This is quite sad for the children Jean, and I know it hurts you because it hurts the children. I hope that man wakes up.

Love, Lady

Still not a word.

I am trying to get and stay motivated preparing for nuclear fallout. I can't find the key to that old car I need to sell so I called a locksmith to find out how much getting a new key would be. He'll have to order the blank and it will take several days.

My kids are real freaked out people coming over to look at stuff to buy. I told them when I sell one of the cars, they can each have $40 to buy something for themselves. The hardest part is dealing with them while not saying really bad things about their father. What I would like to say is "Your daddy is so busy shacking up with his mistress that he just doesn't give a damn if you eat or not!" But, I am really trying to not do irreversible damage to the father-daughter relationship, not like he cares anyway.

I checked my log, he has seen them 6 days since he left. Two overnights and two dinner dates. And this is the guy that once broke up with a woman because she didn't like our coparenting and really didn't want to be a part of the children's lives.

They are 6 and 8 and quickly figuring it all out and that breaks my heart. I try to tell them we need to be patient and give Daddy time to get situated, but they say he is beig very selfish and thinking only of himself. I say we need to let him try to be happy, but they say that they are miserable and he doesn't care about their happiness so why should they care about his. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

And my 8yo asked me if I was going to die from a broken heart . They have seen me a little sad, but not really too much. They know I am stressed and sad, but I don't know that they have seen me cry more than 2-3 times.

I just hate having to clean up this mess by myself.

A guy is coming to look at the car this weekend. He has been driving by asking us to sell it for years. I still can't find the closing papers on the house, I have no idea where they could be and I feel like a complete gooberhead for losing them. But perhaps he moved them somewhere when we weren't living together.

And I started panicking thinking about him just running away. If he did abandon us completely, how would I sell the house without his signature? Would I just have to rent it out until he shows up?

Still no word...

I have a back up babysitter for Sunday on my work day, I hate not knowing whether he is dead, has run off with OW or is just not giving me the reaction to my exposure that I feel I deserve <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

But, I have a buyer for the car, that will almost pay for an attorney, at least get the papers started. I don't want to file, but I just don't trust him at all to pay the bills.

My OD is freaked out about having to sell stuff. She doesn't understand why all this is happening and she does seem to understand that daddy has caused it. I hate that, but I just can't defend him to the children. I don't bash him or dog him, but they seem to understand what is going on.

OD is also scred because Daddy is not in the house to protect us. She talked about how well his big strong hands could dial 911. So, I reviewed the 911 procedure for her, showed her how to hit the panic button on the alarm and reviewed general safety tips.

This is good, but sad. Now if only you knew where he will be so he can be served papers. Do you know if he is working?

Jean, it's good you are taking safety procedures necessary for your family.

Have you told some of your family members about your exposure the other day. They should know where you went, and who you saw. Not meaning to frighten you but someone in your family should know.

What part of Korea are the Koreans from North or South?

Love, Lady

Thanks for your concern Lady. Yes, my family all knows about the exposure. If I were to turn up dead or anything, everyone knows everything. OWH was the last of the exposure, everyone else has known since the week of D-day. My family knows where OW and OWH work.

WH is working, unless he is AWOL. I realize that his boss may not know how to reach me, and I don't know if he even would if WH came up missing. It is odd how I became the bad guy in all this. It does lead credance to the theory that there are some very questionable immigrations things going on that they are afraid I will expose.

About serving him with papers, I am still not sure if I will file first. Maybe I am still foggy, but I am just not ready. When I run out of stuff to sell, or if I don't hear from him regarding the kids this weekend...

As far as location, I guess I could have him served at the hotel or just ask the lawyer to call him to pick them up-I imagine he would. Right now, I am just not sure that he hasn't skipped town.

Jean,

You are really getting your ducks in a row. And I respect how you are handling things with the kids. I have not gotten up the nerve myself to tell DS the absolute truth. It is that need to protect the child and the parent relationship I guess. You are doing great!!!

Kimberly

Thanks Kim,
I wish I felt better about how I am handling things with the kids. My sister is a counselor as is one of my best friends, so I have to bounce everything off them.

My OD had a big temper explosion tonight. Usually I try to hold her while she cries and try to come up with a plan with her to deal with her feelings. Tonight, she was just in rage and I just let her go with it. After a few minutes of that, I suugested to both girls that we go to the park to chill out. When 6yo heard 8yo crying again, my 6yo said "Why can't she just get in her head that we have a mean Daddy" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

That just absolutely breaks my heart. Up until this past weekend, I have really tried to candy coat things for them. but he told them about OW himself, so I guess the cat is out of the bag. I think it does make it a little easier, no more vague replies, they know what is going on and why now.

But my sister has said that the truth will be so much easier than my vague quality of life answers. It does hurt to see them losing faith in their Dad. But my OD was able to tell me that I was not helping her to feel safe-the week after he left. I was pretty zombiefied and I just didn't have much to give them. Since she said that, I have been doing much better (according to OD) in making them feel safe with our situation.

I am very glad that my children are able to express themselves so well, it just stinks that they have such negative stuff right now to express. And Wh is oblivious to it all..

Jean36:

I wish that I would not have read that.......it brought a tear to my eye....I am sorry for this. I cannot imagine what it must be like for you to have to hear that out of your own flesh and blood.

I would love to meet your WH somewhere in a dark alley. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Ughhh.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Now your making me cry again.

I can see that he doesn't want me, but I just don't get him turning his back on these children. I really struggle thinking I would do anything to keep him active in their lives, I don't want him to stay away from the kids because he has to deal with me.

But I realized today, that reconciliation would be much more tempting if it weren't for the kids. I have this fantasy that he will wake up and want to come home. If we didn't have children, yeah, I'd probably let him come and go as he pleased for awhile. But I know now, that my children can not handle this. But, it is just a fantasy, he hasn't expressed any interest in coming home.

His friend is shocked at his behavior, he offered me grocery money today. I appreciate it, but turned him down. I will just keep selling stuff and making it work as long as I can.

I am fearful of him just running away, but I just can't do what ever it takes to keep the peace so he'll make the house payment. I don't know how to sell the house without his signature, I guess there is some formal abandonment thingy I can do. But I am jumping the gun (hopefully) Hopefully, he is too lazy to cancel the direct mortgage withdrawal from his bank. And I do believe that he is too narcissistic to do harm to himself, and probably would not run away. After all, this is all my fault, why would he need to run and hide <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

jean

i'm so sorry that you and your children are going throught his. it is so hard to understand how anyone who had so much love for a woman and children could EVER treat them this way but i understand that it happens often. they believe that it's all about them now. they don't really have feelings about anyone anymore....unless that person makes them "feel even better"

having expectations of them makes them feel bad about who they have become

that's why my husband loves our dogs so much...he says they love him unconditionally....well that says alot doesn't it??

guess that's why they leave us for some b*tch (okay..that was not kind:)

Well, I guess I should know something in the next 30 hours or so. If he has not called by noonish on Saturday to get the kids, I will know he is either dead or has just run away. He had the kids last Fri night, he has gone a week without contacting them, he told them if he didn't have to live with mom, they could spend more time together.

It has been a strange week, waiting for a knock on the door. Either the police telling me they have found his body, or a process server. I have heard nothing. And I just don't know if he stopped showing up for work, if his boss or buddy would contact me. I would think his buddy would, he knows our family and our children-I would think he would have the decency to let me know that we are about to be homeless.

But I have always assumed the worse, plan for the worst, hope for the best. As long as I am mentally prepared for the worst-I am always relieved when that doesn't happen.

I try not to think about it too much, but it is shocking what our lives have become.

He's probably under a rock comtemplating his next move. He may slither out after it gets dark. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> WS' hate the truth and the light. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Sorry to hear he is trying your patience. It gives the WS some sick joy. Never makes sense. The whole thing doesn't make sense.....still we deal with it. ;(

This situation you are going through brings back some earie memories. I recall wondering if the WS was dead, kidnapped, in jail, in the hospital or on a slab somewhere. Yea.... what a way to spend an evening. Then when I saw him, I got angry because he seemed to carefree. So then I made it my aim, if me made me miserable, I'd learn to babble and give him some of his misery. At first I wasn't good at it but eventually learned to babble enough to even scare the OW. LOL!!!! Yep, little ol' me all of 4'10" scared the daylights out of the OW.....well at least she said she lived in fear that I'd show up at her doorstep or beat her up. LOL!!!!! I told the WS nuthead that it was good she was finally using some of her brain cells.... too bad it was due to fear.....maybe she ought to stay in that frame of mind..... imagine having sex with the fear the BS might show up. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> I told him since I knew where she lived, that was a possiblity. LOL!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

Well, I finally heard from him. He called today to see about picking up the kids tonight. We made the drop off plan, nothing else was mentioned.

BUT...

Last night, my sister and her family were out for dinner on WH side of town. And who should saunter in, but WH and a Korean couple. This couple is either OW and OWH-which would be pretty strange. Or it is WH's boss and his wife. If is was his boss, that would strongly indicate to me that boss is very supportive of WH and may help him in his legal fund. Boss has lied to me before to protect identidy of OW-he is not to be trusted.

But, my sister in her rednecky spy finest, got the waitress to take a photo with sisters camera phone. So I will know in an hour or two (when I see sister) who the couple was. WH is coming to a fmily babyshower at a SIL house to pick up the girls. He just doesn't seem to have any sense of shame and will cruise in without thinking a thing about it. I wish, oh how I wish, that someone had the balls to ask him what the bleep he is doing. But no one will, a big old family full of conflict avoiders.

But, I was pleased that BIL last night at the restaurant (WH best friend since the age of 12) did not say a word to WH. They were sitting two tables apart, the kids waved at him, but BIL didn't speak to him.

I am nervous about sending the kids to him. They are pretty angry now that they know about OW. I am not sure that they won't say some things to him. I shudder to think how he will react when his daughter's ask him why he has chosen OW over his family.

If the children don't want to go, don't force them.

L.

It is quite amazing that WH just can't seem to hide.




I would feel nervous with him taking the children also. Have you told him, that he is not allowed to have the children around OW?

Is he taking them overnight?

Well, the couple that my WH was dining with was...

OW and OWH <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

They are asking WH to get me to back off, they are all embarrassed that all their employess know. I have no idea what is going on. This is like living in the Twilight Zone.

WH's buddy came by to pick up something today, he just said that WH is acting like he has lost his mind. Which is what everyone tells me. If someone could give me something valid, something that makes sense to me, I guess I could move on.

WH did say that OWH is not afraid of immigrations, so that would leave me to believe that he is a citizen and she is not. He defineately said "immigrations" during his verbal lambasting to her.

I don't know how I am the bad guy, no matter how I turn.

This is a first. WH sitting in a restaurant with OW and OWH. I have heard of open marriage but this takes the cake.

I don’t have any advice. I read the thread and I can only say that I am full of admiration for your courage and dignity.

You mean WH, OW, and OWH out to dinner together???

Wow!! Yes, it sounds like they are all in cahoots together.

Your WH is absolutely, totally, foolish to be involved with anything with those people, that is why he is out of his mind! It sounds like your WH has fell into thier deception.

Did the children go with WH?

Lady

I just got off the phone with WH again. I think perhaps I try to push his buttons to increase the speed at which he will hit bottom. I called to get clarification on the immigrations thing since I have been told such a smorgasboard of half-truths. And pretty quickly, he started spewing all his vileness and what not. I never raised my voice. I just kept saying I needed her legal name to countersue for adultery once he files the papers.

He let is slip that his boss is tiring of all this crap and that his job is insecure at this point. I have not spoken to his boss since the week that WH moved out. Once I realized that his boss was lying too, I had no use for him either.

The man is spinning way out of control. He can still manage to put enough conherent sentences together to make me out to be the bad guy though.

Yes, my WH was dining with OW and OWH. I saw the picture but she sat in the middle of a circular table with one man on each side. Where is the Twilight Zone soundtrack <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

And the girls are with him tonight. Unfortunately, they were in the back seat as he was cussing their mother out.

I am sure there are recovery stories that came out of situations like mine, it is just so hard to see how to get there from here.

But, now that exposure is 100% done, there is nothing to do but plan A my butt off. Let him implode on his own. I can plan A, I will be atttractive to him or just be in training for when the D is done.

It is just hard right now, since he thinks that I am the cause of all his problems.