Thanks for asking.

I'm ok I guess. I haven't fallen off the wagon and contacted him. I stopped reading that book for the time being. I think I need to wait a little bit before I get into it further, when I'm a little stronger.

I haven't been to work in 2 days though, called in sick and been sleeping a lot. I will go tomorrow no matter what. I just have to. I am AD's before you guys even suggest it.

I miss him, I miss the relationship we once had. I do not want to divorce, but I don't want this either. I feel like I'm more on the fence now than I ever was.

still breathing tho....

This is good. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Go to work. Make plans for AFTER work too.;) Staying active is a great plan. Eat right, sleep right, exercize, and socialize. These small things will make sooooo much difference in your outlook. Healthy people are attractive.

Did you rewrite the second version of your PBL? That's a good thing to do as well. It will benefit you immensely to have a prepared response. Your worries about 'what to do' if he contacts you will be alleviated. You'll already know what you're going to do.

The second PBL is just a rehashed version of the first one. There's nothing new there, so I can't imagine how it would break Plan B. You're just emphasizing your earlier points. And it'll probably make you feel better to personalize it a bit more, if nothing else.

Hang in there. From your current vantage-point....change is GOOD. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks LadyJ...

I'm at work today. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> It's a rainy day and I drove in while it was still dark outside. I guess I'm one of those weird people that enjoy dark rainy mornings sometimes. Anyway, I felt good.

I have a lot to do to keep busy today which is good. I'll see about that letter this weekend when I'll start to get antsy. I read some of the old IM logs between WH and OW last night. Gave me a little strength boost.

You miss your H, not the WS, right? Ok. That's understandable, but hold off on the 2nd plan B letter. Don't want to water down the impact of the 1st one. Better to get you stronger. This stuff takes time.......pray for patience, clear mind and a calm heart.

take care,
L.

I wasn't plannin' on sending it Orchid! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Just maybe getting it ready, just in case WH breaks contact. Although, I have to tell you guys, he's pretty darn stubborn and I have serious doubts that he'll break it.

I almost wish he would because then I'd know he's at least thinking of me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Feeling especially down right now...

I don't know why since I was doing so well today. I guess it's hard when I read about others sitch and can see a chance for them and I see no chance for me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I miss my husband and my marriage. I don't want to start over with someone new. I honestly thought he was the man I would grow old with. I wish I could understand what went wrong. I don't know why, not like I can turn back the clock. I'm just feeling very alone.

I can't imagine facing the future alone and with children. I have so much respect for all of you that have gone through this and are parents too. I can barely keep it together for me let alone do it for a child too.

I want him to come home...

Stop,

You are saying the exact same words I did when all of this started. Believe me I have been there and thought I would never be happy again.

I'm not saying I am happy all the time and yes I still want my H home but it does get easier with time. I promise you this. Just try and relax and get some rest. find something to do to take your mind off of it. I know easier said than done, been there done that.
Take it a day at a time and do something for yourself.....

I know how you feel. I miss my WW so much!!!!!!!!!! So lonely tonight. Hopefully it will get better.

((((stop)))))
I'm not familiar with your story...yet...and I'm not a wise one. I just wanted to give you some support. Do you have something special planned for yourself this weekend?

{{{{{{{{Stop}}}}}}}}

I'm sorry you are feeling down. I too have been so scared about being alone, starting over again or the thought of not being with WH anymore. I had to discover for myself that I am a special person with or without WH. I think I might have posted this to you before, but PLEASE try to see yourself as the special and unique person you are.

I don't want to be without WH, but I don't NEED him to survive in this life. Yes, it does stink to think of being alone at our age(I will be 41 next Thursday). It is super scary.

But there is a whole world out there!!! Do something special for you everyday whether it is big or small. Today, I took DS to see a movie. Do you have family nearby? I don't remember......Girlfriends that you can do things with?

Kimberly
D-Day May 14th
DS, age 6
Married 13 years
Going into Plan B

Hm.... ok, well getting a 2nd plan B letter ready for a maybe is a waste of time (IMHO). But I understand why a BS thinks it is important. Like we need to tell the WS more? When they didn't really get it already?!?!?!

Like spittin' in the wind. I learned that one the hard way. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Don't want you to suffer like I did. ok? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Alright, now let's keep you busy. U up to helping out a few around here who are just scared of plan B? We could use a few more posters out here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Therapy is good for the soul and giving is a form of therapy for some. Now I got some housework t/d but u r too far away..... Peachy is out there in GA and she is one smart cookie......cute 2. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> U all outta get an MB get together. Peachy and I have known each other for several years. She is a great gal. Her son has been through a lot also but he is a trooper. Shudder to think he has some of Jethro's genes but I know Peachy works hard to keep him on the straight and narrow. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Make them part of your support group if you can.

Hugz,
L.

That's understandable. I think almost anyone in your postition would feel that way.

In our brains, we already know that we can't always get what we want. Our hearts don't always agree with that line of thought though. The heart wants what it wants....and it's stubborn in it's thinking.

There's a transition period that you're going to be forced to deal with. It's not a pleasant one, but it WILL prepare you to either be a stronger partner in a marriage reconciled....or perhaps a stronger partner in an altogether new relationship one day.

Once that transition is complete, and you're no longer struggling.....you're going to find ALOT more clarity. Many people report that they no longer even want their old partner back, after they've experienced this kind of personal growth.

While my own marriage did survive, I wouldn't want to go back to the person that I was before. There's a certain amount of transition in the reconciliation process as well. At least, that's my opinion anyway.

You're forced to really take responsibility for your own individuality, as well as for the mistakes that you might have made in the relationship. Your potential for personal happiness is separated from the no longer trustworthy partner. You must invest emotionally in yourself.

Then, when you do find yourself in another relationship, either with your old partner or with a new one, you take all that with you. At that point you are enhancing each other's individuality, adding to the other's existance and never subtracting from it. Rather than two functioning halves of a whole relationship....you have two functioning whole individuals that create something singularly unique in partnership.

All I know for sure, is that I'm a stronger person today than I was back then. My self-esteem is mine again, my self-respect is mine again, and I'm the one that's in control of those particular aspects of my character. I'm the one who is ultimately responsible for keeping it that way too. I am unaffected by my partner's deficits, but I am enhanced by his assets. This is by my choice, because I'm no longer emotionally reliant on him.

I'm a whole person all by myself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Thanks you guys. I was up until 2am last night. Just could not sleep. Then I woke up around 9 today.

But, it was a beautiful day. I opened a bunch of windows to let in some fresh air and did some cleaning. I got serious and I think all the dirt ended up on me! Anyway, my house is clean. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I know I need to do for me. I'm feeling the need to hide away from everyone. I'm scared I'll run into him and he'll be with another woman. I can't handle that right now. I'd fall apart right there!

I'm trying to make new friends. I never really made any friends of my own, I let him become my whole world. I'm just now starting to let myself be friendly again and reach out. I dont' know if that makes any sense to you.

I'd love to have a MB meetup here. I've talked with one person I've met on the boards and she's been a great help. I consider her a friend now, although we've both laughed and wondered how we'd explain to our respective WH's how we met if they asked.

I keep wondering if this is the right thing, but I'm still doing it. I can't really think of a way to break it and keep my integrity. LOL!

At least I'll sleep tonight...I'm already yawning.