Stop & Peachy -





I am North East - Gwinnett County.

Kim

p.s. EVERYONE is scared of Plan B. It goes against all our instincts. But your instincts are wrong on this, believe me.

Mel -

I don't know. Plan B is for me & for me to get him back???? I guess if Plan B doesn't work though, then I am saying I have nothing to lose b/c at this point I really don't think he's coming back.

Maybe I am just freaking out right now. My sister was up yesterday with her boy & we kept pretty busy. She left today so it is just me and DS.

I keep thinking about what STOP posted about when couples separate then they hardly get back together.

Kim

& NO. WH does not have access to any of my funds. Even CC.

Kim

ok, lets look at this realistically. What are your choices? You can continue on the way you were with your WS eating cake and rubbing his affair in your nose every day. And the longer the affair is allowed to go on this way, the longer it will last. Your likelihood of divorce goes way up this way, while your nerves and your sanity are pushed to the brink every day watching his affair and listening to his lies in a front row seat.

THAT scenario is what you should be freaking out about.

Here is the purpose of Plan B. See, an OP usually meets 1-2 needs of the WS. A BS meets 3-4. If both are meeting his needs at the same time, he will never realize this and thusly never have to choose. He can go on forever like this having 2 women meet his needs. Only a crazy man would give that up volunarily.

Plan B, hopefully, enables the WS to realize that the OP cannot possibly meet all of his needs, which is ruinous to the affair. When the BS is no longer around to meet his needs, the affair quickly crumbles, which helps the WS see how unworkable the affair really was. This, hopefully, will pull the WS off the fence and back to the BS.

This is how Plan B is supposed to work.

There is a second HUGE BENEFIT in that it protects the BS from the daily pain of watching the affair, which causes the BS to fall out of love with the WS. It allows the BS to withdraw from the WS so that the BS can make rational decisions about the future of the marriage.

But Kim, please don't think it is easy to go into Plan B. It is not. Most people are scared to do it at first. But once they get into it, they feel much better and often start feeling more peaceful than they have in months.

But, as far as your marriage goes, you have been in Plan A long enough. Staying in Plan A too long is just as bad as not going into any plan at all. It is time to go into Plan B and move into the next phase.

Thanks Mel. I really needed to see that post. I am having those last day jitters.

I went out & bought a new outfit (THAT FITS ME.....I HATE SHOPPING LATELY B/C EVERYTHING IS TOO BIG - WAS GETTING PRETTY DEPRESSED). So I will look nice tomorrow when I see WH.

My birthday is on Thursday. I think DS & I will go out to eat!

Logging off for now - gotta spend some time with DS!!

Kim

The greatest relief was after I filed for D, and there was a mutual restraining order(NOT a PPO) attached to the divorce petition. An order that we mutually needed to not harass each other in any way. He finally started leaving me completely alone, not wanting to violate the order - and you know what? I had no idea that my "peace of mind" was being disturbed so much until he stopped!!! It was blessed peace not to get hostile emails about bills, utilities, the kids, and money while I was at work, midnight phone calls wanting to "talk" and turning into me listening over and over to him CHOOSE her...

Give Plan B a chance if it's time.

NTL -

So it went all the way to Divorce being filed before your WH woke up???? Oh, man......

Thanks for sharing w/me.....opens my eyes even more.

Kim

Update here.....

I realized today that I have not e-mailed OWH to let him know about the move out. I also have failed to contact my friends to see if they will mediate between WH and myself. I think I have been in a bit of a shock over the past couple of days and have just dropped the ball a bit.


So, I don't know if I will be prepared to give the Plan B letter to WH tomorrow night. I have it all written out. I just haven't talked to our friends yet.

My sister was here over the weekend, so that kept me quite distracted(a good thing.)

WH called tonight to see what time he should be here in the AM to "pick up" DS. They will probably spend most of the day at home.

Could have been wishful thinking, but WH sounded really down. Maybe he just wasn't thrilled to be calling me....I asked him how he was & he said "o.k." He asked me how I was & I repeated "o.k." as well.

He talked to DS for a bit and then we spoke again.

I told him we missed him & he said that he missed us too. I told him that we missed him A Lot.

We do. I wanted him to know that. Whether it's needy or not.

Kimberly

** bumping**

Kim, I think I missed the question but I did see some excuses. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />