The issue is ---> to whom does one tell important medical information?... and the concensus seems to be ---> it should be told to the physician.

NO ONE has suggested or implied that important medical information be withheld

.... it should be given to the appropriate person(s) ... which , in all likelyhood, is the medical professional(s)

If this is in response to me saying not to give Medical Records to ow, WOW.

I said to give info to the DR, not the OW if it is necessasry. Never give OW private, confidential information. I hope you don't give out your SSN to strangers when they call you........!

Since when did the needs of the oc warrant an entire thread on a Marriage Building site????? What is the benefit to the marriage and the family in this?

Yet again, another swipe at couples who choose what is best for them, and allows them to move on with their lives. An affair and an oc does not derail life, it does not suddenly catapault the ow/oc ahead of the needs of the family.

That is where the divide is and where ow, and ow supporter on here, arguing with wives, is useless. What any ow or ow supporter wants or thinks is best for the oc is a moot point here. I am sure there is a more appropriate board for oc discussion. I am also sure that if I went to that board and told the ow how mean and horrid they are for taking money from the children of the marriage, and how it would be best for the children (meaning COM) if she took her child and went away, I would not be treated kindly. Yet they come here and have continually pontificated on the needs of the oc. How absurd.

I completely agree Lynn G.

You are right about the other board. Just my opinion, but many of the posts I read there have a child like flare to them. NOTE - I said many - not all.

We (the majority of us) tend to forget this is a MB forum and is here for that purpose. We too often get off track and head off on another tangent.

Lynn ,don't flatter yourself,lol.
It's that we(H/I) don't have a complete history for our own children,even. OOP's guess you missed that statement,LOL.
If our it helps our OC all the better for us.
It's not a swipe at couples who choose what what's right for them, OOP'S, you missed that statment as well,LOL.
DUH , I AM A WIFE/FORMER BS,LOL
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />It's SOOOO SAD,that all the other's ,even those with opposing veiw's could respond as asked and yet you could not. SOOO SAD.
Please ,Read what was written, not want you want to
read/see.

It is even sadder yet, that on a Marriage Building site there even has to be an argument at all with any ow or ow supporters. If all the ow and their supportes can see is people being mean or shortchanging the oc, they are not seeing the whole picture, at all. How sad.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I think your the one flattered with yourself at this point. Just because contact is working for you it doesn't mean it works for all. IMO more MM would have contact if they didn't have such a meddling xOW who insisted on calling all the shots. I've seen many a time on the other board where the OW says she wants the xMM to be involved with the OC BUT ONLY IF the BW never ever ever lays eyes on the OC. All visits have to be at their whim, at their home. Come on, that's rediculous.

Also, the comma comes just after the ending letter, not , like , this , okay? Maybe you need to calm down a little, you seem to be on your soapbox here the last few days. Are you getting rooted on by some of your other friends? Enjoying the pats on the back for taking on Lynn?

If you want to bring this back around to Marriage Building, I guess I don't understand how this would affect a marriage (if both parties agree). How is giving the mother of one's child going to hurt your marriage or you personally, what's the big deal? I guess in my case, my H isn't going to be running for President anytime soon and there's really nothing of significance to report anyway, but how would this come back to bite someone in the butt?? How is knowing that diabetes runs in the family important enough to withhold from XOW? I don't even really think a medical history is necessary unless there is a significant issue that will likely pop up for the child and then how are you going to keep that secret from XOW? Unless you simply don't tell, but why wouldn't you, for the sake of the child? I just don't get it, sorry. I guess if xOW is crazy and going to come to your work and tell everybody your father was institutionalized with a mental illness, that might be embarassing, but...really? To each his own, I just don't see why it matters so much, one way or the other. Sorry...jmho.

Nobody has said NOT to give the info, if it is significant. It is just a ploy of some ow type to change the focus of this to the "poor oc" and off of the real issue, which is rebuilding the marriage.

Familycomesfirst: I think that she is working hard to convice herself that contact is so great. For a woman who has gone through this, she sure has little care, concern or even empathy for a newbie. She is all for the oc, she sounds bitter to all other wives who didn't have to have contact.

I think that many of the newbies can be so overwhelmed with what they have in front of them, that they sometimes don't see the passive agressive nature of the ow on here. Everytime they are backed into a corner, they suddenly come out with "well YOUR husband, this or YOUR husband that" as if it exonerates the OW from anything. She is good for that one. As if all the wives on here do not hold their husbands accountable. It is an ow type of view. Of course the BW hold their husbands accountable, how simplistic to assume otherwise. Very otherwomanish. But you are who your friends are.........

What she and her ow friends can't stand is to read what reality is. And that is a couple, reconciling their marriage and discussing if they are going to include oc in their lives. That is none of the ow/type business. Then her quip about giving out the medical info to the ow???? What was the point? How does that even fit into rebuilding a marriage? How would someone even go there?

Gotta wonder!

Sorry, I don't need to convince myself of anything,contact is that way 99% of the time and when there are issues we discuss them like mature ,rational adult's, funny thing it's normal parenting issues we all have had w/ our own families,in our case.
I do care about newbies and want to let them know that C can work and that they and there H's have to decide for themselves and have stated such numerous times, unlike you who feel there's only one point of veiw, I know there are other's. That is the choice of them and their H's.
It's not an ow point of veiw,it's my point of veiw,it's called freedom of speech and based on a Mature adult's ,research and listening to all point's of veiw, not just those I "want" to hear, and when I was a newbie here I was exposed to the veiw's of everyone, yes even "gasp" those of the OW, and though they upset me at the time I read,listened and in the long run learned from all veiw's.
You are the one who "can't stand what reality is" as you can't stand to even hear other possiblies, where I can.
Otherwise why after 18 yrs.,would someone still be so bitter and hold a grudge. That is mentally unhealthy, and is definately not healthy for any relationship. The idea is to heal, go on with life, then share point's of view(not ram it down their trought) and respect other's point's of veiw weather we agree w/ them or not. That's what was happening on post untill you ruined it ,all were sharing and getting along.
I hope if I ever become as bitter, hold a grudge that way, and not go on with my life that someone would,Please, TAKE ME OUT AND SHOOT ME!!!!
Come on ,18yrs. is way too long to be like that,that's what sad. I don't know if you belive in God or not but you should look into reading Joel Osteens series about emotional baggage and how it effect's our live's/relationship's, I've learned a lot,it help me heal,get a rid of bitterness,etc., that prayer,reading Harely book's,& giving it to God.
OH, BTW was WS in my first marriage even though he cheated 1st.
NEW'S FLASH, SOME OW DO CHANGE THEIR WAYS!!
I've become curiouss about your story, tried to find it here on MB and couldn't find it,that and want to understand why you are still bitter after this long.

A little OT but Angel mentioned Joel Osteen ---

FYI - Joel Osteen is not exactly biblical. He is a great speaker but alot of what he says is not found in the bible.

Someone gave me one of his books and I couldn't believe some of the things he stated as if they were promises from God. One example was he was saying something about letting go of anger and that you could hold on to it or let it go and let God fix the problem and make our life better.

What verse in the bible says God promises to fix our problems and make our lives better? There are numerous passages that say He will be with us through hard times and that he has a bigger plan and that all things work to his glory BUT no where have I ever read that God will fix things and make my life better ( and I have been a Christian for 25 years!).

SO Beware of who you follow just because they are a preacher and claim to be teaching from the Bible doesn't mean they are! Go to the true source - the Bible - yourself and test the teachings! If the two don't agree, you know which one is wrong!

I don't think it is fair to judge someone who has lived through this for 18 years and assume she is bitter just because she has no feelings or concerns about an OC.

Lynn G is someone whose posts I look for often - To me she is a wise veteran and I appreciate her advice and experience.

I don't think of her as a bitter grudge holding woman -- I see her as someone who has been through this whole OW/OC trying to put my M back together war and come out on top.

TY, Trying.
Really want to find a way to understand Lynn(can't find her story and looked all over for it) and want her to let go of all that anger, bitterness,Etc. Even if she denies it's still there,
Lynn, where is your story? Perhaps you could tell me in an email, my email is clearly posted in my signature. read someof your first post to me and even then the bitterness was there, i'd hope to see otherwise.

I'm pretty much a lurker, but I have to step out of lurkdom to say that Lynn doesn't seem bitter or angry to me. She just doesn't agree with you. She's probably one of the most helpful and smart people on here. Also, even though I've never experienced any back and forth posting with her, her words have helped me immensely. Thanks, Lynn.

Which means that the doctor has a ethical obligation to HIS PATIENT who is oc to inform the parent of the oc of such medical issues. So what is the difference? There is none.

What are you - her personal therapist? Have you had counseling sessions with her and determined that she has anger, bitterness, etc that she needs to release?

The only thing you have to base your ASSUMPTIONS about her innermost feelings are posts in which she was on opposite sides of a discussion/arguement with you. Hardly seems fair to me.

If I were her I would see no reason to email you and tell you her story. You already think you know more about her than she does herself.

Actually, I'm not sure if HIPAA would allow him to do so. He could probably inform OW if he thought that the child actually had symptoms of a hereditary condition, but I doubt that he could reveal conditions which had not presented.

TY to those who responded as asked and I'm Sorry I took the bait from Lynn.
I'm proud of the way everyone is/was getting along regardless of their postions BS,OW etc.,until I unfortunalty succumed to the bait.
So in the future instead of succubing to it I will egnore it, and hopefully things on this post/thread will get back to the wonderful way of all of us getting along,and disscussing it even w/differnt points of veiw.

Whew,
Ok, now back to the topic of this thread.
Does anyone have any ideas on how we can find out h's bio parent's medical history, We want to persue it. Other than waiting for $$$$ to go to court to get the adpotion records opened. Like I said we don't want contact with them(h's boi parent's) for a realationship ,just medical. Any ideas or suggetion's.

Angel, can't you go to court and represent yourself to save money?

Have you gone on the adoption sites and asked these questions?

There are a lot of research sites for adopted children getting information. I would just start posting everywhere you post and ask everyone you know and eventually your going to find someone who has actually been there and can start pointing you in the right direction.

[color:"blue"]As suggested, check out the adoption sites. Do a search and you will find many different sites to choose from. Many are set up just like this forum, only they also have topics by state of adoption as well. Each state has different laws when it comes to adoption. I forget, you know who his bio mother is but not his father? That could help as well in your search. Do you know the names of any family? If you do, you can do one of those search things which could give births and deaths giving any possible medical problems as well and then you wouldn't have to have any contact with the bio parents. Other than that, don't know how else to help you. [/color]