Stung...TAKE ALL JOINTLY HELD MONIES! I am a CPA and you can legally take EVERYTHING...now don;t spend it though. If he goes forward with D then he gets 50% of ALL ASSETS, house equity et.al. But taking all of his play money puts him on notice...protect yourself...

Thanks so much for responding, Mr. W. Can you answer a couple of questions?

Does it make a difference if it is a "margin" account (whatever that is)?

I will do this, while he is away. Thanks.

He apparently signed our joint tax return on my behalf and then tucked it away - I found it on one of my snoopathons --wouldn't that show all of our financial assets?

Melody - Yes, they do work together, but WH claims they have only limited work related C, he comes home right after work, and there is no evidence of C on his cell (other than occasional "private" calls, but that could be anyone). Should I continue exposing even if there is no evidence of an ongoing A?

SMOMY -

My plan is to maintain our joint checking account (into which my full paycheck is currently deposited) and only direct deposit half of the mortgage payment, which is paid from this account. Isn't that fair?

As for everything else, I will do what Peach, Orchid and The W suggested and close out the investment account in my name and make copies of everything I can get my hands on. Can I also withdraw funds from our joint investment account? Thanks so much for your advice.

A margin account means that you can buy securties on credit. You may have assets (stocks) that were bought with a loan. Generally you pay interest on that while your investments earn more than the interest you pay. You best have someone look at that stuff while he is gone...you can have $100,000 in stock and 70,000 in loans against it!! WS have a real nasty habit of not only blowing your mind but your money too!

As far as joint account goes...close it and get your own...mortage is probably jointly held so paying half doesn't work..you need to pay it all...they go after you both...for all of it. Now is the time to do this.

He stated he wants D. Protect your assets. While one hopes he has not plundered your asset base it does happen. You can take every cent from a joint account. Do it!! Put it in your name and protect your credit. in fact cancel all joint credit accounts too. You're responsible for all of that too if he disappears. Open your own, run a credit report.

I assue you this will anger him but once you start digging you'll find stuff you do not like...and probably be happy that you've decided to protect yourself...

e-mail me at coombse.geo AT Yahoo dot com if you want off board help. Make sure you send me your e-mail addy to reply if you go thru MB board..

Hello SMOMW -


Oh - I didn't mention that he currently direct deposits 1/2 of the monthly mortgage payment into this account. And the deed and mortgage are in my name only. I can't imagine he would change this, although it's possible. He does care very much about our little DD, and wouldn't do anything to hurt her (like remove the roof over her head).

And Thank you, thank you, for your offer of help, SMOMW. Stung

We don't have any - that I am aware of. Can I find this out by getting a credit report?

Orchid and Peach -



Does this mean "contest" it? He was married before and they did their own D - without lawyers (which I don't intend to do). What if he asks me to sign papers for an uncontested D?

Snowbelle - Thanks for all your help and advice. I know what to do now, and will (hopefully) sleep better tonight. Stung

get a credit report ASAP

OK Stung..I responded last night hastily as I had many distractions as I was reading with my lap top. Your thread really made me feel as if I needed to respond.

First, your husband committed a fraud by signing your name on a tax return. Get a copy of that immediately! Further, if there was a refund on that return did you see it and sign the check, if not another fraud and a serious one.

I ask these questions so that you'll begin to ponder just what he is capable of. Because he out of town you can accomplish much. Get copies of all financial items. Get a credit report for you both. Look into this "margin account", it troubles me. Make sure that you understand everything that you see. If you do not get an answer BEFORE he comes home. If, at any point in time you need my help drop me a note. I will help best I can. However, you must not wait. If he is pulling anything he will pull out all the stops once he finds out and you need to be ready for his reaction. What you're doing is your right as a spouse and it is not a LB. He'll turn it around on you and that is why you must get it done while he is gone.

If you find anything that is really bad (like he is hiding assets, moved assets into his own accounts, etc.) you must get a lawyer. If you delay it can cost you, financialy and emotionally, in ways you'll never imagine.

Good luck...

SMOMW - I so appreciate your help. I am clueless when it comes to finances.



I believe it was electronically filed; do you still have to sign it if this is the case? On his behalf, he did give me what I thought was 1/2 of our return, which I used to pay bills.



Regarding the "margin" account, should I just call the brokerage and ask questions?


Thank you!


Okay. I'll do the best I can. DD is a bit of a (good) distraction. I will find out about the margin account and copy everything, including the tax return.



My stomach is already in knots. I'm not sure how I am going to get through this, but thank you so much for your help and guidance. It helps so much.

Stung

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> how is this done (hiding embarassment)?

Dont put anything past a WH...my husband took our mortgage and refinanced it in his name only...doesn't matter though cuz in Texas everything is JOINT...but he did all this in the midst of his Affair along with MANY MANY other things, I am only just now finding out about!

your husband forged your signature on your tax return?? that is illegal...and he took money out of a bank account that his name is not on?? that is illegal...It doesn't matter how well the broker or teller knows you...it is YOUR account! You can take him for indictment!

I am on my way out the door so real quickly..You can get a free one online. Look up free credit reports online.

You still have to sign a refund check if one was issued. Electronic filing doesn't require signatures.

Gather all accout information, numbers, places and all of your personal info along with husbands and start getting everything together.

Having gone thru a D myself I understand your angst. As you start digging it won't be easy so stay focused on the task of protecting yourself.

Good luck with all of this and here's to hoping that we're all wrong and everything is OK....

It's very easy! There is a free credit report site online!

Free Credit Report

I'd take this financial advice here...sounds pretty good to me. I would talk to a good lawyer first, then say to lawyer, how you are unsure ofhow your husband handled family and joint assets...that you think you need to get in contact w/forensic accountant or one that is specially trained in sitch's such as this to find the money trail...and who can easily paint a picture and show you where your money is.

so many people here are still worried about the emotional aspects that they don't see the most important part is protecting themselves financially and their kids...

good that home is in your name. If he leaves willingly family home, then he's out. It's your home. Change locks. Let him find somewhere else to sleep.

If he asks you 2 do the no lawyer thing....think about the why. Were they young? Did they have little assets..was there somebody else in picture?

As for me, my xh was married when he was very young. They did not have kids or many assets. She basically left him after she found out a sitch that happened way before I met him in MS, and I don't know how they did it...but it must have been basically signing a few papers. Sad huh. But it's when you do have a history...and kids...and assets...that this whole thing is not just about papers anymore. It is about a real life..a family was built.

I just have a sinking feeling...maybe it's b/c of my past, but that I would not trust a cheating H who is an investment advisor with my family monies. After all, it's about them right now. You're an incidental.

I never thought my xh would not want a roof over our son's head either. But for six mos. he did not pay us. And he ran my credit into ground...allowed a vehicle to be repo'd...b/c he knew it would hurt my credit...and got a new bmw and mercedes convertible (how midlife crisis of him huh?). This is a man who used to go to church w/me and my child...sit in service w/his arm around me during the sermon. who played on church bb team.

Being WS totally messes w/their brains. It does. And a WS has their whole life upside down. It is what it is hon. You can choose to trust them. But I'd ask you why? They've already shown they are untrustworthy right now by violating the most sacred of vows.

I hear of people dragging out a D...stalling, etc. I honestly have a different view of it. If you can get them to hit bottom earlier...if you can force the fall, I think there's much more hope...whether that divorce paper is signed or not. Of you reconciling. I say that. It may be counter MB or not, but I see it as more forcing an action or life change. People deep down hate change. And they hate having a fantasy crumble. I think if more BS were swift, and did a good A followed by a well executed plan b...and in cases where the WS was fence sitting, threatening divorce, and stealing assets for his affair, that the BS did follow thru while going completely dark and basically doing a b/D, it would force change...unwelcome change and a true reality check upon the WS...plus family monies would be protected. Kids keep roofs over head.

If in some states, like here in GA it is a fault state. I'd get proof of affair and swoop down and do this. Sure he can get angry...but then again, you live w/a guy who's job is to persuade people to give them their money. He's good at spinning...and obviously lying b/c he's a WS. You can actually spin your D in your favor...by using the whole "I am so broken...so hurt now. I can't take this anymore. You say you want it...you choose not to end your divorce and put this woman ahead of your family, so what can I do? I have to do this...I am heartbroken. I can't talk to you or see you anymore. Here, read this...I can't even face you to say these words. It's far too painful."

If you just have NO contact w/him he is suddenly seeing things differently....provided that you did a good plan A and that life was decent before the A. I think that's key.

He's got to find a reason to turn his life around. And rightnow you have to have a roof over your kids heads and cannot worry about if the bottom drops tomorrow. You've got enough stress without having to deal with his. Guess I am a fan deep down now of behavioral psych. I really believed that now, knowing what I do know, if I weren't a woman of integrity, could get my xh back. It would be a simmple matter really. I just don't want a guy like that. I don't want to be w/a WS..with behavioral psych, you do things that will affect somebody's actions. Like a forced move and change in living arrangements. Like them having less money to feed an affair with girl. Are you getting it? Words are empty in the end...especially with liars.

This is what alot of people here haven't gotten to be huge fans of! If you do things , actions which ILLICIT UNWELCOME CHANGE to the WS...basically giving the WS all the things they say they want...of course a WS and their brain doesn't work out right or they'd already figure out that they would NOT get all they want...if we gave the WS the stark truth, they'd have a forced change on them. And 9 outta 10 times, I'd say it would not be a good thing to them.

I'd become like my ipod on playback...I'd repeat over and over if WS gets angry b/c you get lawyer and separate finances...this, "Honey, I love you but I can't take it. I am too hurt. This is more than I can bear. I can't trust you to protect us anymore when there is such a truth breakdown. I have to be away from you...from this bad situation..please respect my opinion. If you love me..you can always remarry me when you remember that you were my H."

I'd end all contact after being a broken record. He'd have a PBL, can reread your words, has divorce papers...no home to go to, so he can have his OW. Isn't that nice? What a picture huh girl? He may run to her for a while, but unless he's a serious case of waywardness , or in case of my xh, he had a live in mistress who was pregnant and saying things like "if you don't marry me I am taking the baby" and making legal accusations...that's why he couldn't come back basically.

Sad for us I know. But he slept with her. All WS are one wrong night stand away from that reality btw...and don't think some girls wouldn't stoop to doing it. Trust me, this town is filled with them. With stories of Katie and Tom (bleech), Gwyneth P and Chris M, and others who got preggers first and then married, they get an idea. Trust me.

It's so sad how they don't think. They really don't. That is why I am a fan of forcing actions that will illicit any change if possible...before it is too late as in my case.

I can't say enough to many people here that if you have a chance to think, sometimes being soooo loving and staying too long and doing too long of a plan A or B is not the real loving thing to do. I'd show him some really tough love.

You can do it and spin it to your favor if you use brain vs. emotions.

AGain, GA is a fault state! Remember that. What guy would NOT want the words printed in paper ADULTRY by their name? Forever in court docs? And an OW legally cited in D papers? I did that girl.

As for an ATL get together. That's cool. Just gotta remember halloween week, I have a little fella. But maybe we could do gettogether for halloween fun or something.

I think us girls already here need to do coffee or brunch.

Geez. I'm hungry now.

I am going to go grab something and go to get nails/pedi done. Time to awaken inner diva today. Plus do some non glamorous things like clean my house (bleech) and tons of laundry. Am supposed to have date tonight with cute divorced dad of one son (same age as my child) tonight. I almsot forgot about the date...how my life is so counter of my past I just sometimes can't believe...I was most committed and loving wife...and today I can barely remember if I have a date with a guy.

There are three main credit reporting agencies... TransUnion, Equifax, and Experian.

Under a new Federal law, you have the right to receive a free copy of your credit report once every 12 months from each of the three nationwide consumer reporting companies. To request your free annual report under that law, you must go to www.annualcreditreport.com.

Get one on your husband, too, to see just where he has credit out there and how much he owes... Also to see what he has YOUR name on as well.

Do this ASAP, print out the results, and put them in a safe place with all of the other financial documents you are keeping. If your husband has a credit monitoring service he may have an email waiting for him when he gets home that someone accessed his credit report.

Also, if he has already pulled a free credit report on you and himself in the last 12 months, you can still get a copy online (about $25 to $30 per person) from a place like CreditReport.com.

Hint: Wait until DD is down for the night before you go online to do this. This takes a bit of time to fill out the info they need.

I know that all of this scares the wits out of you because you are not very knowledgeable about finances, but it really isn't as involved or horrible as you now think. You need to learn everything you can about your financial status, and a credit report is the place to start.

It bothers me that your husband keeps all of the finances to himself. Makes me think something fishy is going on. The fact that he steals your money is horrendous. And while filing tax returns electronically does get one off the hook as far as forging a spouse's signature, the bigger question is do you see the actual return and know how much is coming back to you?

Look for copies of all old Federal and state tax returns (by law you have to keep returns for 7 years). This will give a good picture of who is earning what in your household.

~ Snow