I don't know any specifics and yes the whole thing sounds weird and has sounded very weird from the get go.

I do have their SSN# so I could research it more if I wanted to via PI. But, I just really don't care to. I think this woman may really be playing my WH. I do hate that for him, but he is a grown man.

Perhaps she will come up pregnant soon, would that keep her in the US for awhile??

I am just going to react to the facts as I know them, and only the facts. All I really know is OW will soon be single, so my keeping her away from the kids as long as she was married is a moot point now. That really is the only relevent tidbit.

I am curious of course, but I have resigned that I will probably never know the truth about my H, the affair, who in the world these people are or how I could have not realized who I was married to.

The papers say they got married in 2002, they have been in my state for 6 years, but I don't know how long they have been in USA. OWH is 15 years older than OW. WH says they are keeping the D filing a secret for some reason (which caused more anger as to how I knew).

Someone is still lying most likely. I just know that is isn't me. And I still some out looking like the bad guy...

Okay a few months ago you exposed the affair to OWH.... like he didn't know....right?

Then your Sister or friends see's the three of them out to dinner a few nights later.

Then WH & WW go for an "emotional break" from each other.

Now you file.

Then OWH files the next day.


Weird!!!

Jean,

Sounds to me like some shady stuff going on here. Somehow , someway all of this will come out in the end and I feel for anyone who is caught doing the shady deals....

Darn shame your WH ended up in such a mess and now your family is paying the price for it.... Keep up your chin and hold your head high. Things will become clear soon I feel ....

I'm glad you found out Jean. But it doesn't look good...it looks like some underhanded stuff going on, but I can't figure it out. I wonder why OW didn't get a green card being married to OWH, is it because of adultery with your H, or some other reason?

And now is it her plan to marry your H to try and get a green card?

Okay a few months ago you exposed the affair to OWH.... like he didn't know....right?
I do think OWH's knew something, but maybe didn't know that WH had a wife that cared. I met OWH - very little English spoken, but this peice is a fact.

Then your Sister or friends see's the three of them out to dinner a few nights later.
Fact, confirmed by picture. WH said the gist of the meeting was OWH's telling WH that he didn't care what they did together as long as WH kept his wife and immigrations out of it. Meeting - fact, conversation - as told by WH, take it for what that is worth.

Then WH & WW go for an "emotional break" from each other. Hmmm, maybe some truth, WH did look pretty wretched for awhile. I think they lasted three weeks. So, maybe bogus info - who knows.

Now you file. Fact

Then OWH files the next day. Oddly enough, same darn day. That is fact. OW and OWH signed the papers, OWH was plaintiff. WH said OW did not tell him until 2 days later and won't give him any details - that is from WH so may be bogus, but is weird as a lie or the truth.


Weird!!! Fact!!

I wonder if OWH's application was accepted because he has been here longer and has his own sponser (speculation). But OW would have to have a sponser besides OWH since she has been here for at least 6 years and only married for 3 years.

I think someone said that they couldn't get D'd right after they get their cards because it would raise red flags. But is OWH's citizenship was not based on his M, then I guess I could see why he could get a D as soon as he did.

I guess the only real question that is important is who is lying. Is WH lying to me or is he reporting to me what his being told. I have a feeling that WH is telling me what he has been told, his stories don't deviate. But WH did say that OW won't tell him what is in the papers. To me, that is a red flag, but I am just the type of person who likes info on what kinda mess I am being drug into.

I wonder how long OW has to find a new sponser???

Another interesting tidbit. I was talking to my BIL (the CPA) about our tax situation. He said he is going to ask WH to sign over Power of Attorney to him so BIL can deal with the IRS. WH is really conflict avoiding about the IRS and I don't think the IRS will give any concesions to his CA behavior. So I don't appear to be the only one that thinks WH has lost his freaking mind.

Hi Jean,

I think the best thing for you to focus on now is you and the children.

Your H problems are now his problems, not yours. What he is doing, whether right or wrong concerning OW is on him. Those are decisions he is making and you can't change that unfortunately... I hope you can pray and let it go!!!
Commit H into Gods hands. Ask God to take over, and relieve and heal your household. Ask him to guide you each day, and help you to make the right decisions, and He will.

As far as the tax sitch, I don't quite understand that, but it seems your WH has gotten in over his head there(??). Hopefully that will be worked out as best as possible.

Blessings,
Lady

Thanks Ladysheep,

You are right, I have gotten all stirred up with this lastest development. I need to get back to detached with love. There are some things that I just don't need to concern myself with, but almost every aspect affects me and the girls.

For example, if he needs to marry OW, he would need a speedier divorce which should make him more agreeable to my terms. If a pregnancy would keep her here, that would affect me emotionally and would just generally be a bummer for our children. There would be this "Why does Daddy live with the baby, but doesn't live with us".

But, at least I am off the hook for naming OW. He can't be upset with me for not protecting her fraudulent marriage anymore since her M is over. He'll have to find something new and exciting to hate me about.

As far as the taxes, he will see my actions as vindictive and not realize that it is strictly self preservation.

Detach with love, respect him enough to let him hit bottom, protect myself from OWs boyfriend and continue to pray for my children's father. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I know, it's hard for it not to affect you. Your H has got himself into a mess, and he has the choice to get out of it, or go deeper. We pray he will not go deeper.

One thing here Jean is, if OW couldn't get a green card being married (sponsored by) OWH, I don't think it would be possible to get one by being married to your H. If they were to marry, which I hope they don't, it would probably keep her in the states longer awaiting the application process, but I don't think she would persay get a green card out of the marriage.
She has been turned down already during one marriage...and it looks like any application in the future would fall through. Weather having a baby makes a difference, I don't know. Hey.... we pray she will never be able to get pregnant if that is the case, or if that is their devised plan.

Lady

I know I am just driving myself nuts. This time last year, my biggest problem was trying to find an Evel Knieval vintage toy for a Christmas gift.

What a difference a year makes. I can't imagine what 2006 will be like.

Jean, I hope 2006 will be a 100% better year you for you.

Try to take the focus off OW and WH, you did the right thing naming her in your papers, you did your part, leave the rest to God.

Blessings,
Lady

Decent to good day today. I called WH to see if he was still livid so I would have a heads up on how the kids pick up was going to go. The girls and I went shopping for a few presents including WH's. He picked them up for two hours this PM for shopping and dinner. He did pick up the D papers before he got the kids, no visable reaction.

I have been pretty freaked out yesterday and today about the OW/OWH's divorce thing and what possible effect that will have on me. But, I know now that my reactions may have been skewed by PMS. And since I didn't completely freak, I must be doing so much better. Bad news and PMS is usually a deadly combo for me. So, I am pretty rational after all!

I just need a nap now, I am not enjoying this last minute shopping.

WH looks like run over dog doo - his lifestyle is sure taking its toll on him.

Hi Jean -

Glad your day was an improvement over the past couple.



Yeah, guilt can really put the wear and tear on your face!

I'm all done with my shopping except for my Dad. He is the hardest person in the world to buy for. My mom can wait since she had to go out of town on an emergency mission to my sister's. Gotta love the crowds!

Take Care!

Kim

Thanks Kim, you too!

How did you and WH handle DS's Christmas business?

WH and I have compared notes on what we bought. He will come by Christmas AM before the kids get up hopefully.

I am keeping my fingers crossed that we can pull off a pleasant holiday.

hey there jean

i'm glad that you're keeping busy christmas shopping with your kids.

will you be celebrating at your house or your parents?

will you get to see H because of the kids?

LOL, you made me laugh with will I get to see WH, I will have to spend time with my WH - not a pleasant thought. We will spend the AM here and then the girls and I will go to my mom's. Christmas Eve is spent with my sisters in-laws, they are my extended family too.

Just the way you phrased that make me think of what a weird spot I am in. I really don't enjoy having to interact with OW's boyfriend at all these days. He frankly depresses the hck out of me. I still get some "fix" from the phone. He either sounds like my H a little which is OK. Or, he is so clearly off his rocker with anger and self hatred that it just pushes me safely away.

I really am trying to be pleasant in a plan A sort of way, but almost all of our interactions are either kid related or D related. He did tell me yesterday that he has always trusted me 100% with regards to the kids (we were discussing the homeschooling situation), so that was nice to hear. But, for the most part, he has just lost his mind.

He really just acts like a three yesr old. He can be real cute and friendly until he doesn't get his way. Then he can throw a tantrum like nobody's business. As long as I play nicey nice, we get along fine.

OD had counseling yesterday, I sat in the session with her. The counselor said that OD is progressing very well and we can start backing off the sessions a little unless the circumstances change. Counselor said we seem to be a family very in touch with our feelings and gave me a few "good mommy" warm fuzzies.

The three of us (OD, couselor and I) talked about the potential for meeting OW. OD's issue is not so much an "anti-OW" one, but more of a "I don't want to meet any more transistional people" issue. So I will need to start mentally preparing for that event. I really was banking on OW staying married which would have delayed introductions for awhile. But since OWH has filed, I need to shift gears.

OD also said that one of the things that bugs her about WH is when he says "OD, it has been three months and I didn't drop dead or anything" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> She resents the implication that she should just get over it.

WH and I chatted briefly a couple of times, him calling me about Christmas gift. I did call him once in the AM (9AM) and he was still asleep! He is supposed to be at work at 7AM. Oh well, I am sure that his A enabling boss just loves the new and improved WH.

He has not mentioned our D papers at all or the upcoming court date and I did confirm that he has signed for the papers. Next week, I will gather all the financial figures for the attorney and the following week I guess we'll be in court. Happy New Year to me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Weird realization for the morning: I have only lied to my H one time in 15 years. I remember it because as soon as I said it, I knew it was my first lie and I was pretty bummed. It was a few years ago, during the separation, he asked me if I knew where our tax returns where and I said "No". That was a lie, because I was holding them in my hands making copies.

In 15 years, that is the only lie I have ever told that man.

That is another thing that bugs me now. I don't have a history of being decietful with him. OW and OWH have been deceitful with him (or WH is lying to me about what they have said). Why don't I have any credibility with him??

Freaking out and more exercises in futility:

I need to just hit myself with a sledge hammer sometimes if I really need to just feel bad.

I actually called WH today, and I told him I had been thinking about this honesty thing and that I did want to admit to and apologize for the ONE lie I have ever told him. He actually said "Well Jean, I appreciate that". I had to just let him go. I wanted to scream into the phone "You lying sack of pond scum!! You haven't told anyone the truth in a year, at least!!"

I cannot expect him to feel shame or guilt. I have got to stop trying to bait him into feeling any sort of remorse. I wanted him to break down and say he is not worthy of my apology and admit every lie he has ever told me.

Insanity - doing the same thing over and over and over and expecting different results - I am insane.