I decided it would not be in my best interest to see WH right now, so I asked him to pick up the kids at Grandmas. He is obviously very PO'd at me from his refusal to even answer my text messages. So I am back to having Grandma handle the communications.

My stepfather saw WH Friday AM in OW's area. I believe that WH made it a point to be seen by stepfather. There was no reason for WH to go into stepfather's work other than to make sure I knew that he spent the night with OW. So I guess they worked out the little kink that I caused by my communication with her.

I am grateful that he is not fence sitting at all. There seems to be no crack at all in his wayward uniform.

I should get busy trying to get this divorce finalized. We have reached our waiting period, I have taken my parenting class. He needs to take his class and we need to try to reach an agreement for the dissolution agreement.

I keep waiting for him to do something to make the divorce process move along. I don't know if I wait because I am lazy, or if I still have hope or if I am just putting off the next battle to face.

The kids came home from WH's mad and crying. His visitation is not keeping the father/daughter realtionship intact, it is driving them further apart. They asked me how daddy can love the OW more than he loves them. He talks so nice to OW on the phone and just yells at them all the time <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I took them to my sisters house to talk to her. She is a counselor and their aunt. I was having a hard time listening to them, it makes me so very very angry. And I try not to react too strongly when they tell me crappy things he does.

I will take them to their counselor this week and try to enocurage and appt with their dad and the counselor. We will have to consider reducing the visitation if it continues to cause so much hurt for the children.

I understand lust, infatuation, love and mid-life crisis', but I don't understand becoming the father he has become to his children. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

The girls asked me to marry a man who won't forget them next time.

Jean......

I am so sorry! It must be so confusing for the girls. That is the problem with selfish people, they don't see the hurt they cause. He does not see how he is like night and day with the kids. They unfortunately see him all gugu in love with OW when in contact with her and then the 180 change when with them. They don't understand that he is a WH and WFather! They just see a dad that is being very very selfish.

I hope the counseling goes well for them....

Daisy

Maybe it's time they draw a few pictures or send him a letter to let him know their feelings.

L.

Thanks for the support Daisy and Orchid. This is the first time that 6yo DD has expressed so much anger. They are very angry at OW (due to the time he spends on the phone with her). They just sat here last night calling her all kinds of names. I don't encourage them at all, but I can't really defend OW at all. OD said if WH marries OW, he will have to shop for some new kids.

Their talk with my sister went well. My sister said that I am not making too much of this, that the girls do feel that their dad does not love them and that they have been replaced. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

But the rest of the night went OK. We have started a sundae on Sunday routine which the kids love. They watched a movie with mermaids and decided they both need tails. So I guess today we are off to the fabric store for mermaid material.

It is so odd being in this position of now thinking of how to protect the kids from their father's mental breakdown thingy. I have a counseling appt for them Tuesday, I need professional intervention. If the kids aren't ready to talk to him, maybe their therapist can talk to him alone.

I left him a voice mail asking if he is still open to attending counseling with the girls-of course, no response. So I talked to my attorney about a few key issues that need a answer soon. She will talk to his attorney about the issues and what mode of communication we can use.

I explained to the girls that I hear their concerns and the steps I have taken to address the problem. I do not want to get into a custody battle, but the visitation is doing so much damage at this point. If the counselor recommends it, I guess we will have to put further visits on hold until something changes in his brain.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

jean i am so sorry for you and your children....this is so confusing and so hard for us as adults...imagine how it is for them

((jean & kids))

Thanks Eav.

I just have to say that WH's ability to come up with crap on the fly, it is simply amazing. We have actually spoken tonight on the phone. He answered my tax question, he answered my house equity question (which I need in writing) and he stated he refuses to go to counseling with the girls. He believes they are fine and I am making all this up. So I will let their counselor come up with the game plan.

But here is my favorite part. Of course, me talking to OW is off limits. He said he is not sure what their future is at this point. I told him I am confused as to how they could cause 2 divorces, break up 4 kids' homes and still be unsure of their future. He said (gotta love this):

"Jean, I am a married man still, it would be immoral of me to be planning a future with her right now"


Whaaaaa!!! I couldn't help but laugh and reply "I don't get that it is moral to be bleeping her, but immoral to be planning a future with her" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

At that point, he suddenly recalled that he had to go, his battery was low.

Oddly enough, I realized last night, that is it not too late to save the marriage. Of course, the problem is that I don't think I want the marriage. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I do feel that WH is in a no win situation. Even if he wanted the M, I have forced him into a position where he can't come home. He kept talking about his dignity, why won't I let him have his affair with dignity. He was so accomdating of my A and I am not giving him the same respect.

As screwy as this all sounds, it gave me a very clear picture of where he is emotionally. I have pushed him into a corner that he doesn't know how to get out of.

OW is scared because I mailed her the letter. She freaked out when she realized that I know where she lives. I think that is amusing, she knows the most intimate details about my WH, and she resents that I know her address??

He also talked about how OW will never have a chance with the children since I have told the girls that I am not impressed with her husband stealing behavior. That is honestly all I have said to the girls about her-what else do I know about her?

I understand MB principles and I believe in them whole heartedly. I think there is a possibility that I am on the anti-MB plan to sabotage any chance of recovery. I like him being on that side of the fence. It makes my life easier, no choices to make. I can talk about planA, but just can't pull it off.

But I think I am getting healthier, realizing that I am doing stuff which is making a choice about my marriage. I have whined that all I wanted was a vote about my life. I think I am making choices by the way I interact with WH. I am making sure that he can't come home.

The counseling appt for the girls went well. They need to find a way to communicate with their dad. They did some role playing and we talked about some simple issues that they can fix without his input.

He will not respond to me at all. He pretty clearly stated that he will only interact with me if I am not making him angry. He let me know that I didn't make him mad for a little while, so he was happy to grace my front porch with his presence. Now that I have DJ'd him with my rant about OW and him at church togther, I will recieve the silent treatment for awhile.

I don't see where u r taking any anti-MB course. I see you not agreeing to allow the WS to manipulate you.

U rocked his A world and the scumbag doesn't like it. When you need, use some of us in your rebuttal to the Ws. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Let him know there are others who think his actions are stupid. He isn't scoring any good daddy or H points out there. The OW in our eyes is lower than dirt and has shamed her family by having an A with him and all the other men. Yea....tell him all the other men and let him go find out if there is any truth to that statement. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Nothing like throwing a wrench into the A....makes a BS smile. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

Pretty bummed today. My car broke down on the way to work. I called WH for advice, or a ride or some token of concern. Ehhhh, didn't happen.

This is the guy that will pull over to help strangers on the side of the road. I am not even given his most basic human kindness.

But I got it towed, got a ride home and have my patients covered at work. Please keep your fingers crossed that it is something I can afford to have fixed on the car.

I have never felt so badly about my H that I would have left him on the side of the road-never.

Jean -

Hi - hope your car troubles are not too serious. Will never understand the WS way of thinking. Selfishness like that is just uncomprehendable. I think about your girls a lot. And people say that an A does NOT effect the children IF the BS makes it a point to nurture the R. BULLCRAPPY. Just look at your girls as an example.

It burns me up. Please let them know that we all here at MB's love them and have them in our prayers. That angels are watching over them, millions of hugs enveloping them.

Jean - I am so glad you stirred things up.

Take care!

Kim

I did good with WH when he dropped off the kids. I apologized if I made him feel pressured today about me being broken down (not that he felt pressured at all). I told him I was just looking for a hand since I was on the side of the interstate. I had it all handled, so sorry for sounding dramatic.

(I did not say, you butt wipe that will pull over to help a stranger, but wouldn't even call me to see if I got towed OK)

We talked about some of the stuff I had written in the note, not the part I posted here, just business stuff. I did not LB at all. I extended some "brotherly love" offering him some furniture that I will have available soon.

I have typed out (mostly for fun) a list of compatibility questions for any prospective mate. I would love to ask WH to answer the questions, just to ensure that I don't want this WH in my life. It was kinda fun making the questions and thinking of what my priorities are in a light hearted way.

The kids are having the Sunday Sundae's. I even bought them special Sundae dishes, very chic <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I am taking an anti-anxiety pill on the days that I will have to interact with WH. Sad that is the case, but I am glad they are working. I have never taken an anti-anxiety medication before, I hate that he can do this to me. Putz!!

The girls were soooo much better last night. They said they had a really good weekend with their dad. They did talk to him a little about their feelings and he was able to reassure them. (Thank you God!) So I text messaged him telling him how great our evening was thanks to him showing the girls such a nice weekend.

He is still so very short and nasty to me on the phone, very irritating. But I am trying to be soooo kind, I just offer to call late when he is not so stressed.

I am trying to get my WH to cake eat! He has been so far on the other side of the fence for a long time. I personally, think he has to keep his distance since I am so irresistable <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Really, he stays away from me because I am the evidence of how foolish he is acting. Well, that and because I have this habit of busting his chops on his really assinine behavior.

Yesterday when we were talking about the car situation, he let me know he was too broke to help me at all. He can barely pay his electric bill and is thinking of moving again. His boss's brother rented him the apartment, so now his landlord thinks that WH is his personal asst, which is interfering with WH real job.

This info came out since I was offering WH some furniture, but he doesn't want it right now since he may be moving. He has no idea where he will go next.

Oh, and my mom went into OWH's dry cleaner's last week (where she has been doing business for 20 years). As they were writing up the ticket, mom asked if OW still worked there. They said yes, so mom picked up her clothes and left telling them she will not do business with a place that would keep someone like OW on the payroll. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Jean,
I hope your car gets fixed at a reasonable price. I know how you feel. When I was single, it was one of my worst stressors when the car broke....only because I couldn't "fix it". But I learned to do a tune-up and change the oil <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


I just love your mom! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Huggs to you and the girls.

yeah, my mom enjoys a good jab now and then.

The car may be completely kaput, but they won't know until they tear it apart. Timing belt, may have bent valves... Keep fingers crossed that there was no damage and they can just change the belt.

I may be losing my mind, or the meds are kicking in good <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> But I am in the best mood. The car problem is just money, I'll sell WH's TV to buy another car if I have to. I feel very empowered for some reason. Knowing that I have been making a choice about my life, by always pushing WH into the corner. I have so many options and he doesn't see any. I am going to try to cut him some slack so he can see that there are doors everywhere.

I still don't know if I would want him back, but I do want to fight to at least get the option.

I heard someone giving relationship advice, they said something like "treat your mate as if their entire feeling of self worth is dependant only on how you treat them". Of course, that is not true, but it does make me think of going above the call of duty to give everyone in my life more warm fuzzies.

Jean, I hope your car didn't go kaput!!

Our car went kaput 2 months ago, the aframe broke. We're still in the process of buying one, waiting for paperwork to be done.
It really hasn't been all that bad. I just hate to depend on others for rides. I have taken the bus, which I hadn't done in years, felt weird. A lot of walking, and in hindsight, it was a real blessing. I don't think I would have been as strong for the surgery I went through a week ago without the walking.

I think that's a good idea. Give it a good try. There still may be some hope there, once he see's there are better options like coming back to his family where he flipping belongs. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Yeah, me too.

Not much going on. The car will live to die another day. That is very good news.

WH and I had a little chat yesterday when he picked up the kids. The chat was about what level of chit chat he will accept from me. I am currently at bill collector status (as in who he wants to talk to), but I can aspire to reach grocery store clerk status. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

So I probably LBed, I calmly stated that I have had NC with him, I have been nice to him, I have been short and snippy with him, no matter what angle I take-he is still PO'd. So I appreciate his offer to one day be able to speak to me with the kindness he would afford a stranger, but IMO, his small talk was not worth me jumping through his hoops anymore. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I will not be nasty to him, only because it makes the kids uncomfortable. He is a complete whack job right now and I just don't have the gumption to.... well... to do anything regarding him.

Oh, and there was an interesting episode involving my Mom and the new dry cleaner she is trying out. Weird and funny, but more exposure done. WH actually needed my help to smooth out a situation that must have caused him to get his butt chewed out pretty well by one of his customers. And the rumor is that OW and OWXH's business is going down the tubes.