Jean, to a certain extent, I felt the same way. I felt one of the things defined me was my family, so I took the failure of it REALLY hard.

But we all know that it's not true. I have gotten impression that you are a very independent, strong and attractive woman. It's really sad that your WH decided to throw away everything you two had built together but that's frankly not your failure but his.

SH01, thanks for posting the poem. It really touched my heart. If I get the urge to write a letter to mine when D will be finalized (maybe by this spring?) as well, I may follow the similar style too.

Milk

Thanks Milk and SH01.

I have been approved for my refi - I guess that makes me a bona fide grown up!

On a bad note, my sister has confessed to a ONS and I am just ....livid, digusted, hurt,... My sister is an OW, how do I deal with that???

{{{Jean}}}

It must be hard to see your family member turning into a WS... You so clearly know how much pain it inflicts on your BIL..., well it's not just about your sister and her husband...., the reality is that it involves EVERYONE in the family AND close friends. Your sister obviously does not see it that way.

Did you speak to her about this and possibly to her husband?

Any chance she will come to post on MB?

Alph.

Thanks Alphin and Milkshake.

I will mention MB to both my sister and BIL. She slept with her best friend's husband! And she has called him since to see how they are doing! The best friend doesn't know, she's pregnant and no one wants to upset her. I just feel so bad for my BIL. I also feel a tad bad for my sister, if she tells best friend, it is going to be ugly. My sister has not dealt with much confrontation in her life.

I am just so angry, I don't have much to say to her. I feel like if her husband can get past it, I should be able to, too. But I just don't like her very much right now.

Tomorrow is divorce day.

I have talked to my sister a little. I just don't have anything nice to say, so I don't say much at all.

i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers jean

Thanks eav, that means alot to me.

{{{Jean}}}

((Milkshake and Eav))

Thank ladies, I'm divorced now. He feels nothing for me, it is so obvious. So time to move on to the next phase.

Been thinking about you a lot today, Jean.

How are you doing?

Alph.

I cried during court and for about two hours after that. Then I planted some seeds.

I am wasting tears on someone who feels nothing for me. I am pretty sure he was text messaging while we were in the hall waiting for our turn, he couldn't even respect what was happening.

I wonder if I should let him know out of kindness, that I intend to drop him from the auto insurance, as is my right now. Or should I just let him figure it out when he gets busted for driving uninsured.

Right now, I feel like he is not worth the salt in my tears (as the song says) and I need to start the celebration of my new possibilities.

So between crying and thinking of baking a cake, I am having a pretty roller-coastery day!

{{{{{Jean}}}}}

I can only imagine how you must have felt during court - and I will soon be experiencing it myself.

You could be right, that your XWH could not care less about the court and everything right now, but I am very sure that sadness will attack him at some point in the future. I don't think he is living in a realistic world right now, so it does not seem a big deal to him. But wait and see....., he will face the reality.

But that's his problem now. Keep your head high, and as you said, don't waste your energy and tears on him! My IC told me the same thing. Use your energy and emotions and love for your kids, family and friends who have supported you through this. They are the ones who deserve your love tears. Not xWH. Let him suffer later on in his life because of his choice.

As for the insurance, you can simply drop him a line saying that you are taking his name out. No kind words needed.....

Stay strong Jean. Thinking of you.

Milk

Thanks Milk, there is a part of me that hopes he never "come to". He is pretty happy in his semi-coma, and I want him to be happy.

You are a very sweet and strong person, Jean.

Milk

Huggs to you and the girls Jean.

Sent with Love,
Lady

You are amazing. What a selfless, compassionate attitude. We Bs's could all learn a lot from you.

One day I hope to be able to wish Noddy well - but I can't just yet. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

{{{Jean}}}

Alph.

Well, I have been divorced for a week now. Still in love with my husband and strangely enough, still carry around hope of reconciliation.

I really need to figure out why this is OK with me. He really wasn't a great husband, what is so important to me about that word-HUSBAND. I guess I can still have love for him and move on with my life, maybe that is how it should be, me loving him enough to want him happy.

I had to talk to him briefly about Girl Scout cookies last night, and there was just a pause...and awkward moment where neither of us hung up the phone. But I know not to push anything, in real life or in my mind.

I am really trying to turn it over to my Higher Power and trying to stay out of His way. I think I have been trying too hard to maintain some control over my life and it has done nothing but wear me out.

I need to focus on my home, my gardens and my children. I need to look after my health better and I need to make my peice of the planet as beautiful and peaceful as possible.

Jean,
there is legal divorce & then there's emotional divorce.

even when I had filed for divorce, I was still emotionally connected to FWH. funny thing...he was too!

and I'll bet your WH is too! he just can't admit it.

but in the meantime, keep up your awesome PLAN: JEAN'S NEW LIFE.

hugs,
cgw

Thanks cgw,

It is weird to have this feeling of hope. Perhaps I should believe that this hope is not about WH and I, but just me and what life has in store for me. I would be proud to have my FWH back, if he ever earns his F. But I am sure there is something really neat about to happen, I might learn more about me.