Jean,

Been thinking about you and welp, glad to hear OW is going down the tubes. Sad her H's business is going in the same direction. So the OW is willing to bring down her own H's business to further her A. What an Azz. See how this s/b considered 'bad association'?

The Ws is still a whack job, eh? Hm... See no matter what a BS does, the WS is not happy. So in reality, we (BS) are not responsbile for the WS' happiness. LOL!!! Duh!?!?!?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> More ammo for the reverse babble bag. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Nothing good comes from an A. So blow that back to the WS. Tell him with all this misery he'd better show you signs he is happy. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />


take care,
L.

Thanks for checking in Orchid.

Today, when he dropped off the girls, I was up to like..."guy you are sitting in a waiting room with" status WOO HOO, Go Me!!

The kids are good, they are having their Sunday Sundaes, then a nice warm bath and a leg massage (that is our Sunday routine-you should come over, we have sprinkles and whipped cream on our ice cream!)

But, if nothing else, the wayward brings me much amusement these days. I don't take much personally now, I just think "what an interesting specimen this man is".

The meds are working nicely <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hey Jean!

You are on a roll! So, what kind of sunday sundais are you guys having......what flavors.....hmmmmmmmmmmmmm <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Daisy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Moose Tracks and cookies and cream. Then the girls put on chocolate chips, sprinkles, caramel and chocolate sauce, then chocolate whipped cream (with a side order of Girl Scout Tagalongs, they got one each-I ate the last three by myself <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> )

Not a very interesting week in waywardville. WH did ask me to keep the kids Sat night so he and OW could go to a wedding. I mulled it over and posted a poll here on whether or not I should enable the hypocrisy. But while I was making up my mind, WH decided against going.

I have bothered him apparently with asking him questions regarding the kids and the house. I have either text messaged him or left a message about:

1. The leaky roof and the vent that appears to be the source of the problem.
2. A computer game he bought the kids that keeps crashing
3. A welding question - he is the only person I know that welds.

If I have a generic man question (ie car repair), always try to reach my brother in laws or some other guy. But I explained to WH that I do have him on my "phone a friend" list to deal with the stuff that he has so much knowledge about.

But he said he doesn't want to be my buddy. It will just take time before he can speak to me amicably. We still can't clearly establish what it is that I did to him that has caused him to be unable to speak to me with "cashier kindness".

I am again considering dropping the divorce petition, but I am also PMSing, so I won't do anything right now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I'm sorry again that I am not familiar with your situation. Are you doing Plan A?

I am in plan A, but I am probably not doing it right. My trouble is the DJ's, but they only occur when he does something affair related that is really assinine.

Hi Jean -

You keep chipping away at it girl! BTW, think I'm gonna start doing Sunday Night Sundaes too!! Will be something for DS to think about while he's with WH all day.

Hang in there!!

Kim

Dropping the divorce petition is still sounding like a decent idea. But I am going to give it till the end of the week (making sure it is not a hormone thing).

Tax day is Saturday. WH says that getting his tax info to the attorney is the hold up with the D. We are one month past our waiting period and WH has done nothing to get the divorce underway. So if he does not have the info to the attorney by the end of the week, that will indicate (to me anyway) his complete neglect of the situation.

What is the advantage to dropping the D? Financially, I would be able to sell some of the crap. I have three cars that need to go (none of which run). I have none of the advantages of being single, and I have this mandatory restraining order about moving assets (this is a county thing which WH cannot waive).

If I refile later, I think I would only be out the $137.50 filing fee. I need to check with the attorney to see if I still have any retainer left. I would just keep her on stand by for later.

Of course, if I drop the petition, WH will not be court ordered to pay the support he is paying. So that is tricky, trying to figure out what he would do. (I am assuming that the temp order of support would be void if the divorce petition is dropped).

I am not thinking real clearly about the divorce on an emotional level. I can't say whether I want to be married to H, I am waiting to see who this experience is going to turn him into. I do have this emotional need to have him divorce me, but that is my underlying martyr thing talking.

In your state, can you just have a legal separation agreement and not a divorce petition?

We can have a LS, I will ask the attorney if it is possible to drop the D and somehow convert all the info into a LS. I didn't go LS to start with because the cost was the same as the D. The D can just sit for a year, then they will toss it if nothing happens. I would just let it sit, except for this restraining order that prohibits selling stuff.

I talked to the attorney's asst. I can not even have a yard sale as long as the divorce is pending. But, she said, if I drop the D, I would have to split everything with WH.

I can't make any home improvements, I can't get any of this crap out of my house, I can't sell any of the clunkers in the yard, I can't date but I don't have a husband (to speak of)....

How about I drop the divorce and ask him to sign a post nuptial agreement. Of course, there is no advantage for him in doing that. I am just over the limbo barrel and it is none of his concern.

I'm a bit confused. Sorry. So this is true even if you decide to go the LS route at this point?

Actually, from what I have been reading, I can't sell anything even with a LS. My county has an automatic restraining order that goes into place with a D or LS filing.

I also found out there was no waiting period for a fault divorce. The waiting period only applies to irr. difference divorce.

But if I drop the D, can anyone make me give my H the yard sale money. If he was living here, no one could force me to give him yard sale earnings - right?

I talked to the attorney (the actual attorney, not her asst). If I drop the D, the temp order is thrown out. She can go ahead and move for setting a date to try to get something done. I can make a list of what I want to sell and WH can OK me to sell crap since we are both lawyered up. The signing off on the house equity is something else that needs to happen.

So with some work, I can work around the restrictions of having a pending divorce. If I drop the D, WH will not be obligated to pay anything and I would have to file a whole new something or other to get another order of support.

So bascially, WH can make marriage to him intolerable but can drag his feet and prevent me from getting a timely divorce.

Internal dialogue for this morning. (Juts talking to myself)

Do I want to be married to my H?
85-90% sure that I do want to be married to my H, if he ever resurfaces. 10-15% of me can definately see the advantages to not being married to H-even under the best of circumstances.

The problem is, when do I give up that H has been evaporated and permanently replaced by this guy? My history as a FWW makes it harder, because I have such strong proof that a FWS can be totally committed to the marriage.

What happens if I drop the divorce?
Financially, I would be just trusting that WH would continue the suuport. My gut says he would as he should know I could get another order lickety split. I would feel obligated to pay my older sister back the money that I borrowed for some of the attorney fees (quicker, like the next day).

Emotionally, who knows how he would perceive that action. I would feel good knowing that I wasn't persuing a divorce that I am not 100% on board with. I would feel better with regards to my children. One day they may understand that if we do end up divorced, it was because WH divorced me.

Legally, I don't know if it would affect my standing legally. I think it would just be more $$ to counterfile when he files. He may take awhile to file, he doesn't hurry about anything regarding me.

Limbo, I would just be a married woman with an absentee husband. I could do more as far as making plans without the restrictions the pending D has on me. And I do not think there is a 90 day waiting period for fault divorces. So, if he files, we would not have to wait another 3 months.

I would not get much emotional support from my family. So I feel the need to clearly defend my position. And I am not even sure I buy my arguement myself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

The logical thing to do is to demand the house equity waiver statement and written permission to sell specific items. If I can not get that in writing in a timely manner, I will drop the divorce.

If I drop the divorce and he stops paying the support, I will then be free to sell all his stuff to supplement the loss of income. His TV could buy me a decent car by itself!

I am really emotionally OK with being divorced from WH. I would prefer that he divorce me. That would be a clear indication that WH has more power and I will know who my husband plans on being when he grows up.

I feel like I should want the divorce, though. People are really frustrated with me and my inability to see this mess as a blessing. I never realized how few people really liked my H. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

What's most important is what you want..not to please others...

I've been so much happier since I started focusing on myself and not on what others wanted for me...

PLEASE YOURSELF, Jean....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Just wondering where that info came from? I was under the impression that if neither party pursues, eventually a judge will set a date on his own. I am curious because tomorrow will be 1 year since WH filed (I counter filed because he filed out of state and I needed to get it moved) and other than temp support order nothing else has been done.

I also thought about dropping my counter suit, but atty advised against it and told me it wasn't really necessary. We had a "status call" a few weeks ago and he simply told the judge that we were not interested in setting a trial date at this time. The judge is aware that the only reason I counter filed was to get the case moved back to TN. It is up to WH to move the case forward. I was under the impression that if WH doesn't do that, eventually the judge will just set a date himself.

If I recall correctly, they said after a year, someone will call and see if we want it thrown out or what. I was just looking that up today, but I couldn't find any specific details.

Just checking in, and using this space to document this leg of my life's journey.

Nothing going on, since WH's "I don't want to be your buddy" talk, I haven't much spoken to him. That was last Sunday, I left him one voice mail last week about me needing a sitter and giving him first right of refusal. He didn't call back, so I had someone else watch the kids. On Easter, I left him a voice mail regarding the girls, wanting to know if perhaps he was out and about and would like to meet us somewhere so the girls could show him their Easter dresses. He never returned that call.

I called maybe, Monday, he actually answered the phone, I had a WH specific question about a repair he had made to the car last year. I didn't chit chat, just thanked him for the answer politely and got off the phone. And this morning, the kids text messaged him that they miss him and are looking forward to this weekend (he didn't have them at all last weekend). He didn't respond.

Tax day came and went with not a peep from WH. So I filed married/seperately.

I sent my attorney a "post nuptial" kinda thing that I wrote. It spells out the grounds for any future divorce, the equity question, the possesion of all the stuff issue and the temporary support. If my attorney thinks it will hold up and I can get WH to sign it, I would consider dropping the divorce. I really want to drop the D for my emotional health. I still have this need to have him divorce me-to take some initiative in this process.

I just can't figure that out, the reasons for staying married to WH or even H for that matter, are pretty slim. But I have not been comfortable with the fact that I filed. I feel like I had to for the support issue. I don't know if this is my deep seated martyr issue, or not taking control of my own destiny, or valid hope, or some twisted moral high horse... I don't know why I have continued to consider withdrawing the petition.

If I met my WH today, I seriously doubt I would be interested in him. Even without the affair, he is a pretty irresponsible, narcissistic [censored]. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />