I am glad they talk to me, but they are having some major loyalty issues. WH has asked them to NOT talk to me, so anything they say, they are worried about getting him in trouble. So I try very hard not to react, not to call him and ask him what the he11 he is thinking, I just listen and suggest she talk to the counselor about that.

OD's current suggestion, since daddy can't stand to be around mommy, and appears to be happy in crappy hotel, he can come home and move into the shed out back.

I think I tried so hard to protect her from feeling anger, it caused some pent up crap. Now, I just let her feel her anger, let her know that she probably will get over the anger and let her know I understand. We have the "anger ball" and we have pillow fights when she gets really mad.

She still refuses to draw on paper, or make a tape. She is very worried about dad coming to counseling with her, but I promised he would not come until she said it was OK.

But, on the plus side, she has discovered that she loves writing in cursive. She has really balked at any schoolwork since WH left. So now she wants to do everything in cursive which is great if it gets her doing something.

OD's current suggestion, since daddy can't stand to be around mommy, and appears to be happy in crappy hotel, he can come home and move into the shed out back.
Exactly....I can see what she means...whats the difference?...crappy hotel or shed?

He's so far from happy...it's not funny! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Lady

I have finished reading the paperwork. It really just makes me nauseated. I just can't believe all this...

The paperwork did not include any kid stuff, other than the fact they exist. I am assuming that the initial stuff needs parenting plans and CS stuff in it. I guess I am nervous because his income is going to be up for debate.

What he has offered as far as paying the household bills for two years is what they are calling alimony. His CS will be separate. The attorney says that is reasonable due to the fact that I am a SAHM. WH will freak (it freaks me out a little too) because if the judge gives me this alimony plus CS, I will get over 60% of his pay (before taxes). That just seems really high, but I have read threads where the WW gets alimony and CS, so I guess the BW should have a good shot too.

And of course, it is insulting to think he would rather pay out the a$$ just to be rid of me.

The paperwork did not include any kid stuff, other than the fact they exist. I am assuming that the initial stuff needs parenting plans and CS stuff in it. I guess I am nervous because his income is going to be up for debate.
I'm not sure about this...but I think all of that is determined through a mediation process. You are nervous his income being up for debate...are you feeling bad for that?

And Jean ....2 years really isn't that long of a period of time IMHO. You have been married and a SAHM for 14 yrs.

Lady

Oddly Ladysheep, I do feel sorry for him. I will get over that, I am sure once he gets the full gist of the situation, his fangs will reappear and the threats and nastiness will resume.

I really know that I will be fine and I believe that the children will do well once this is settled. And not just on the finances, we will be fine even if WH drops off the earth.

But no OW, no Xbox game, no vehicle, nothing is going to help WH. And I hate that he doesn't get that.

Jean...

But no OW, no Xbox game, no vehicle, nothing is going to help WH. And I hate that he doesn't get that.

No, other things will not help.....he like ALL of us, has to look inside himself...there is where the answers lie....he will not be able to run from himself forever...hard to run from someone who is always with you....

Daisy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

But I am sure WH will think if he could have his OW and his paycheck, he could be happy. Why oh why, won't I just let him be happy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

me too Jean....If only i would give my H both of our dogs.....can't i see that I am ruining HIS life...that i am keeping him from his happiness

what's wrong with us anyway....don't we care about THEIR feelings??

why are we making life so hard for them??

if we had any feelings for them at all...we wouldn't DO THIS to them

maybe we have problems that we should seek help for

oh no.....now i have to get a tissue cause i'm laughing so hard i'm crying...or is it that i'm crying so hard i'm laughing??

Wait, let me get in on this one!!! If I would only refinance the house with him that would make his life so jolly!! Dang me for screwing up his finances like this. Now WH can't free up any money so he can get a place of his own.

Has to sleep in a friend's house in their guest room.

Why am I so selfish!

Jean, shame on you for being so selfish!!!

Kim

so WE ARE the problem!!

we are so selfish that we can't just give them eveything they want....and give up everything we want

maybe they should start a website to get support from others who are married to such inconsiderate people who believe that they should love, honor, and cherish them for life just because they are married...

they could call it marriage busters!

and they could have a PLAN G...how to Get rid of your spouse and a plan H if all else fails....how to make them HATE you enough to let you go

and they could link it to the OW thread so it's easier for the lousy SOB to find each other

just my 2 cents worth <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Plan I - intimidate them into submission
Plan J - justify until the BS actually starts to buy the fog
Plan K - Kick and scream like a 2 year old
Plan L - Lie a little more just to keep them on their toes


.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

and plan H...keep them hanging in case your "first choice" doesn't work out and you have to go back home

Plan G: Guilt trip the BS till they believe the A is their fault!

Ahhhhh.....

Daisy

My fourth morning since D-Day that I work up not thinking about WH, but then I realize I am not thinking about it and it starts the hamster wheels turning.

I had to talk to WH about a Girl Scout Parade that occurs during his time, I gave him the details, he spoke to the kids. OD told him her idea of him living in the shed, he said "we'd have to see about that", so she gets all hopeful again and I hate that he just can't be consistant. He tells the girls no way, no how, but then says "we'll see" and doesn't get that they can't handle the roller coaster.

OD said that WH told her that the couselor said that he was supposed to lie to OD ( When counselor said he should not discuss OW with the kids ). This seriously confused OD as she likes counselor and doesn't know who to trust. So I explained that the couselor said that daddy should not talk to kids about GF, she never said lie. I will let the counselor know this, as it appears that he will try to undermine the therapist to make himself look good.

OD just got up, very angry, WH had said he would get them for dinner Tuesday (This was news to me) and she woke up, realized it was Wednesday, and that means Daddy lied again. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

This seriously confused OD as she likes counselor and doesn't know who to trust. So I explained that the couselor said that daddy should not talk to kids about GF, she never said lie. I will let the counselor know this, as it appears that he will try to undermine the therapist to make himself look good.

Jean, I feel so sad for your girls. When did they go to counseling together?

He really needs to be honest with them. So those issues do need to be brought up at counseling immediately. When is the next visit? He needs to be confronted about it. DD does not need to be confused about counseling now, or wondering whether he's gonna come home and live in the shed or not. I'm telling you.... does the deceit ever end?
Hopefully it will.

Lady

Oooh....this gets me all riled up also. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> Whew...whew....whew..... deep cleansing breathes..... ARrgghg. What kind of creature is he? Oh yeaaaa.... the alien kind. arrrggh.....

Jean, hug your kids. Slip in a few extra hugz from all the parents and people here who can see what a jerk the WS is being. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

BTW, here's an {{{{{MB Hug}}}}} from me 2 u. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

Ps: The offer to call that OW is still open. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Lady and Orchid.

WH has not seen the counselor. I told him that the counselor said he should stop dumping GF stuff on the kids, and that I needed to stop dumping the financial stuff on the kids. ( I didn't bash him about the finances, I just explained that things were tight with the situation and that we were selling a few things, and I have stopped talking about $$ in front of the kids )

But when I told WH what the counselor recommended, he said "What, I am supposed to lie to my children, we need open and honest" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

So anywhooo, OD is having serious issues with WH's credibility at this point. Him promising Tuesday night and not showing was a big blow. But she seems to be moving into more of an anger thing insted of a heartbroken thing, so perhaps we are moving on the grief ladder.

YD said that she has discovered the secret to not divorcing. Something about marrying a friend instead of that "teen age googly eye stuff", so that when you get "worn out on each other", you still have your friend. She is going to write books and make millions (after her rock star career and rodeo riding days)

I have been told I sound perky today, the paper filing scares me. But, things have been pretty calm on the WH front. I guess it is time to get him all riled up again so he can start the threatening and yelling and stuff. That should put the nail in the coffin on all this hoping for the best that I keep doing.

I finally did deposit the rubber check he wrote, I'll be eager to see if it cleared.

Sounds like a perfect plan to me!! She has it all right!!!

Hey, I'd love to hear if that check clears ----

So, your WH is all about being open and honest right now??? When did that start?

Kim

Jean....

I am with Kim....when did the "honesty" start???? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Sheash....it really is an alien world these WS are on....

I have to say I am kind of worried about your YD...she just sounds too together...it is kind of sad <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />....Not that she should be miserable....but it just seems sad to me that she 'apears' so rational about this....wow...she is just so young....<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

All the best to you jean....

Daisy

Daisy,

I worry alot about YD also. OD is such a "squeaky wheel", she gets greased alot. YD seems OK, but I do try to be mindful that she just deals with everything so differently. She is the poster child for "the mascot", just make a joke and smooth everything over.

Luckily, my sister, one of my best friends and his GF are all counselors, two of them specialize in children. Plus, they are in counseling, OD more than YD, but YD gets to see her also. Today, the three of us with the counselor played a board game on grief and loss. Both of the girls seemed to enjoy it, so I thought about making up a similar game for home.

And if I can toot my own horn for a moment, I love listening to my girls. We really spend hours and hours a week just talking about stuff. I was listening to both of them at the counselors today, and they both fascinate me with their thought processes.

I think YD has an easier time because of the previous separation. We were apart during her ages 3-5, she only knows WH and I together for the past year. I was asking her today if she remembered when I moved out, she doesn't but OD does.

YD also reminds OD often, that daddy was never here anyway. She just doesn't seem to miss him that much.

They also both talk with alot of expression. We were watching my neice the other day and the girls were reminding neice about the "no whining, big girl voices" policy. YD said "Mom has taught us a huge vocabulary and she expects us to use it" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I really try to be mindful of the changes in YD's life. Her biggest complaint is OD's emotional outbursts. So, YD has lost her father and her carefree sister at the same time.