You're lovely, even in a rotten mood...

Was wondering how your YD's bday went...

LA

Thanks for asking LA. The cake was cute, everyone was dazzled by my yardwork, YD had a great time and got a ton of gifts that she still hasn't finished opening.

WH came to get the girls after the party. YD did not want to go with him, but OD did go. YD spent the night at her cousins and went to watch fireworks with them tonight. OD came home after I got off work and we went and bought some fireworks. We shot most of them off, and she wanted to wait for her sister to come home before we fired off the grand finale.

It was a little funny (in a nauseating kinda way). WH was at OW's house when I called to let him know the coast was clear and the party was over - he won't show his face around our extended family. So he drove 45 mins to get the kids. When they said they didn't want to go, I could tell WH was planning on heading back to OW's house. But OD did go, so his little romantic evening bombed, plus, he knows that YD doesn't really like spending time with him now.

Oh, I finally figured out how to NOT love WH. When he dropped off OD tonight, he had his hair down. He usually wears a ponytail (that is pretty new-his mid life crisis has to include a ponytail to disguise the fact that he is losing the hair on top!) With his hair down, he just looks kinda creepy-goofy. I had no pangs or yearnings at all seeing him like that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

U r one ambious woman! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Interesting when a BS moves forward, there's a lot of cleaning going on! What motivation. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

On the other side of the spectrum, the WS usually takes a dive into the dumpster (w/ the OP) and usually they look awful.

Makes one go....hmmmm..... also helps reinforce support that the BS is the one with the clear mind and calm heart. While the WS just has a crazed soul and 'bad hair'. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Btw, howz your grandma?

L.

Thanks for asking about Grandma, Orchid. I just got off the phone with her oddly enough. She seems to be doing well. I think one of her adult grandchildren will move in with her. Grandma asked me for a cutting of my rose bush once it goes dormant. So that made me feel good that she is planning on sticking around to plant a bush in the fall. (I believe that many times, older people have alot of say so in when they die. So I am glad that Grandma is still talking about the future).

I had a dream about WH last night. That always makes me a little disoriented when I wake up.

But I sat on the patio last night after fireworks, I listened to the crickets and frogs and looked at my home. I felt peaceful and hopeful and am really enjoying the work I have done to the house.

Nothing new on the wayward front. I guess I am in the 180/plan A mode. I have never been able to do a good plan A as he as avoided me to the best of his ability for the past 10 months. I realized that I have shifted into 180 mode, as I don't deal with him much at all except for kid swaps. And then, all he sees is all the work I have done to the house.

My WH observation is this: His mantra is "let's get this done so we can move on with our lives". In the past 10 months, he has quit smoking and then started again, changed jobs, he is in the middle of his 4th move, left his home and his marriage and his kids for the most part, found a new partner, dumped 99% of his social friendships, changed his wardrobe and grew his ponytail a few more inches. The only thing the same is his vehicle and his legal marital status, and he loves his vehicle. So if he still isn't happy - it must be because the divorce his not final. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

It must suck to be him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

On the more pertinent note, I have a orchard now! I have planted 3 apple trees and a nectarine tree. I have exceeded my plant budget (well, I didn't really have a plant budget, I have just spent way too much money) so I am now trading services for plants. Nothing kinky! I clean my mom's house and she digs up stuff for me. I think it is cool to have plants with a history. Mom has a bush that came from my dad's mom, in the fall I will plant some here and I will have the kid's greatgrandmother's bush in my yard.

YD has decided to go to school, so that will be weird. I'll be homeschooling OD and sending YD to school. I think it will work very well once we get used to the routine. And I can always pull YD out if she decides it is not for her. OD and I can do some volunteer work during the day and tailor our curriculum to her specifically. I may also be able to pull some extra shifts, it would be easier to find care for OD during the day so I can do some more on-call work.

The barrel is still empty. I did buy the connectors I need for it. The guy at the hardware store thought it was an excellant idea. I realized that I am not that weird and that WH must be the wacko. I got mad at him (in my head) for making me feel like all my thoughts were abnormal. Then I got mad at myself for letting anyone make me think that about myself.

So when it is new relationship time, I think new guy should check out my web site favorites, my book shelf and my folders of big plans. If he balks at any of it, he is outta here!

your posts just make me

schmile
schmile
schmile

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

ARK

Jean,

I love your moxie! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Btw, that 'new guy' needs to love your orchard, your kids & U 2! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Aloha,
L.

Thanks Orchid and Ark!!

Orchid, I am not worried about the guy loving me and the kids, we are irresistable! It is my brain 'thang' that boring people with no imagination find challenging.

I am tickled with my trees, $4.00 apeice for the apple trees. So for the price of 4-5 bags fo apples, one day, I will have a lifetime supply. I have three different varieties and had to do some quick study on that pollination thing to make sure my trees could get fertilized. That is so amazing to me that I planted some stuff and now some bees will help me make fruit. I am really digging this communing with nature thing!

YD acquired a guinea pig yesterday - a belated birthday present. When WH left, we had one cat. Now we have 5 fish, 2 birds, 2 cats, a guinea pig and we are getting a dog on Monday. The dog is a weimeraner that is a resue from a high kill shelter. We met her last week, her name is Lexy.

There is a plant sale that I need to avoid this weekend <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />. I borrowed a tiller and an edger from my siblings, hopefully that will keep me busy. I am working both days this weekend too, but I always manage to find time to dig a hole in the yard.

I am getting pretty comfortable and my bullsh*t tolerance is decreasing. That is good for me, but not so good for my marriage. My marital success depends greatly on my tolerance for assinine behavior.

Jean -

Wow! I had a lot to catch up with on you! I haven't been on the boards too much lately....trying to make myself get my act together & do more than hang out here all the time!!

I just want to say that you sound fantastic! You are an inspiration to me to get on with my life - I have enjoyed reading what you have been doing lately.

Sorry to hear about your Grandmother's step-son....That was awful.

Take Care!

Kim

Orchid: Wow, your family is growing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />



Orchid: Ha ha ha.... I don't have a green thumb but love to buy orchids...... there is a farmer's market where they sell orchids, fruits and vegies every Sunday morning just down the street from my house. It's fun to go there and shop. Then the big swap meet the next town over has more trees and plants for sale...... Oh I wish my yard was bigger and I had more time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


Orchid: Your M should NOT have to depend on tolerating any assinine behavior. I used to think that way also but when I learned to implement plan B, my tolerance level for stupidity went way down. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

Kim: Did you ever get your bedroom painted???

Orchid: Please tell me that was a typo about marriage should be about tolerance to assinine behavior. I don't want to be married to someone I have to tolerate, just someone I can .

Jean - YES!!! I finished by bedroom!! It looks great! I also moved out a huge chest of drawers that I had since College. It was in bad shape - sold it at my yard sale last weekend. I still have a dresser & that is sufficient for now. I want to put up curtains, add some decorative touches, etc. I need your help with the bargain shopping though!! You impress me with that -

Hey, also - how did you do the guitar cake for the birthday party? DS loves music & his birthday is in September.

Kim

OOPS!!!! Sorry. I went back and correct my post. BIG BLUNDER!!! ;eek:

L.

Kim, for the cake, I made 2 circle cakes and one rectangle. I made the "stem" thingy from the rectangle (I used 1/3 of it for the stem and then cut a wider piece for the place where the strings wind up) I am guitar illiterate-sorry. For the body, I cut a cresent moon shape from one circle and then butted them up together. Iced the thing with chocolate for the wood parts and colored icing for the body. I couldn't pull off the lightening bolt that YD wanted on the guitar, so I did that little paisley shape.

Long tootsie roll on the body for where the strings start, then small tootsie rolls on the stem end for where the strings wind. Marshmellows for the knobs to turn the strings. I made frets by just making lines in the stem icing and then white icing from a small tube for the strings.

Any normal person would have the pics developed by now so I could just show you. It ended up being about 2 1/2 feet long.

Yesterdays interaction with WH was a tad interesting. When he picked up the kids Saturday, he hung around for a half hour or so letting the kids show him the gardens and the guinea pig. Sunday, he was in a real big hurry to get them dropped off. Turns out he was rushing back so he could teach OW how to swim (isn't that precious).

So later, OD tells me that she is thinking of going to school too. She tells me all the advantages to being in school, and then says "But daddy told me not to tell you that he is encouraging me to go to school". Of course, that irritates me, not the school part, but the "don't tell mom" part. I have talked to him a few times about telling the kids stuff and telling them NOT to tell mom. I think that confuses the kids.

So I called him, very sweetly and asked him to chill on the "don't tell mom" stuff, again. He got real defensive and blah blah blah. He told OD that if she started school, she had to stick it out for a year. I feel I need to know about rules like that when he sets them. I asked if he and I could please try to coparent the kids, instead of letting the kids pass important messages like this. He said the kids said they wanted to be the ones to tell me. Then he said "I guess I'll just have to tell them that I am the father and I will speak to mom about this" (Yeah, you think??)

He also said that he doesn't like it when I use terms of endearment with him, so I told him I hear his preference but he is not the boss of me anymore, big old smoochie face. (Childish, I know, but I am tired of being the grown up all the time).

I was thinking later, how he is just not the man I married, but that is wrong. He is the man I married, but that guy was 22 years old and didn't have a plan. It is 15 years later, he has reverted back to his teen years.

So anyway, I will call the school board today, and see what is involved in having OD tested. She has some sensory intergration issues that concern me, but I won't try to stop her from trying it out. I can go to work full time and make 3X the spousal support that WH is offering. (I wonder if WH wants the kids in school to get out of paying the SS, maybe that is why the papers are taking so long).

We are picking up our dog today, and the guinea pig has settled in nicely. So as long as the dog doesn't start hunting the guinea pig, we should be OK.

The new dog (Lexie) is settling in nicely. The cats are a bit miffed and are camped out in the den. But the old cat and the kitten now have a common enemy, so they are bonding. The guinea pig seems oblivious, he's just glad the cats are staying in the den so they aren't staring at him all the time. The birds, well, small technical difficulty there. They were on a stand, the dog thinks they are verrry interesting, so now the birds are hanging from the ceiling. So they chirp alot, micking the dog that can't reach them now. Fish are fine, except the big dog bumped into their tank while he was barking at the birds. So an aquarium relocation may be in my future.

So that is the "farm" update.

On the wayward front, we had a pretty lengthy conversation yesterday. Basically, WH is broke and can't really afford to push the divorce because he knows the judge will hammer him and he will be paying more than he is now. He is not paying for the kids health insurance and he will have to start, and he can't afford anymore than he is doing now. So, if I want the divorce over with, I need to lower my standard of living (by selling the house) or generate more monthly income. (I thought his sudden interest in public schools was suspect). If both kids go to school, I can work more and lower his support obligation.

Troll Wh0re is not moving to Kentucky with him. He may very well end up very broke and very alone.

Random thoughts:

I would like to talk to OW. I won't, it doesn't work, I know that. But, dealing with your man's exwife is hard enough, I can't imagine having to deal with the exwife that is going to despise you for the long run. Why would anyone sign up for that?

And, if I plan A enough, improving myself and getting my act together, what if I become too appealing to myself . What if I become so great, I come to believe that I deserve better than a FWH. I do consider myself to be in plan A, still. But since I only get to plan A for...maybe 15 minutes a week, I figure the 6 months of plan Aing will take me well over a year. I am not doing anything wrong now (as far as LBing, DJing, AO's etc.). I am perky, upbeat, motivated and have my post divorce plans in place as far as finances and lifestyle. All that is happening is I am becoming less inclined to see any advantage to reconciliation.

The one thing that keeps my desire up, I know how much I loved H after I repented. I know how dedicated I was, I was a really good wife after I got my head out of my a$$. I know how I felt about my marriage and family and it would be glorious to have my H feel that way about me. But, I also know that he is not me, we are not following the same script as far as the affair, divorce, being a wayward goes. So he may never get to where I got.

But, my yard looks good <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I was at Lowe's yesterday, buying a new garden hose. They had another cart of flowers for $25. I didn't want to, but I bought it. It is really hot to be digging right now. But I got 105 plants, $416.00 worth(before tax) for $25. Several plants have multiples of them, so that will be good for grouping instead of just having one here and one there. I had a herb delivery coming tomorrow and I was pleased that I had my 6 little holes ready to go. Then I ended up the day with 105 more to dig!

WH was supposed to take the kids to dinner some time this week and bring me his support check that he forgot. He hasn't shown up, luckily I didn't tell the kids they had a date with dad this week. We were supposed to have a sit down talk about the kids and the school plan, like actual coparenting grown-ups. But, he is too busy to play grown up with me right now.

I got a letter from the credit bureau yesterday, some things I disputed have been deleted. That feels good, hopefully that will bump my FICO up a little more. I am on the cusp between good and very good, I would love to get over the hump and have a very good score before I try to put the mortgage in my name.

A sad thing, the kids have been playing with Barbies this week. I have overheard them several times, one Barbie is flirting with another barbie's husband. I hate that they know all about cheaters. But all in all, the kids seem to be doing pretty good. It has been a long, slow journey, but the girls seem to be adjusting to broken homelife.

Just had to beat your last record purchase, didn't ya? I was still adjusting to the reality of $380...now, $416?

You have to give me some time here...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You're having Herb delivered? To replace creepy WH in the recliner?

Sounds like your self-care is blooming...and really, I got nuthin' to contribute...

Could you tell?

LA