((((((((((((JEAN))))))))))))

You are going to be fine. Just tell yourself over and over that further communication between the two of you does NOTHING at this point.

I listen to this song everyday, see if you can find a copy:
Proud by Heather Small

What have you done today to make you feel proud?
It's never too late to try
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
You could be so many people
If you make that break for freedom
What have you done today to make you feel proud?

Still so many answers I don't know
Realise that to question is how we grow
So I step out of the ordinary
I can feel my soul ascending
I am on my way
Can't stop me now
And you can do the same

What have you done today to make you feel proud?
It's never too late to try
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
You could be so many people
If you make that break for freedom
What have you done today to make you feel proud?

We need a change
Do it today
I can feel my spirit rising
We need a change
So do it today
'Cause I can see a clear horizon

What have you done today to make you feel proud?
So what have you done today to make you feel proud?
'Cause you could be so many people
If you make that break for freedom
So what have you done today to make you feel proud?
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
What have you done today
You could be so many people?
Just make that break for freedom
So what have you done today to make you feel proud?

I look into the window of my mind
Reflections of the fears I know I've left behind
I step out of the ordinary
I can feel my soul ascending
I am on my way
Can't stop me now
And you can do the same

Wow, surprised myself tonight. I was looking through digital pics on the computer, came across some of WH and the kids, and got all misty eyed.

I can't talk to any people in real life about these feelings since they are threatening to have me committed if I continue my delusional pining for WH.

I was talking to my foster MIL (the closest thing WH has to a mom) and we were discussing one of her granddaughters and her really screwed up M. I realized that if I coud talk to this lady (granddaughter) and hear how she speaks warmly of her H, maybe I would see how crazy I sound for still loving my WH. MIL took the 5th when I asked her if I sound as crazy as granddaughter.

I think there is a sadness in realizing that if anything ever changed, I would not have the support of any family member with regards to reconciliation. When his family talks of our marriage, they just say they had high hopes that I would be able to straighten him out - I feel a little like the sacrificial virgin here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Tomorrow is going to be a long day. I bought fresh new pantyhose for court though (I never dress up so funerals and stuff always require an emergency pantyhose trip).

I wonder when this will start to feel OK? I know it will feel OK one day, but when does that start to kick in?

Just a little funny, I am pulling out my funeral/court clothes, making sure I know what I am going to wear. The black skirt that I had planned on wearing, well, the elastic in it had like, dry rotted. I am so glad I checked tonight. Turns out I had a much better lined skirt in the closet that I have never worn. (My mom gives me really nice hand me down clothes from her co-workers and I have no idea what I have in the closet since I never dress up-except for funerals and court!)

I really, really hate this <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I have been pretty freaked out about court tomorrow and have tried to reach the attorney this AM. After lunch, she calls and tells me WH has called her several times today wanting to settle on the temp support issue.

After their last conversation, she tells me to plan on being there for court, she and WH will not be able to agree, he got very nasty before she even mentioned dollar figures. He does not have an attorney at this time and she is not even sure that WH plans on showing up in court.

After my specifically asking, she said she can't imagine why I want to stay married to that man.

It is three hours before the end of business the day before court and now he thinks he should try to wheel and deal. It would be funny if it didn't make me a little sad for him.

jean,

I know the feeling you are having now, I had them before my court date as well. Its a a scary feeling.

I am having them again seeing how we have mediation on the 11 of Jan. I don't want to do it but have no choice.

You will be ok though , its not easy being on the opposite side of someone you love and have children with. Keep praying Jean God will help you through this. Thays the only thing thats kept me sane.....

Good Luck tomorrow...


Hurting

Thanks Hurting. I have had another lengthy conversation with attorney's asst regarding the financials. She did tell me that I seem to be being very reasonable, more so than most wives in my position. That made me feel good, I want to take the high road, I just don't know where it is.

She also said to not be surprised if WH shows up without an attorney and is granted a continuance. He may not show up at all though, he seems very irritated with the inconveinence of this process.


So I can add the attorney and her asst to my list of people that don't understand why I still have love for the jerk.

I am completely wired, I have been pacing all day. I asked my mom to just come over and watch the kids instead of going to court with me. That will make my morning easier, I won't have to get the kids up and dressed and to a babysitter.

And sadly, I still feel a little sorry for WH and I wish he would let me help him out of this mess. I even worried that he wouldn't have a suit to wear to court. I hate being so darn mushy. I wish he knew how much I hate this whole thing.

Jean-
Just let your attorney do the talking for you in court. No eye contact with WH, NO TALKING TO HIM, and DONT feel sorry for him. This is what the *WAYWARD* Husband wanted, right? Just remind yourself that YOU are giving HIM just a small TASTE of what he thinks he wants.

Do NOT be surprised if he shows up and totally makes an [censored] out himself at court. I've seen three differant men do this and the judge is right quick to set them straight.

Thanks mojo,

The asst said, "I know you want your Marriage, but don't let him see that tomorrow, don't let him break you down".

What a ride

Jean -

I"m catching up on your sitch. BIG HUGS COMING YOUR WAY. You can do this. You are going to be so strong tomorrow, I just know it. I am going to be thinking about you.

What is behind all of his nastiness??? Isn't this what he wanted? Is he in denial of sorts, especially without bothering to get a lawyer of his own?

Kim

I don't know Kim,
I didn't speak to him yesterday, honestly, I was really surprised when the lawyer said that he had called so many times today. He was very PO'd that they were not in the office yesterday, lawyer didn't seem too upset that WH was angry at her <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

He is just mad that I won't give him a divorce exactly the way he wants it. He honestly seems confused as to why I have not had my attorney write up and sign his offer. I don't think it ever crossed his mind that I would reject his offer. I guess that is why he hasn't secured an attorney as of three business hours prior to court - it just never crossed his mind that I would disagree with him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Tomorrow will be interesting, there are several possible scenarios. Worse case scenario is no alimony and then I sell the house and start over. That is OK by me, so I don't have the fear of what the judge guy will say.

I do wonder how OW is dealing with WH's mood swings right now. He quit smoking last week also, I am sure he is a joy to be around right now.

I have made a MD appt for Monday, I am going to see about some AD's for this upcoming battle.

Duh?? Like you should roll over & just agree to what he asks?

Oh my! He quit smoking? Wow. What caused him to do that? And I am very sure he is probably stressed with dealing with that & the court date coming up.

How are your kids doing?

Kim

On the smoking, who knows, he has sort of smoked on and off for 6 years. He quit 6 years ago, but the started back up when his GF and he broke up during our separation. (It always offended me that MY leaving didn't cause him to smoke, but GF's leaving did). So now he has quit again, he has been quitting/thinking about quitting since shortly after the A started. I guess OW doesn't like it. If he cuts off his ponytail for her, I'll know he is gone forever (she doesn't like the ponytail, he is quite pleased with it as his hairline is seriously receding, so he is making up for the lack of hair in the front by growing it in the back)

The girls are doing pretty darn good. They have become much more relaxed. YD never mentions WH and OD is not having the meltdowns like she used to. They are really starting to get into the rhythm of the visitation schedule.

All in all, its going pretty good. And that will change soon, for better or worse.

Hey Jean,

Just wanted to let you know that I will be praying for you tommorrow.

Thanks Pepsi, I'll need all the prayers I can get.

Funny how they do things for the OW that they would have never done for us. My WH started working out & tanning!!! He skin is very fair(he calls himself pasty white). In one of his love notes to her he told her that he was "getting a tan for her." Oh yea, he also has always had hair on his back. He started secretly using hair remover as well around this same time. I guess he didn't want to gross OW out with it.

Ok, that's enough for me of that talk. It's starting to make me sick.

Back to you Jean.

I can't say what WH has changed for OW (other than the smoking) just because I am really not around him that much. But during the previous separation, especially when we were sharing the house, it was very painful to watch him primping. He would get all dressed for a date, clean out the car with such care.

I wonder if they get tired of all that primping and back waxing and stuff they never did for their wives?

That is one reason why I am anxious for WH to cohabitate with OW. That puts and end to the honeymoon much faster. His last GF was so proud of herself when she "taught H to vacuum" (she didn't last too much longer after that) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Oh, Jean!! You gave me my laugh for the night! This just tickled my funny bone. It is just too sad and silly at the same time. Yep, having an OW is hard work. It took me a while to figure out what my kitchen ladle was doing in our bathroom. WH was using it to reach the areas with that hair remover on his back that his hand couldn't get to. Now picture that!!!! I'm laughing right now. So pitiful. Of course, I threw the ladle away. I even helped him one night rub that crap all over his back. How's that for a Plan A?

Jean, I hope you are able to get some rest tonight. Try to do something to take your mind off this. How did you sleep last night?

Kim

LOL about the ladle.

Actually, I sleep pretty good. But I wake up with thoughts of WH every day.

Monday-I wake up thinking "Poor WH needs and apartment and an attorney, how can help him out?"

Tuesday-I wake up thinking "Poor WH, does he have his suit to wear to court?"

Sometimes I think I am seriously ill. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

My sister says she can listen to me easier when I am sad vs when I am delusional about the character of my WH. If I think long enough, I can make everything my fault and I want to call and apologize to him. In fact, I have a few times, and the [censored] genuinely accepts my apology. Then I get mad all over again. Ahhh, the fog of the BS.

Nope, just your WH. And you have to let him fend for himself. HE put himself in this sitch. Not you. He is making these choices. He is creating the consequences for his actions.

How are we going to clear your fogged out BS brain??

I'm off to bed - Hugs to you Jean!

Kim

I know, I know.

Here is something he told my attorney today. He was mad about us asking him to pay lawyer fees. The attorney explained that the person who cause the breakdown of the marriage usually pays the legal fees. WH said "well did she tell you about her A". "Yes she did, and if you had divorced her, she probably would have had to pay the fees". WH replied, "well I tried to reconcile and you see where that got me!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Anyway, OD just brought YD to my room saying "YD is having nightmares so I thought she should sleep with you and I will stay in here too to keep her company".

So I better claim by sliver of bed before they get too comfortable!