Keep low expectations and go for it.

INS isn't the only agency that w/b interested in this info.

orchid, I know nothing about immigrations so I will take any info you have.

Hi Jean,

If you ever see divorce papers, I highly advise you get a lawyer to help you get the best settlement for divorce, not WH. Never negotiate with foggy WH's that could be involved in immigrant fraud stuff. Let your own lawyer help you with a plan for divorce settlement.

If you don't like where you live, and feel like a hostage, why don't you just sell and move. Get a new start somewhere else. Don't let WH push you into something you don't want, and will only cause you misery. And don't go into something you know you will not be able to afford in a couple of years.

I didn't know you were WW at one time. How long ago was that? I don't know if that could change your plans of your counter filing adultery with WH or not.

As far as Immigration info, do the right thing and report it, let them investigate the matter. Doing that will not effect your divorce settlement.


Lady

Ladysheep,
I will definatly get a lawyer to look over WH's papers. I am going to make some calls today to see if there is any advantage to filing first. I have had a consulation with one lawyer, but I think I will look for someone else.

Yes, I was once the WW. An EA with my "first love" after 10 years of marriage. WH and I have been reconciled for a year after a 2 year separation. The lawyer said that should have no bearing on anything as we lived as man and wife for the past year.

On the house thing, the easy thing to do would just be to stay. The smart thing to do would be to leave. It is just not gaining equity due to the neighborhood. Plus, it is irritating to hear WH talk about what is in the best interest of the children. I need to talk to some real estate people to help me make a decision about the house.

When we separated before, he kept everything but my clothes and my books. I left with nothing as that was our verbal agreement-he who walks, walks with nothing. He paid me 10% of his income in "CS" since I was a SAHM, homeschooling the children and he wanted the HSing to continue. If he can figure out a way to divorce me and it only cost me 10% (which would be $60 a month as I only work one day a week), then I will happily divorce him.

On the immigrations thing, I feel like I need to see some D offer in the works first. Me calling immigrations would pretty much cancel out any generousity WH may feel right now.

Could this be part of the dinner talk the 3, WH, OW, OWH?? had the other day? Are you feeling like you are being bribed? Don't accept any bribes!

Lady

Wh said that OWH said he doesn't care what OW and WH as long as I don't cause OW immigrations trouble. He just wanted to make sure that WH could keep wifey poo in check. Of course, that is according to WH-and we know how reliable a WS is.

But, that would lead credance to the "OWH is not really OWH theory". If thst is her husband, why would he be concerned about his WW getting her citizenship? She is planning to D him and will probably get some of his business interest, why would a BH protect her? So, OWH is probably a brother or cousin or something.

If they want to bribe me, they are going to have to do better that this. This is why I need to stop procrastinating and get the info from a PI. I am leaning more towards a PI instead of just calling INS. I need to info to see what my bargaining room is.

But I am ashamed to say, if OWH wants to protect OW, he can help fund the "keep wifey quiet" fund. If I could get rid of the 2nd mortgage on the house, the house would be worth keeping.

But, I don't know what I am talking about. I feel very immature and naive. I don't want to have to make grown up decisions right now. I want my H who would have protected me. I want to be part of a team.

OK, pity party over... back to war.

What a mess Jean.....Is your WH planning on remarrying OW?

Lady

That is what he is telling people. Of course, he will have to wait a few years until she gets her D and is a citizen. I don't understand that either? Can't she just D her H, marry mine and have her citizenship? I just don't get all this. That is why I need to get the info, get the info, get the info.

I am quickly talking myself out of any love for WH at all. Not good for MBing, but probably healthy for me.

I don't believe that for a minute....



[quote]That is why I need to get the info, get the info, get the info.[quote]

The only info I have is your WH is being stupid, stupid, stupid. And "if" it is an "arranged type of marriage" they are trying to make him think he is "Oh so loved, in thier family, they will promise him the moon."
And he feels he is helping them, so..... They will screw him so bad in the end. He shouldn't marry her, because then he will be financially responsible for her and in the end she will take him for everything, with the help of the men in her family. He has no idea what he is getting entangled with.

Lady

I wish there was someone who knew something that would give me some insight into this situation. But, I can't talk to anyone who knows OW/OWH, the loyalty is pretty strong.

But, I did email a local PI just now, hopefully, I can get the immigrations status info at a reasonable price.

Question- I think I know what church she goes to. Remember when I went to the Korean church and the preacher helped me with the translation letter to OWH? Well the preacher told me which church he thinks OW goes to. I have thought about trying to talk to that preacher for help. But that seems to be crossing a line to me-plus, it would probably not be effective. Almost every Korean I have spoken to, runs and tells OW as soon as I walk away.

I hope the PI can help!

Lady

I have been pretty productive this AM. I have the mortgage balance and talked to our old real estate lady and got an estimated value based on the neighborhood. So now I have a better idea of where I stand on that issue.

The PI said he doesn't have much luck with immigrations status, but he is checking his resources and if he thinks he can get me answers, he'll let me know.

I called another attorney that has been recommended to me. They wanted a lot of info to make sure that WH has not already seen them. So I called WH to see who he did see so I will not call that firm-and he wouldn't give me the name!!

So that started a big discussion, more name calling and threats by him, blah blah blah. No resolution on anything, I am acting like a lowlife, petty 6th grader in his opinion. OK, that means alot to me.

Here is his current sticking point. A few months ago, he put money in my checking account for a family vacation. He wants that $$ back, I won't give it to him without a court order. He gave his wife $$, it his not HIS anymore, it is OURS (I think) So that is what he is stuck on now says he takes back all previous offers. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

He says he is tired of me calling and making him feel bad <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Maybe he wants that money for a lawyer, or maybe he doesn't want you to have that money to get a lawyer. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
He definitely wants that money out of your hands doesn't he?
Well you keep it. It's yours! Infact hurry and withdraw it before he gets a lawyer and hide it, and keep it for yourself. You don't have to tell him when you withdraw it, do you????


Well he should feel bad, because he is being bad. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Oh Yeah! Could it be all previous offers are off because you won't give him the money so he can run to a lawyer? I wonder..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

OK, I talked to one lawyer today, the one I had the initial consult with.

1. The money is not his, it is "ours", the court will decide what to do with it. Should I give it to my mom to hold, or just leave it where it is. He has no way of getting my bank statements, they don't come to the house. His bank statements do come to the house, I need to get busy making copies.

2. The only advantage to filing first is if I need a temporary order of support. It is not bad for me to let him file and see exactly what he is offering.

3. It is very reasonable and likely that the courts would go along with forbidding OW to be around the children as long as she is married. That would give me her name in a document that would stay active as he would likely want the girls to meet the love of his life, then he would be in contempt. All I want is her name in a legal filing. WH's lawyer said even if I charge her with A, he name would not be a matter of public record. I don't know if he is just blowing smoke or not, I think he is.

So that was my 4 minute conversation-these lawyers don't like to talk for free!

here is the sad kid comment of the day:

OD (8yo) told me that she doesn't want to visit Daddy anymore. I encouraged her to, but asked her why she didn't want to. She said "Daddy said that everything he left in the house is now yours, so he left me, that makes me yours"

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

Jean,
I am so sorry....WH just does not get the impact his action has on the kids...She is just way too young to get this lesson in life!

It just makes me sad....

Hang in there jean...

Dasiy

Well Jean, I hope you make the right decisions there. Becareful, and don't listen to WH lawyer, he is on your WH side, not yours. I am really angry about you sitch, for personal reasons I guess. I hate that your WH is talking divorce, but what I hate the most is... how he is going about it.

Lady

Thanks Daisy, I really hope that things can calm down soon so the kids don't have this so heavily on them. I am carefully looking at my role in their feelings and trying as hard as I can to perserve what I can of the father/daughter relationship. I just keep telling them to be patient until daddy gets situated.

Ladysheep
You sounded ominous, do you have a feeling about what I should do? I am trying to be logical, not reactive and "scorned wifely". The married woman as a GF just irritates my sensitivity. Plus, I do want her named in the D somewhere, jut because they don't wanther to be named so bad.

Am I being petty, silly or naive??