Thanks Ladysheep and Kim,

I have not spoken to WH since New Years Day. We are using a thrid party for the kid swaps, all this is per his command.

It is just exhausting.

I bet it is exhausting. As if the A wasn't enough he is trying to drag you down with all of this baloney.

((((Jean))))

We love ya!

Kim

This would be so much harder with small kids involved...you've supported me so much through the crap I've been living and just wanted you to know that I'm praying for you and your family...hang tough, I can feel that you are a strong person and you will be fine no matter what happens...{{jean}}

Thanks this_hurts, it is nice to see you around again.

I am back from court. We settled in the hallway prior to the hearing. We agreed on more than he was offering, but less than I was asking in the matter of temporary support. He is lying about his income which shocked me. I have talked to his boss and he will give me the paperwork to prove how much WH makes for the final hearing.

I am relieved that I am in better financial shape than I was yesterday. But I am mourning my H, the integrity and principals guy.

Jean....

Is it not amazing that even with the A we still hope there is some integrity left in the WS?

It is not surprising that there isn't........but we always hope.

Take care...

Daisy

I am just sad. Why?? I wanted WH to want to do right by the girls and I. But, now I have the comfort of knowing exactly what I am dealing with, it is heartbreaking but hopefully, there won't be anymore surprises. (That is probably delusional thinking also <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> )

I don't know why I am so offended by his lie - why am I surprised. But, I know what I need to do to prove his income, but he won't like it, it will be more exposure to his affair and the way he is trying to screw over his family.

I miss delusion guy (the man I made up that I thought I was married to), I am sad that delusion guy won't get to help me raise my kids. I hate that all we have left is [censored] guy.

jean

i'm sorry about what your H made your daughter do...that's just cruel to both of you.

in my opinion. his 24 hours free pass does not mean that your daughter should be denied the right to call her mom if she wants to....Did you ask your lawyer about this?

(((jean)))

Hi Jean,

I know it's not easy for you and the girls, but you watch, in a year or so it will be behind you.

I hope you will get the income thing situated, because you are intitled to support based on his "full" income.

Battle each issue at hand, one at a time.

It would be good for you to get court ordered permission for phone calls to and from your girls when they are with WH.

Huggs,
Lady

Yes, that was brought up in court today. The kids are to be allowed to call either parent.

My favorite part was when WH told the judge "We have an extensive history of working together for the children" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Heck, he refuses to take my calls or to let the kids call me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I would hate to see how he acted if we weren't "working together" so well ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

i'm glad the calls were worked out!

Nothing new here, I have felt pretty down the past 48 hours or so. I just can't imagine how I am going to have any type of relationship with WH at this point, I can't imagine how we are to effectively coparent after all this.

The kids will spend Fri and Sat night with WH and they were glad to hear that they will be allowed to call me. I won't be surprised if WH gives them a hard time about it, but hopefully he will realize that that will put him in contempt of the judges order.

My head and my heart are still not in sync with regards to the divorce. But now that I have a temp order of support, I can just lay low for a bit.

The kids and I went to the circus last night, my sister had a handful of free tickets that she shared with us. They had a great time and I was glad for the distraction.

I hope I perk up soon.

Hi Jean,

It's good to see you all got out to the circus. Hope you all had fun.

Divorce isn't easy, but afterward comes acceptance. You will know when acceptance kicks in and will be able to move on. It will be different. Alot of adjustments as you already know. But you and the girls will make it Jean.

It's easy to become depressed, so keeping busy is important. I hope you can find something to do this weekend while the girls are away. Is there someone you can spend the weekend with, friend or family member?

Huggs to you,
Lady

Jean,

I read this thread the other night and I was struck by tiyr strength and most of all, your excellent parenting skills. I was somewhat frustrated by your willingness to allow your STBXH to hurt you so much. But, as with all things that strike an accord in ourselves, it is bc I've allowed my WH to hurt me w/o putting sufficient boundaries in place.

You will be soo much better off, it's hard to see the forest for the trees sometimes. I too try to "save" my WH from himself, I can't seem to let him crash and burn.

I was concerned that perhaps you weren't seeing the reality of the situation. It's not any of my business, but here goes. I would advise you to put the girls in public school and find a job. You need to do things to help yourself and the girls and not rely on your STBXH to do this, especially as he proves to not do this well. The girls need to know that you are there for them emotionally, of course, but they also need the basics as well. I grew concerned when you were so accepting that you would lose your house. IMHO, it is better in the long run for the kids to have a stable home. It seems like you are a very caring and capable person. I sure that you can support the girls emotionally while working.

I hope this came out right, I don't mean any disrespect!

nabohio,

No disrespect taken at all! I appreciate your taking the time to respond to my situation.

School vs house, that is on my mind all the time. Honestly, the house is not worth what I owe on it, not to me anyway. I could sell this house and buy something I actually like.

As far as school, I would push for private school. I could afford my half of tuition if I worked full time. I intend to finish out this current school year at home, and I will decide what to do in the fall when I see how the rest of the divorce is going to go.

I mentally struggle with the reality that everything my H and I agreed on as far as parenting, seems to dissolve once he starts rutting around with someone. I am carefully looking at my position on the homeschooling and what would be best for the kids. I know that if it cost more to my WH, he will not support it at all.

I appreciate your kind words.

We sent our sons to private school up until High School. It was worth the financial sacrafice.

Well it may be difficult to buy a house until you have been at a job for awhile. I sold our house in NJ to move to Ohio, where we are originally from, to follow WH. My sons are much older than your D's, the youngest was starting HS when we moved last year. Moving here I think was more tramatic to all of them then not having their dad around. I thought I was doing the right thing to fight so hard for the M bc of keeping the family intact. Now I wonder if it would have been better in the long run to stay in the house that we lived in for 10 years, close to all of the familiar surroundings.

Any way you look at it, A's stink and so does D! Hope you have a good weekend!

Pretty good weekend. The kids were with WH Fri-Sun but he did let them call me both nights and that was good. For the kid swaps, we have been using Grandma as the go between. I have been leaving before WH gets there as my existence causes him great discomfort. He has told people (including our children) that he doesn't want to see my face.

Sunday, I decided to stick around grandmas waiting for the kids. There is no reason for me to waste gas or money runnig around killing time until he drops off the kids. I have nothing to be ashamed of and decided I should not be the one lurking around. So I was there when he dropped of the kids, he just let them off in the driveway and left once they were inside. Good, he should be the one uncomfortable.

The girls told me something amusing just now. They said WH is really funky, he said everyone wants him, the kids, the BS, the OW... he thinks he should go into the woods and just let the bears eat him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Poor, pitiful WH...

I am feeling pretty good. I do not dwell on what WH is thinking or doing anymore. For the longest time, I wondered how WH could just walk away so easily. I finally got it through my head that all he is thinking about is OW and how to get situated to spend his life with her.

I would love to see a crack in that relationship, but that is just for spite, I don't want WH back. It does pain me when the girls mention OW (they haven't met yet, but WH talks about her all the time). But I am pretty content not giving much of a rat's butt anymore.

I am becoming much more motivated. I found some Tae-Bo workout tapes at the thrift store and started working out with those. I am having major car trouble, but I will figure something out. The kids are doing very well, the adjustment is moving along nicely. They had a little set back when WH moved to his new apartment, another change they had to deal with, but they are getting in the groove now.

WH and I do not communicate at all, everything goes through a third party-at WH's request. Not dealing with him at all is nice. I could still sit and reflect on the past six months and get shocked and hurt all over again. I just try not to do that very often.

jean,

Sounds like your in a pretty good place now.

I am glad to hear the girls are doing better now.


I myself find this amusing..... So since everyone wants him , his answer is to let the bears eat him.... How whacked out is that? Foggggyyy for sure.... But whats bad is he said it to his girls, can you imagine being thier age and imagining your dad being eaten by bears. I am surprised it didn't scare them.....

Anyhow he is still whacked out but your moving ahead and sounding great. Keep it up .....


Hurting

Yeah, that bear thing was odd, but when the kids said that, I just tried to keep the mood light and jovial.

Last weekend, Grandma said that OD did not want to go with her dad. I have told OD that I will not make her go, but I will take her to the swap site and let her and her dad work it out. So anyway, OD didn't want to go and WH had to talk her into it. Grandma said that WH had teared up a little when he heard OD not wanting to be with him. She did end up going and having a decent time. I do hate to think of WH hurting about the reality that he has created, but there is nothing I can do to protect him from his choices.

I am sending toys and stuff of the girls with them to take to his apartment, trying to make it more comfortable for them. I have offered him some of the furniture, but he says very hatefully "I don't want anything out of that house", oh well!