself. You've got great advisors. Geez you evengot lemonman eating crowing!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> Now thats saying somethin'!!

Hang in there, take care of yourself.