I was talking to my sister tonight, and I expressed my concern about WH being overdrawn. Now, he could have taken money for a lawyers retainer, but he normally leaves a nice cushion in the account.

It made her wonder if WH may be using drugs. I hate to think that, but for him to be overdrawn is very alarming. Plus, the kids say he sleeps all weekend when they are there with him.

We tried to think of other scenarios that would make sense, another account, hookers or strippers, lawyer, etc... Drugs makes all the pieces fit.

I am genuinely concerned, I wonder if I called him, would he believe that I am worried about him, as opposed to just worried about the bills being paid (which is of grave concern also). Because honestly, he does make enough to pay the house payment and his motel and expenses, it would be tighter than he is used to, but really doable.

I guess that check he gave me for groceries is no good. I think I will deposit it anyway just to show he wrote me a bum check.

Jean,

I hope it's not something else he is into besides an OW!!!! Go figure, he holds the check from you and then gives it to you knowing it's bad.

The sleeping all the time could indicate that he is depressed. He very well could be depressed......

Sorry OD is having a hard time. That just tears me up inside to hear that. You just want to grab the WH and shake them to their senses.

Glad you are standing your ground on what the D is all about. AN A & two people who are so selfish that they can't see beyond the nose on their face.

What are your plans for Thanksgiving?

Kim

Jean:

With all due respect, your "calling out to him" or "concerns" for him would fall on deaf ears. It is my opinion that you should focus 100% of your energies on your daughters protection...it sounds like your cheater of a husband is in no shape to be caring for them....you should exercise all of your rights within the LAW (and outside of it if need be) to protect them from him and his choices for his life.

Letting them stay with him while he sleeps all day long in a motel or hides in the bathroom doing God knows what (drugs, talking to OW) cannot be aiding them in building a "bond" with him...it is going to rapidly teach them to hate him.

I understand your wanting to "wake him up"......but he doesn't care....it is my opinion, that you CANNOT help people who don't want to be helped.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thursday, the girls are I are going to my mom's. Three of my four siblings will be there with their families. We may spend the night at Mom's Wednesday just for a break in routine.

Saturday, my sister's in-laws (who are also my extended family since WH and BIL have been best friends since childhood) are having their dinner. It is usually 25-35 people <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I am awaiting clearance to attend that dinner due to YD untimely chicken pox! There are a few kids that we need to check before exposing them. I think they had the chicken pox shot-so hopefully we will be OK to go.

Thanks Lemon, I know that you are right, it all just stinks...

Hi Jean,

I find it hard to believe WH would give you a check knowing it's going to bounce. I wonder if he realizes his account is overdrawn???? If it is out of his normal way of handling finances, I would say something is up with him also.

Do you give him his mail?

I think you did chose a good time to file Jean.

I hope the girls are feeling better...and the Thanksgiving plans will go on.

Blessings,
Lady

Yes Ladysheep, it is worrisome. My H is a financial gooberhead, but he has always known that so he always kept a margin for error in his account. This is the account that he uses for his business and I have never known it to be overdrawn.

Out of genuine concern for him, I wish there was someone who could check on him. Hopefully, my sister will talk to her husband (WH's best friend) and he can check up on him. They spoke briefly this past weekend and he just said WH sounds bad.

My 6yo neice is with us today, so hopefully that will be a good distraction for the girls. Thanksgiving at Mom will be good and hopefully we can still do Saturdays dinner even all poxy. I think WH is going out of town this weekend, I'm not sure when he is coming back. I am just not comfortable calling him so I dont know when he will see the kids this weekend.

My OD told me last night that one reason she doesn't like herself right now is because her heart is broken and she can't like anything at all. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Happy Thanksgiving Ladysheep

Jean, I hope he isn't planning on taking off somewhere?

Emptying the account, leaving out of town...I don't know.

But he is up to something no good.

Awe....and OD daughter has been so depressed. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" /> Praying for her!


A children multivitamin may help her too, if you don't already give her one. The vitamin B's will help with the depression. It is best to give it to her at night, by morning it will be dissolved and working through her body. A glass of milk at bedtime will also help her sleep.


Hugs to all of you, and hoping you have a Happy Thanksgiving too.

Lady

Scary thought Lady, but thanks for mentioning it. Fore warned is fore armed right?

And a big Thanks for mentioning the vitamins. I feel like a schmuck for not thinking of that earlier! I know I have a vitamin B absorbtion issue from medical test. I will get OD some good vitamins today and I'll start taking some myself also.

I have been taking Salmon Oil since D-day, I think it has been a big help. I have a predispostion to depressive episodes and I think the Salmon Oil has helped keep my head above water.

I hate missing such obvious things, but am so glad to have them pointed out to me.

WH never asked to take the kids out of town - it does make one wonder if he is planning on running away. I am hoping that the missing money went to a lawyer. But, we shall see...

Today I woke up crying for the first time in a long time. I was thinking about WH being dead, and realizing I am not sure I could give him a nice eulogy. I imagined having to escort OW away from the funeral. I think about all his work related friends coming who helped cover up his A. It stinks to think after 15 years, if he did meet an untimely demise, I would probably just have his body shipped up to his sister to deal with. What a lovely Thanksgiving morning thought process.

I often think of the Teri Schiavo case, and I really do not want my WH calling the shots for me right now in a medical emergency.

OK, enough morbid stuff. Now, it looks like YD doesn't have chicken pox, they started fading after two days, and never had the dew drop look. But, she is cleared to go to both Thanksgiving dinners regardless, everyone has had the pox or the shot.

I am trying not to freak out about the WH's finances. I am really close to ready to just rent one of those construction dumpsters and throw out all the crap in the house, have a big yard sale for the good stuff and auction off the house. I am just tired of worrying about money, to pay for stuff that I don't need anyway. But, I don't have to decide anything today, so I won't.

Today, we will eat too much, have fun with family and spend our day trying to identify the secret ingredients in Mom's "cranberry surprise", "green bean surprise" and "jello surprise". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Happy Thanksgiving!

Jean,

Sending {{{hugz and aloha}}}} 2 u and your children. I agree with lemonman and ladysheep.

1. You can fix the Ws right now. Even communication w/such a creature will backfire. Like trying to pet a rabid animal....not a safe thing t/d.

2. Your children need your love and support. Vitamins will help some. Good t/d for all of you.

I tried to keep my son busy during that time. It was hard with me working sooo much so I often took him to work. He didn't have to be at home wondering when his father w/b coming back and witnessing more grief. Though we spend a lot of time alone, we did spend it away from home so that when we were home, we cherished it more. Slowly we got used to the WS NOT being there so that when he showed up to have a tantrum, it was much easier to throw the bum out. LOL!!!

This stuff take time.

My d/d was in Nov 2000 on the Saturday after the thanksgiving holiday. This is still a trigger time of the year for me. Then the following 3 years were all triggers. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> But it does get easier to deal with.

Enjoy your family today.

take care,
L.

Nice to hear from you Orchid!

Today was OK. I started to get panicky on the way to Mom's house, I had forgotten I had not been in that area since the day that I talked to OW and OWH's. I had to fight the urge to call or knock on her door and wish her a Happy $&#% Thanksgiving and a big %$#$%@ for helping to destroy my children's family. But, I phoned a friend who agreed that it might make me feel better, it would likely get a restaining order issued against me, so I did well and just drove on by.

And then I realized that even without the A, my WH would not be with me. He has not gone to my mom's house for anything in years. I used to always lie and say he had to work, but finally just started admitting that he is an a$$ that refuses to come to family functions.

So once I realized that this holiday was really no different than any others, I was able to chill out and have a good time. I am not sure I even mentioned WH or the D, so that was good. The kids had a good time, we brought home left over key lime pie! They are relaxing watching "Ice Age" right now and I am enjoying a good pot of coffee.

jean,


I am glad you had a nice day. I guss it was easier for you since WH never went anyway.

Sounds like the kids had a great time, I am sure it was good for them.

Take Care, Hurting

Thanks Hurting,

Today was OK. The girls and I went bowling with an old friend of mine and H's and his son. We had a pretty good time, it was fun watching the girls enjoy themselves.

Friend and I were talking about a concert that my family had gone to. That triggered some crappy feelings. It was just a few weeks before d-day, a great night under the stars. The four of us on a blanket, H's head in my lap, and now I know he was having an A at the time. Stuff like that just makes me crazy, trying to figure out what was so bad about our lives... We had a very active SF life, had not argued about anything in a year, planning our first family vacation to Disney, no money trouble, I just don't know what he thought was missing. He talked about work, I listened and admired his accomplishments, he was proud of the children and their homeschool work, we were all very affectionate. There wasn't alot of RC, but he worked such hours that it was hard to plan anything.

I guess I could drive myself crazy trying to get it to make sense. The only comfort I have is that it doesn't make sense to anyone else either. His few friends have plainly said he has lost his mind. I guess that is the best answer I will get.

Tomorrow we are going to the big Thanksgiving dinner. I don't know when WH will get the kids, but I think I don't need to see him right now. If he wants to get the kids from the dinner, I'll just leave first. This is the same family that we had the blow out on the front lawn of the birthday party, I am just not up for a repeat of that. I'll just slip off, let my sister watch the kids until WH shows up.

I haven't seen or talked to him since he gave me the bum check and I got the overdraft notice. I am sure if I have to see him tomorrow, I would feel attacked and say something crappy to him, and I am just too tired to have another crappy conversation with him.

Today is funky, I just haven't been able to shake this mood. Maybe it is just anxiety since I will probably have to deal with WH today.

It is three months past D-day, and there have been 2 mornings that my WH was not the first thing on my mind in the AM. Two mornings out of almost 100.

Another extended family celebration today and I am trying to keep it in perspective. My WH has not gone to this function with me for years, he most likely would not be there if we were together, so I don't have to mourn something today, I have been doing this dinner alone for years.

My emotional theme just keeps coming around to this : he is a jacka$$, he has been for years, how dare he think he will find someone better than me to put up with his crap.

I really want to just fast forward through the next year and wake up divorced, in a different locale, and past the pain and confusion.

Bwahaahaaaa!!! You have me laughing already this morning with this -

he is a jacka$$, he has been for years, how dare he think he will find someone better than me to put up with his crap

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Jean, You made me laugh too.

I hope you and the girls have a great time today!

Lady

Jean,

Well thems some interesting lyrics. Wonder what kind of music or beat can be put to them? Maybe 'dead beat'???? Like Rap, rap, rap, rap a tap tap. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Oooh..... I'm not a musican, just enjoy listening to good music. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

Well the crappiness has continued. OD ended up having a huge melt down sceaming about daddy. He called while we were in the middle of this and OD said she wanted to see him now, so he came and got them about an hour later.

So I am off to the family dinner alone - and that is OK.

I gave him the bank notice, told him I didn't bother trying to deposit the check he gave me. I asked him to please try to talk to OD as right now she is very, very angry. OD said she is ready to try to share her feelings with him, so we will see how that goes.

I ended up losing it the morning and cried with OD and told her how angry I was with WH for doing this to her. YD is OK, she is just sick of the drama and says she doesn't know what the big deal is since daddy was never here anyway.

And I did ask him to please refrain from playing that song over and over on the car stereo as it is driving OD crazy and we had to evacuate from a Burger King last week when it came on the radio.

I actually started to write a little country ditty last separation. It was titled "Until I can wish you well, I'll be hoping that you burn in he11" OK, not very Christian, but very therapeutic.

I wish he would just evaporate... I think I am PMSing...

Hey - will you post it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


Hey, I'm with you here. My hormones are all over the place, as I was getting the contraceptive injection before STBX moved out, and stopped getting it when he left. Now my body is trying to adjust - PMS with a vengence!


LOLOLOLOLOLOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Alph.