I know how hard that was Kim. While you can't forget what you said that "This is time for me", I have a feeling you'll be seeing more of your H and less of your WH soon.

Keep up the good work!

{{{{{{kim}}}}}}}

Mel - I do so look forward to not being around the daily drama anymore. Maybe I can get rid of some of the stressed appearance on my face!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Stop for your encouragement and kind words. I wn't get too hopeful at this point. His hurting words still ring too loudly in my ears.

I hope you are doing o.k. too. {{{{Stop}}}}

Kim

I'm in the Atlanta area too. Is the alien mothership hovering over the city or what????

OOOHHH!!! North, South, East or West???

Kim

Your WH leaving is a very positive sign that somewhere, deep inside him, there exists the man you married who realized what a pri** he was being ... the good part of him agreed to leave. Can you see that? The part of him that did not want to shove his affair right in your face briefly took ahold of his feet and moved him out the door.

THAT good guy won't be there much ... the~other~ stupid guy you will see MORE OF when your WH begins to miss you ... be prepared for the jerk-o to return ... but also be mindful of the real man hidden somewhere beneath the madness.

Wait for that one, the real man ... and never accept the jerk-o back in his place.

PS

You did GREAT!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Here's a little Orchid-esque double speak that may be useful fairly soon...

WH: "I want to come home." (still unwilling to commit but says he wants to 'try')

YOU: "Can I speak to my real husband please? You know, the one who loves me and protects me from harm? I only want to speak to him, no one else."

TRANSLATION: ---> "I want to try" ..... means I want to try more cake and fence-sitting.

Wait for: ---> " I am willing to do this. I have made my decision."

YES. YES. YES!!!!!

(edited to add exclamations!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> )

Kim, have you been reading Gramm's thread? His situation demonstrates the typical reaction we see from a WS when the BS starts taking back control of his own life and goes into Plan B. Please note that his WW is furious about it and is using very persuasive, manipulative language to bring him back in line. Such as: "it is bad for our DD to see you not talking to me!!" [no mention of the fact that adultery and divorce are what is bad for her!] You can expect your H to do the same thing.

But I think he will do more. I expect that he will make empty promises about "cutting down on contact," "we were going to end the affair anyway," "the only time she contacted me was when YOU called the OWH," blah, blah, blah.

The point is that he will feel extreme discomfort when he doesn't have you to meet his needs and will do or say anything to keep the status quo in place. He will resist giving up his two women at every step.

The key is to be prepared and to do everything to demonstrate to him that you mean business. That means not taking his calls, not allowing him the house, making sure that he understands you mean business. This is SO important and I will tell you why: Plan B is the only leverage you have, Kim. When you relent and allow him to break your Plan B, you lose that leverage. You ruin your credibility. Sure, there are folks who break Plan B, but when they do, their leverage is diminished in direct proportion to their credibility and the WS no longer takes you seriously.

So, please be prepared - when you go into Plan B - to correctly react to his attempts to break Plan B. Be prepared to not answer the phone. Be prepared to confront him if he comes to the house and tell him that you "need this seperation and expect him to respect your request for no contact." Then shut the door. If he continues, then get the locks changed.

Kim...North...OTP...Gwinnett/Fulton/Forsyth area.

Yeppers...I am north too!!!live on border of fulton/forsyth...and darth lives about 3 min. from me in a townhome (so he can passively attempt stupid control stuff)while he's building his dream home number 2 on lanier.

It would seem that the mothership is definitely here in atl...and is hovering a bit north!

It's the whole hotlanta attitude. People move here...nobody I know is from here. And the boys who seem to find trappings of success find some transplant tramps along the way here as well. I have been saying for a looooong while here on MB that Atlanta is one WICKED city. Like a little southern version of vegas or something. Just think...we could have run into each other at kroger's or something...lol!

I say it's time for a girls' summit...maybe J. Christophers for brunch? It's a great place for a meeting of the minds...and I have a little boy kim who's almost the same age as yours.

Atlanta is sooooo superficial isn't it? More plastic running around here than at a barbie doll factory. I think we gotta be running close to LA with the superficial stuff and in a tight race w/vegas for the immoral stuff.

Am recovering from a board exam today...and tonight. Didn't go out w/the girls. I felt like staying home...catching up on sleep. Went running. And am here checking emails...hoping for a few cute hits on my new account...hey, I am a single girl ok? And listening to my new downloads on ipod with the little ipod speaker system. Listening right now to inxs greatest hits...soooo good.

I think the perfect song for atlants is an inxs song..."Devil Inside".

I aggree, I have lived North of Atlanta since 1969 and you are right. ATL is bad news and wicked. Lots o plastic just like you said.

I changed my mind...I think the ultimate gold digger/WS song on inxs is their new one...Pretty Vegas. Could be either written for an OW or OP or for a very very WH...or WW.

At least this is a song that can help you let the WS out the door...so he can find out it ain't pretty...when the fantasy is over. thought I'd google the lyrics over to my new neighbor here...

Pretty Vegas--yea, it's the new one by inxs!

Fallin’ asleep at the wheel again baby,
You’re driftin’ over the line.
You’re hands are tied, but you’re losin’ grip quickly
Fix me,
can you read the sign…?

Thumbin’ your way to Vegas, dirty
Dreamin’ of the other side…
Save your tears and laughter because
It doesn’t matter what you find

It ain’t pretty
After the show…
It ain’t pretty when the pretty leaves you
With no place to go.

So, if you think you need it,
Here’s the place to feed it…
It ain’t pretty.

When, everything that you do is wrong,
And you
Feel like you can barely survive…
When those around you
Are crumblin’ downwards
Buried in the sunset of life.

Thumbin’ your way to Vegas, dirty
And screamin’ like a b from h*ll,

Save your dreams
Up your patience
Doesn’t matter what you sell…

It ain’t pretty
After the show
It ain’t pretty when the pretty leaves you
With no place to go…

So, if you think you want it…
Here’s the place to get it,
It ain’t pretty

Yeah, yeah, yeah

It ain’t pretty…

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Thumbin’ your way to Vegas, dirty
Dreamin’ like you’re out of control,
Save your tears and laughter
Because this is the ride…
And this is the show…

It ain’t pretty
After the show…
It ain’t pretty when the pretty leaves you
With no place to go

So, if you think you want it
Just come in and get it

It ain’t pretty

the party's over...

Hey to "All Ya'll" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I'm sad to hear all the bad stuff about Atlanta...I've been gone for almost 10 years now, and I miss it sooo...much...but, my A did happen in Atlanta (South) with an EX boyfriend (UGH!), so maybe all of you are right??? We are planning to move to Canton (VERY NORTH OF FOM) in the spring, and I still say that it's gotta be better than Michigan (sorry to any Michiganders reading this, but "you can take the girl out of the South"...yada, yada, yada...) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Anyway, the reason for my post is to say that Mr. Wondering and I will be in town with our DD5(6 in November <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />) from Wed. Oct. 26-Tue Nov. 1, and if ya'll are going to have a "get together", we'd love to be included...the marriage builder's community is so wonderful, and we'd love to get to meet some of you in person... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Please keep us "posted"...

Mrs. Wondering

P.S. We Native Atlantans(such a rare breed are we) really do need to stand up to Melody on the [color:"red"]COKE[/color]/[color:"yellow"]pepsi[/color] issue...as if anyone would actually choose that off-brand soft drink...PUHLEEZE!!! Tee Hee Hee!!! LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Mr & Mrs W -

Hey, what are ya, scared of a little SNOW????????????

NTL

Pep



I will wait for him. I can't accept back a man that is married AND has a girlfriend. How ridiculous is that??? I thought about that today & thought what sane person would think they could live in the same house with someone who they are married to PLUS cheat on them at the same time???

It is crazy.

I love him. But I now have some pretty high standards.

Kim

Pep -



I like that too. Until I hear the word "commit" I will not take him back. I already went through the "I'll try" with NC. I learned that didn't work at all.

Kim

Mel-



I have not yet, but will find it.




O.k. - but right now I am feeling a bit scared of Plan B. I don't know why. I have been thinking about it for such a long time. I know. I have already lost him. What more could I lose.

I haven't even called to speak to my friends about them mediating. I called on Friday, left a message for them to call.

I truly don't know if WH is going to come out of this FOG. I know that no one knows the outcome. He hasn't tried to call me all day so NC might be pretty darn easy.

He called yesterday to come by the house for checks - he ran out. I didn't answer any of his calls so he just showed up.

He is more concerned about finances than recovering me or his son. I posted another thread about that.

Kim

Do you understand Plan B, Kim?

I don't think you do if you say "what more can I lose?" The purpose of plan B is not to LOSE your marriage, but to prevent that from happening. You are now losing your marriage to an affair. The point is to stop that loss.

Have you protected your money so he can't plunder or run up your credit cards?