Hey Orchid! Yes, still out in the yard, I am now a composting junkie. I drive around looking for bagged leaves by the side of the road, and I steal them. My children are thrilled <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Still dealing with some major anxiety. But the weather is great here right now, so I can work in the yard. I stole 6 huge bags of leaves yesterday! (I actually got the OK from the owner of the house but it sounds more exciting to go prowling the neighborhood for bagged leaves).

I am mortgage shopping again, I will need to refi the house to get WH's name off of it. It is scary to make major decisions alone and that makes me mad at myself for being such a wimp.

On the Wayward front-not a thing is happening. OW and WH's boss have depositions next Tuesday. I can't believe WH is going to let that happen. He has new modified papers, just sign the darn things!

I decorated alot for Christmas, more than usual, did the front porch and hung wreaths, the tree is lovely.

Thant's all from me for now!

Depositions didn't happen. WH decided to settle with me, so he has signed the papers. His decision to settle happened about 10 minutes after OW was served with papers. Funny timing....

It saddens me to know how much power OW holds over WH, but it did work to my advantage this time.

Now we are only waiting for the judge to sign off on the divorce.

{{{Jean}}}

I know exactly how you feel about the other person having control over your husband. BUT like you said, it worked to your advantage, and at this point that's a very good thing! Congrats!

You sound good. Stay strong. Merry Christmas!

Milk

{{{Jean}}}

Merry Christmas to you.

Alph.

Thanks Milkshake and Alphin, Merry Christmas to both of you, too!

I am digusted and heartbroken right now. WH and I had actually been getting along very nicely since we settled the divorce stuff. So I asked if he would join us for Christmas morning. He said he would think about it. Even during the last seperation, we always watched the kids on Christmas morning together.

This year he has "other plans". Christmas used to be a really big deal to WH. He was a foster child growing up and he always wanted to make sure his kids had their big family Christmas.

So this week, OW has talked WH into a divorce settlement he says he can't afford and missing his children's Christmas.

Who is this man that doesn't even look like my husband anymore???

Jean, you and I are in the same place. Our stories are similiar to I had a 3 ONS over 3 years ago then wife found out I came clean and started on plan a.. then wife went wayward but the worse and nasty ways possible. I am not only dealing with an OM but a MIl that is codependent and enabler.

WW is allowing her life to spiral out of control so she can claim victim status and continue to get sympathy from MIL and OM... but really no one else because everyone else knows the real story and are enablers or victimizer's.

anyways don't live your life through the alien and remember santa only deliver's presents to human's and coal to alien's

May all your future communications with the WS, lay on the guilt, big time. Btw, make sure the OW gets her share also. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

WS' are wieners. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

L.

Well, I am making it through our first Christmas without WH. I built the trampoline by myself, stuffed the stockings, trimmed the stump on the real tree by myself...

The kids are having fun and there has been no mention of daddy at all.

Hugz 2 u and your family. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I am constantly amazed at what you can accomplish. U R one resourceful woman.

So here's my wish: May the WS and OW soon step in..... poop. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

Thanks Orchid,
We made it throught Christmas and they never even mentioned Daddy. I am not sure whether to be sad or glad about that. I realized, at one point in the day, the only evidence that WH was missing was the lack of noise coming from the Xbox. Sad, but that is the only thing that WH contributed to the holidays.

I got myself a cool present. A huge truckload of free woodchips! The tree trimmers were out clearing away the trees from the electric lines. I asked and they dumped a truckload of shredded ships in my back yard. Free mulch for next spring!! It is so cool to see the pile steaming, it is composting without any help from me at all. And the kids love running up the hill, playing in it. They took a play sword up there and played Excalibur. Too funny!

In exactly three weeks, I will be divorced. You know, I never really thought it would happen. I really thought something would work out. It is funny to me how long I have been in denial.

21 days, I need to think of something good I can do for myself for each of those days. I am going to buy myself a pair of sexy boots when the divorce is final. No thigh highs or anything, just something to wear besides tennis shoes all the time. I'm also thinking of having that Lasix done on my eyes after I get the house refi'd.

21 days...

Happy New Year Jean!

Milk

15 days until the divorce...

YD has decided to return to homeschooling. I talked to WH about it, he's not happy with the idea. But I withdrew her from school anyway. My family is a homeschooling family and this just feels right. She was worried about Dad giving her a hard time for quitting , but he never even asked about school this weekend-so he doesn't know that she has quit.

I think I love(d) WH more than I love myself. I need to fix that. When he sounds so miserable, I want to rush in a save him. But I am pretty sure I could never feel safe with WH again. Too much damage has happened in the past year.

15 more days of wedded bliss...

11 days...

I am fighting the urge to write something to WH, some sort of final thoughts. He wouldn't care and honestly, I care less what he thinks about me anymore.

I had a dream about WH the other night, I woke up feeling some closure. I don't recall much of the dream, but I felt better the next day.

I told the kids that WH wasn't getting them weekend and they cheered, that broke my heart. He is becoming a more distant memory to me and it seems that the girls are growing away from him at a very alarming pace.

Very sad for everyone involved.

{{{{{Jean}}}}}}

You have girls who love and need you. It's sad how things have turned out and I completely understand how you feel about writing a letter.

You have never been in Plan B, right? I don't see anything wrong in writing the letter. Your WH may not read it or the letter does not impact him one way or the other, but I'm sure that's not the goal for this letter. I think you just want to spell your thoughts out. If that will make you feel better and give you a better sense of closure, I would say write the letter.

Milk

8 days left...

I think I am hoping that when the divorce is actually final, something big in my feelings will change. Logically, that doesn't make sense, but emotionally, I feel like it will change something.

I submitted my application to refi the house in my name only, keep your fingers crossed. That would feel very grown up of me to have my OWN house. LOL.

I am seeing someone, but I just don't have alot to give a relationship at this point. He is pretty tolerant, but I think I am wearing on his nerves with my mourning of the marriage. Guess I should have waited longer. But WH has been gone for well over a year, it seems I should be able to move on. I just still have so much anxiety and shock and disbelief about the whole thing.

Hey Jean.

The final countdown, huh? I think I was grateful not to know... I just got a letter in the post one day from my atty which inlcuded my final decree. I had no idea when it was coming.

Dating - urgh! I jumped in too soon, too. Now I feel like I'd be happy to pledge myself to celibacy forever. I am happy living alone, and my heart is truly cold when it comes to men. Only room for my girls and immediate family now.

{{{Jean}}}

Alph.

Thanks Milkshake and Alphin for checking in on me. I need to start thinking about the difference between Marital Recovery and Personal Recovery. I need to feel that I am worth the recovery effort. I think I felt I was defined by my family, so it's collapse mirrors me.

Jean,
I never posted to you before. I am also going thru a divorce. I also want to pur out my heart in a letter to my WH. Still working on that inmy head.
But i read this in the book when he leaves, the author had it mailed to her Ex
to arrive on the day of thier D. It reaads

To the memory of a love that began one snowy Christmas;
To a marriage that saw a young man's dreams of family and college degree come true.
To amarriage that saw a beautiful baby daughter born to a young woman who wanted nothing more than be a loving wife and mother.
To the memory of what could of been, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, "forsaking all others, til death do us part".
May you now find whatever it is (or whoever) really makes you happy. I do wish you well.

I plan on copying and rewording with our history to give to him when this is all final. Will it mean anything, I don't know but I will put it away with my wedding album for my kids.

SH01