Don't count on it Jean, I'm sure if his attorney is anything like my STBXWH's attorney, they will do everything legally to put off your STBXWH taken care of his responsibilities.

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Yea, he'll find a lawyer.....whether the lawyer is legit or not is yet t/b seen. Expect the WS to continue his 'stupid dance'. Make sure you are not in the way as he trips over his own feet. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

I won't bore anyone with all the silliness that has transpired this weekend. Same ole, same ole, BUT...

My OD just told me something that caused us to share a great laugh.

I have a really cool vacuum cleaner, I love this thing, I named it "Puppy Puppy", it just follows me around so nicely, doing whatever I command, I love this machine.

OD just told me that WH's nickname for OW is...

Puppy Puppy!!!

OD said when she meets OW, she will be sure to tell her she is named after mom's vacuum.

Oh, and this cinches their being no possibility for reconciliation. If he came home, I would have to destroy my vacuum, and I love my vacuum cleaner more than I love my WH <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Oh my Gosh Jean, that is so funny!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />



<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Lady

Mild to moderate funkiness level today. Court tomorrow, typical anxiety stuff. I am trying to stay busy, but I just don't have much gumption.

I did go to the MD and started AD's yesterday, so hopefully in a few weeks, I will start leveling out.

Wh did get a rat hole apt, the girls said they had to get down on their hands and knees and scrub "Just like Cinderella". So somehow, he came up with the money for the attorney and the apartment - big surprise, not really. He has been overheard saying "I will spend 11-29 in jail before I will pay for wife's attorney" (this is his 'principal' of the week). I don't get that, he wanted the D, I waited for months, I finally took matters into my own hands and now he is upset again, poor poor WH.

I struggle with the issues of respect and pity. I really pity WH right now, he is just digging himself such a hole. So it seems improbablye that I respected him in the past, if I can have such pity on him for a situation that is completely of his own making. I am not even questioning the battle in his mind of wife vs OW. It is all the other decisions he is making, his behavior with his children, his very destructive pride.

I slowed down posting, I was afraid WH may see this and I was concerned about things I had said. I doubt he will ever see this, but,

WH, if you are there: I do hope you know that I did so very much love the man you said you wanted to be. I was very proud to be your wife, very proud of our family. I do understand what you are going through, believe me, I do.

Hey, I might be doing much better, I can't even think of things to say to WH anymore.

No court tomorrow, moved back for another two weeks. They have agreed to pay the temp support I have asked for for January. Hopefully that is a good sign.

I am having a strange calmness, and Ark's stillness post was perfect for me today.

There is all kinds of divorce stuff going on, alot of lawyering up and stuff. WH refuses to speak to me and all communication is going through third parties. So I have been plan B'd. He has moved and refuses to give me his new address. I'll let the lawyers deal with that one. But I found it out in about 10 minutes of internet sleuthing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

On the thought process side... I am gaining empathy for my WH. I can see that he is at a major crossroad in his life. This is probably the biggest decision he has ever made. Everything else has just sort of fallen into his lap. So I can be calm and sit this out for awhile. If he turns towards his family, I will be pleased to walk into recovery with him. If he choses the wayward path, I will be pleased to have him gone from my life, as I don't need anyone whose pride can override morality.

I don't think he will come home, no one else does either. But, if he can combat this situation, he would be an amazing partner. If he cannot, then he is too weak for me anyway.

I am seriously considering withdrawing my petition for divorce. I would love some help processing these thoughts if anyone is up to giving me a hand.

What thoughts?

I don't want a divorce. I love my H, or at least my delusional thoughts of H.

Financially, a divorce is going to cause us to lose everything anyway, I am not afraid of that-it is inevitable.

I really think I need him to file. I do not want this to be something I did to him. I want him to be 100% responsible for the D.

I will alienate my friends and family if I withdraw my petition, it will just be me and my delusions.

This just doesn't feel right.

I will call attorney tomorrow and see where I will stand if I withdraw and he immediately files.

Jean -

I say go with your gut....If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. But wait to get feedback from your lawyer.

Are you thinking this though b/c you are missing communication with him? He has broken off all contact with you --

Kim

Well Jean I don't know what to say, but it is your decision. You can always stall it. But you paid money right, that your family gave you.

Do you think there is a chance for you and WH or is it you just don't want to be responsible for it?

Divorce never feels right Jean, it always feels terrible.

{{{{{Jean}}}}}}

Jean, did your WH already get a lawyer?

my post got lost , I think --

I wanted to ask what your thoughts would be for after you withdrew the D?

Would you just wait and see if he filed? or would you work to get the M back?

K

I think you should do whatever you want.

You should be ready and willing to accept 100% responsiblility for the decisions you make Jean.

Sounds like you are.

So do what you want here and live with fallout (good or bad).

Lem

Well, he already is "100% responsible" for the divorce, but if you want dead on semantics, then you should do what you "NEED".

I will surmise that your contentment and/or happiness won't change much with this, but you are certainly welcomed to try... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Lem

I will definately weigh out my options after speaking with the attorney tomorrow. I need to know where I will stand if he files against me.

He does have an attorney now, if he wants to file, it should be pretty quick as I have already done all the paperwork, his attorney has all the pertinent info.

Emotionally, I will be fine if he files. In fact, I would probably better off. As it is now, I will always wonder if we could have pulled out of this. If he files, I will have no doubts.

Maybe I am too confident that he will file. I am seriously trying to think of what I would do if he stays gone but refuses to file for a divorce. How long would I be willing to live like this.

But I don't want this divorce.

Eh, nevermind all the previous babble from today. The kids just got home and gave me the weekend report.

I think he is just too far gone <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

What happened? Are the children okay?

Lady

The girls are okay, just hearing all the events of the weekend are heartbreaking. OD asked her dad to let her call me, he refused. He was griping to the kids about the financial situation, showing the girls pictures of OW and either on the phone with her or asleep.

His best friend of 20+ years has also said he is done with WH. I cried when I heard that, he has lost so much. I still empathize with him, but ....