I believe you need to have your meds re-evaluated. If you aren't currently taking your meds that may explain your irrational, unhealthy sounding thought processes. If you are taking them then they don't seem to be serving you well.

I am sorry for you, your H and your children.

People on this board care about your well being and that you your family. I can't believe that the choices you are making are good or healthy for you. Sorry we can't be of more help.

sckittenpumpkin, it seems like you have been given a smattering (a good southern term) of opinions. There is a lot I can relate to and some things I just have to understand based on what I have heard from others. Some things people said here were unfair. Some things were bold and to the point, and some were trying to be kind and caring. Try look at it as help and pick and choose the pieces that seem to apply to you. Not everyone is going to be right, and not everyone is going to understand. If life were that way none of us would be sitting here on this board. Can I have and amen from everyone! My point is don't let the insensitive drive you away, don't let those who are trying to show you tough love push you too far back, and please let those who care keep you around.

I'm sure your husband regrets a lot of actions and you too probably regret a lot. You know regret is sorrow for that which we cannot control in the past. Somewhere you have to acknowledge you have no control. It's something I had to learn in life. I am not in control. I cannot control my wife, my kids, even my own life. As much as I try events always seem to change what I want. So I gave up control and I am at more peace than I ever have been. It sounds simple, but I'm always trying to regain that control and I have to remind myself I am not in control and I cannot retake control again.

Ok....I guess the bottom line is this....I really have a screwed up view of marriage and I don't understand why anyone would want to be married. Least of all me. So I have talked with husband and told him that I was leaving and that he needed to find someone who could really love him and meet his needs and not want to be with OM. I guess I'm on the wrong site. I should be on the site of "Marriage...Who Needs It?". Thanks to all who posted to my thread and tried to help.

Sorry you are feeling down tonight. I still hope you will stick around. The things you learn here help you, whether or not the marriage is recovered.

I'll say a prayer tonight for you and your family.

Hi SC,

I thînk that a lot of people here are trying to get you to own your actions. Its your decision whether or not to stay married and with your kids. However, what I find disturbing is how you blame everybody for your decisions. "My husband enabled me", "my father doesnt love me", "my parents were emotionally abusive", I just dont see how any of this is directly responsible for your promiscuity. Everytime you go with a man it is your decision and your responsibility.

The fact that you think it is best to run from this marriage as you did from the previous two, shows that you have learned nothing. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Everything in life is a choice. Own your actions. If you choose to be promiscious it is not your husbands or your parents or your kids decision it is entirely yours.

You mention your disdain for murderers and child molesters, however many of those people were enabled by others and not loved or emotionally abused by their parents too. Do those excuses reduce their criomes in any way??

Sc...

this will probably be my last attempt at this one but here goes...besides you may already be long time gone <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

while it may serve you to believe that this board is full of responses of people saying you are horrible and should just stop...

what you really got was a board full of people saying...

that we believe that no matter how bad and mucked up it has been you can and it can change....

that the truth is we the collective offer the opportunity of hope.....
no one said change is easy...
no one said change is instant...

nope no one here would say any of that...
but we would all say ....
that you my friend...do hold the power to do so...
you just haven't felt empowered in a long time...

so the offer is here on the table...
lots of Wayward spouses here that have changed...
lots of people with crappy experiences that have changed...
lots of people just like you....

your marriage and your belief in how a marriage works is a little skewed ..

your marriage is exactly what you create it to be...on your end.....
it does not exist outside of your actions and energies....

and NO sk..your children are not better without you..
your children are better with you..being there for them and taking each day and moment at a time....and moving slowly towards learning to make decisions that serve you and them well....

in other words...
the offer is here.
the people here believe that people can and do change all the time...
mostly because they themselves have changed things in their own lives that they never thought they could or would...

and can now never see them going back to that person who they were when they first posted here....

blessings to you SK..and know that people on this board believe in you....even if you don't believe in yourself...

this place offers step and plans that move you slowly thru each mine-field as it comes...
it helps people learn to think and react differently from old ways that didn't serve them well...

he we are
and here we will be..

I needed to say that even if you don't read it or don't accept...

I pray you open your heart....

ARK

sckitten, as you rationalized to me over on Eav's thread, you have not committed adultery, "cheated," because your husband knew. You explained that honesty erased adultery somehow. I responded to your post there but wanted to bring it here instead:

It seems you missed the very definition of cheating that applies to your case:

Informal. To be sexually unfaithful: cheat on a spouse.

Says nothing about "dishonesty" there.

Adultery means to be sexually unfaithful, with or without lying. That is not a matter of opinion, it is a fact. You may delude yourself, but it doesn't make it correct.

a·dul·ter·y ( P ) Pronunciation Key (-dlt-r, -tr)
n. pl. a·dul·ter·ies
Voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a partner other than the lawful spouse


See? Nothing about deceit there. Because it has nothing to do with the definition of adultery. Adultery simply means unfaithful, whether you lie or not.

hhhhmmmmm..............?????

Dustkitty? Is that you?

sck,

I think that down deep you know what is 'right' and that you do want to stay in your marriage. Your H will share in the work of rebuilding when he sees you trying to save the marriage. Sometimes pride gets in the way of those hurt...either your pride or your H's.

Continuing on the path of sexual promiscuity is potentially dangerous. If you continue that way then make sure you get tested for STD's regularly and you need to get the new vaccine for HPV when it comes out. The choice to remain promiscuous could have deadly or permanant results. AIDS, HPV causing cerivcal cancer, Hep. C,herpes, clap, syphillis, etc. are all out there.

Try to take care of yourself.

Ok first of all I said all that stuff about my family because that's what I was told by my counselors. I am not blaming anyone for my actions. No one held a gun to my head and told me to do this stuff. I guess you people have to read this thread carefully to see that. Next of all I came here to find out some advice on what to do. Most everyone here basically stated that I was scum for doing what I did. Ok fine. I did find AskMe's advice very helpful. Thanks AskMe! You people who are telling me to own up to my responsibility are preaching to the choir. Please stop doing that. It's not constructive and it's like a broken record. As for my husband---he said he was partly complicit in this thing with this guy. HE said it. I did NOT tell him to own up to this as you say it was HIS CHOICE. Thank you

Thank you, Dr. I appreciate the advice but I already know all of this stuff. Thanks!

Melody:

I'm sure that you mean well but this is not helpful. You are just trying to cram a point down my throat. I told you that we would have to agree to disagree and said you weren't going to change my mind and I wasn't going to change yours. Please drop this because I'm not going to concede to your point and you're not going to concede to mind. This is a waste of time. I am not going to discuss this anymore. Thank you.

At least I'm glad you haven't given up. I hope you would give some of us a chance to keep writing and see if there is something that speaks to you in some way that will help. I really want to keep talking in hopes that someones past experiences can be used as gain for yourself. I know I have learned from others and it has helped me tremendously. I would love to share I have I have learned in hopes that it could help.

By the way, does the SC stand for South Carolina? It's where I was born.

SK, I don't blame you for wanting to avoid the subject because you know you can't defend your opinion that this is not adultery. What you are doing is adultery and that is not a matter of opinion, but a matter of fact.

I have noticed that anything you don't like to hear or an opinion you can't defend is considered "unhelpful." But that's always the way with folks who are lying to themselves; truth is not their friend.

Again, Melody........you're like a dog with a bone. Just drop it. Ruff!

Please explain to me Melody, what it is that you are trying to accomplish here? Is it to "see the error of my ways" and turn my life around or is it righteous indignation that you are right and I am wrong. Are you a christian?

OINK! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I thought you wanted to drop it, dear?

sk, I have to assume since you are coming to a marriage building site that you want help. So what can we do for you? You have gotten some very good responses so far and offers of help. You are still here so that is good.