Thanks Eav, that is the bad part, WH being willing to work for anything right now. For now, and for the foreseeable future, OW should not be around the kids. I will ask for that in the papers. I should be able to buy a few years of that by asking that OW not be around the kids until she is divorced also (which won't happen soon because of the weird immigrations thing <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />)

Here is another crappy part. I think that YD and WH probably get along fone during their visits and that makes OD feel even worse. YD and WH have always been more alike, loud, fun, outgoing... OD and I are more alike, serious, introverted, sensitive... So I just imagine OD there wondering what is wrong with her that she doesn't get along with her dad as well as her sister does.

Please keep my DD's in your prayers if you are inclined to pray, they need all the help they can get right now.

Well the girls are home from their weekend. Again, it takes two hours of tears and anger and hurt for OD to get calmed down. Luckily, she goes to the counselor tomorrow, I really hope the counselor can give her some tools for her frustration.

She is really starting to hate visitation. WH is still at the motel, on the thrid floor, so he tells the kids they have to be quiet all the time. He sleeps alot or is in the bathroom talking on the phone. And when they are in the car, he listens to the same song over and over... OD has some sensory intergration issues and has always hated car stereos. I don't even have a radio in my car, she just can't stand being trapped with music. So his inconsideration by cranking up the stereo everytime she is in the car is just assinine and very damaging. Even YD says she is sick of the [email]d@mn[/email] song. ( Must be his and OW's song <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> )

YD is on anitbiotics, so I sent that with her. I was tempted to type out instructions, but then I realized that this man is 37 and should be able to read a label. Well, I guess not. He only gave it to her once a day, plus, he forgot it. He said he would go home and bring it back tonight, but that was almost 3 hrs ago.

I hope to hear from the attorney's office at the beginning of the week, I am just tired.

OD did ask WH why he left, he said he wanted something different for his life. She asked him if this is what he wanted, he said it didn't think it all the way through. So she asked why he just couldn't come home, he said it is not that easy.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Hey, he came back and brought the meds, and gave me a check for $150 that he wrote in October (he told me he had written a check back then for groceries, but I had made him mad so he wasn't going to give it to me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> ) I guess I have stayed out of his face long enough that he gave me food money for the first time in uh 8-9 weeks?

Oh my gosh Jean, just thinking of those girls sitting with him in that hotel room all weekend like that is really sad!

I would say from now on if OD doesn't want to go for visitation, I wouldn't make her. I wonder if the counselor could help you get it court ordered for now. She could write a statement for the judge that DD is just not emotionally capable of handling it right now. She sounds severely depressed.

And.....I'm not going to write the words I'm feeling about your WH about now!!!!

{{{{{Jean and girls}}}}}} May God hold you all in His Loving Care.

Lady

Jean,

I am glad he gave you some money. It's hard to believe they can just go on with life and not worry about the children eating or anything.

I hope your OD can open up to the counselor sounds like she needs a safe place to vent. I feel so bad for the children they don't understand.

My own DS is still having issues with all of this and having a hard time. But he is in couseling as well at school, not sure if its helping but I know given time it will.

take Care

Hurting

How considerate! Did he want a trophy with that too???

That is so sad that your daughters have such an awful time with WH. Is he not so full of himself that he can't see their unhappiness? I guess he figures it's best for him to go ahead and have DD's suffer through the pain now rather than he stay in a sitch where he will always be "wanting something different"

Glad he brought the meds back......and that you have a bit of breathing room with grocery money.

Kim

I will ask the counselor what she recommends. I do want OD to be with her dad, but not if it is doing more damage.

During the previous separation, he was the typical Disney Dad, fun activities and going out all the time with the girls. I guess he is too broke to be a good Disney Dad right now.

I just hate being like this. I am afraid I am just starting to sound bitter. When he doesn't give me money, I b*tch, when he does, I worry about his motives. When he does anything positive, I worry about what he is trying to "pull".

Do you think WH would go to counseling with OD for a time or 2? Something really needs to be done. You must worry about her so.

Well it's good he gave you some money for food. He didn't
give you money because you made him mad?....is that his form of punishment, take away the food! Yikes!!

What he said to DD has me thinking...when she asked if this is what he wanted, and he said he didn't think things through. I wonder if he thinking things through a little more now....maybe unsure of his choice????

Does he know you are in the process of filing for divorce now?

Lady

Do you think WH would go to counseling with OD for a time or 2? Something really needs to be done. You must worry about her so.
The counselor has asked about that, I will keep hoping maybe in the future. OD hasn't been in counseling very long, I think she needs to build up some more trust.

Well it's good he gave you some money for food. He didn't
give you money because you made him mad?....is that his form of punishment, take away the food! Yikes!!
Yea, that is what he said. "I actually had a check in the kids bag for you, but now that you've p*ssed me off, I'm not going to give it to you!". So, a month later, he finally gives me that check. I did call him to ask if that was for something specific, he said no, I said I appreciate it.

What he said to DD has me thinking...when she asked if this is what he wanted, and he said he didn't think things through. I wonder if he thinking things through a little more now....maybe unsure of his choice????

Does he know you are in the process of filing for divorce now?
I don't think he knows, unless the kids mentioned that they ran to the lawyers office with me (which I doubt, they just saw me handing the receptionist a check and some paperwork, I doubt that it made an impression on them. I haven't discussed anything with him in a few weeks, last we talked, he knew I didn't have money to file and I was waiting on him to do something.

I guess I will call him once before I file formally, maybe from the law office, just to make sure he never intends to come home. Then I will let him know papers will be filed now and does he want to pick them up or be served. I have no idea if anything in his heart is changing, I think mine is getting pretty hardened. I love who he represented himself to be, but I don't think that man exists anymore.

OD had her counseling appt today. The therapist took me in alone first. She said, based on what she has seen, she thinks that reduced visitation may be in order until WH gets his life together a little more. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

This is just heartbreaking to hear, a neutral party saying that WH has his head too far up his own a$$ to parent his children.

We left it for today, agreeing that OD needs a few more sessions to get real comfortable with the counselor, then we will ask WH to come in with her. She needs to talk to him in a safe environment.

I didn't hear from the lawyer today, I'll call tomorrow and see were we are on the papers. I guess it will have to wait until after Thanksgiving before they are ready to file.

OD had her counseling appt today. The therapist took me in alone first. She said, based on what she has seen, she thinks that reduced visitation may be in order until WH gets his life together a little more.


Wow. That is sad. But, that's what happens with a WH. They are so focused on themselves that they can sometimes turn into a bad parent.(And isn't it an awful choice they have made by committing adultery) That is a bad parent right there. I do think it is important that your OD's are protected emotionally as much as possible. And if WH isn't fit to care for them, then it could be in their best interest not to see him for a bit......

Will be interested to hear what happens with the session including WH.

Kim

It does break my heart for him and the children (not so much for me anymore). I just feel like he really is a broken man, and I love him and hate that for him. And I feel guilty for feeling like I am bailing on him by preparing for divorce.

Now I think YD has chicken pox! She is just finishing up the tonsilitis meds and now she is covered with spots! We are going to have a fun beginning to our holiday season!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I have been on the phone with the lawyer today. They intended to file Irr Diff, I let them know that was unacceptable. They said that will cause him to contest the D and drag this thing out - I said fine, we will just stay married. The only Irr Diff we have is he loves OW, I do not.

So they are going to the Adultery and Imp Marital Conduct (I still don't know exactly what that is). I will not sign a D saying "we just don't get along". If he is not man enough to admit the A, then he will be stuck with me.

I really don't think he will contest it, but we shall see. I guess I should assume he will, and if it has to get that nasty, then so be it.

I guess I need to examine my feelings on this, see if it is negotiable in my mind.

Part of it is financial- I think my alimony case is stronger with the adultery. Plus, he wants to protect OW, and I don't. And it is what it is-so let's label it and get on with it.

LOL....is this a threat? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />


Jean....I think the lawyer was concerned he couldn't gather enough evidence of adultery to make the case if WH should contest. But there should be enough.

Hopefully he won't contest. But if he does and it does get messy, at least you are doing your filing based on the truth.

Lady

LOL Lady, yea, I guess that is a threat. And I think he knows that I will not sign a D without the A in there.

I talked to BIL (WH's best friend, but they are barely speaking also). He said that WH probably would contest it, it is just the thing to do. I just don't get that, why??

OD is having a bad day today. I am going to go see if I can find a tape recorder so she can talk about her feelings towards her dad, then she can decide whether or not to give them to him. She hates writing so letters are out, and she is scared to talk to him personally.

Today, if he wanted to come home, I would let him because this is killing my children.

Jean-
Good for you!!!
Do not give him an easy way out...You are right in making sure the real reason for the divorce is brought to the top of the list... HIS AFFAIR...

My wife listed Incompatable on her papers... I got a laugh on that too... It's pretty darn hard to be compatable with someone who is currently cheating on you with another man.....
I did not agree to her terms.... Made sure her attourney knew the real reason she was filing. Had my attourney paint the picture to wifes attourney about how I was set to win everything including custody of the kids and could even win child support from her....
What do you think happened next... She with drew the papers and she has yet to actually file.
This has really upset OM by wifes delay....\

Keep up the pressure on his fantasy island. You are right about making sure EVERYONE knows the truth....

OD is having a terrible day emotionally, and YD does seem to have the chicken pox.

The IRS sent another bill for WH and I , the amount they want in December is pretty impressive. And WH got an overdraft notice in the mail today. It makes me wonder if he has set up another checking account, or is he completely broke. I guess I'll know soon if he had enough to cover the mortgage.

Oddly, this makes me feel sorry for him, something has got to snap in his head soon. Or maybe he is a monster and I am good to be rid of him.

I will say a prayer for you and your daughters.
It appears you DH is headed for rock bottom. I don't know what to tell you about legal advice for your finances. Is your name attached to everything?
Are you getting professional financal advice? I hope so!

Another example of how the addiction of affairs can destroy you and everything that REALLY matters... As a BS myself I just find it amazing how powerful affairs are.

Hang in there. I know it's lonely on the high ground, but you are doing great...

Thanks again Dazed. I keep you and your DD in my thoughts and prayers too, this is so hard on the kids.

We may loose the house due to my WH's shenanigans, but the girls and I will still have our little family. I almost said, we would still have our peace of mind, but I can't say that today, that will come soon hopefully for all of us.