You have to figure out what is best for you. It w/b nice to expose back to his family but it maybe hard t/d.

Consider this case:

WS is the owner of a small company. 4 employees. WS is having an affair (EA for sure, PA probably). OW is almost 30 years his junior. His W travels a lot on business and it appears they lead separate lives.

W knows who the OW is. Not sure if she suspects an A but Ws takes the OW with him on business trips, buys her furniture (like a bed), tranports her to and from work almost daily, takes her on most of his office outings, clients wonder why she accompanies him on his 'business meetings', clients even wonder if she is his W or mistress, buys her breakfast and lunch, she is the authorized signor on his bank accounts, etc..... Life for the employees is hard due to this R. OW is a whining spoiled brat. Likes to torture and make fun of other ees and clients. No one escapes from her mimicking vindictive wrath. Ow has no client service skills yet the WS puts her in charge while he is gone and made sure he told me over and over how he would NEVER fire the OW. (yea, like I needed to know this - <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />).

Delimea: What should the ees do?

1. 1st 2 ees left. 1 hired. Remember the office only had 5 employees to begin with. I came, 2 more left. Then the
5th one left. That left the OW and me. 1 came in as temp, stayed 2 months and left. 2 more hired. Now the staff was at 4 ees. I quit about 3 weeks ago. 1 more quit today. That leaves 1 ee, 1 ow and the Ws. Last ee barely hanging on. OW and WS still galvanting around the islands. Planning another trip to another island this week. Hm.... wonder how the business will be running.

2. All prior employees along with several clients tried to help the WS see the error of his choices. He ignored them all. In fact he got down right angry and mean. Smiling and stabbing his own loyal employees in the back.

3. Company ethics were now in question. Ws refused to see the error of his ways. Questionable transactions were brought to his attention. He refused to deal with them. Funny how the Ow kept getting new clothes and she was supposedly on a fixed income.... oh yea....WS must be helping out. Hm.... WS kept complaining of not having enough money to run the business yet OW kept showing up with new clothes and stuff. Yet OW would chastise the staff for using stick-it notes or asking for pens.

What should the employees do? Expose to the W? Expose to his family? Seems like they knew and somehow all felt resigned that nothing would change him.

Best thing right now is the employees must get themselves out of the situation. There are legal options but further exposing doesn't always work. The employees need to protect themselves and getting another job away from the WS and OP becomes a priority.

Ws and OP are digging their own demise. Things are already crumbling and the WS has resorted to outright slander and lying to try to pass to the blame. The truth will prevail. The BS and other employees, don't have to even lift a finger. The WS and OP are their own worst enemies.

The other employees need to get to a safe place.

Legal options? They are out there. Gotta be smart.

It amazes me that adultery is not still illegal in Western societies (US, Britain, France, Oz etc).

I am on the way to a law career. I am minoring in Sociology. My primary career goal will be to lead a crusade to restore adultery as a punishable crime in the US. I intend to work at a Washington DC think tank in order to start this ball rolling. The Heritage Foundation is working on how to turnaround the high rate of Divorce in the US even as I write. This is very new, and I think, late in coming but good news. So that's where I hope to go first.

IF adultery was ILLEGAL and punishable and the OP could be sued in all states for "alienation of affection" (as it used to be in many states), then I think people would be less apt to engage in one. At least they would attempt to get out of their marriages before entering into a new relationship more often than now. Currently, western culture glorifies affairs. That's a fact. So I think part of the large number of affairs has less to do with 'bad marriages' and more to do with the glamourous quality associated with affairs.

end of rant.

I am SO behind you on this 10Swords! I have been saying this all along too.If we did make it punishable by law to engage in adultery,there would be a deterrent.To what degree,who knows but at least the BS's would have some form of retribution for these horrible acts inflicted upon them and their children/families.

We send people to jail for stealing coats and jewelry,why not our marriages or our safety,security,family and home?? Aren't these worth fighting for? They are STOLEN by these perp's(OP) and they just sit smugly by while they wait for their WS's marriage and family to crumble so they can have their chance.

And hitting them in the pocket book is also a great idea.If you play,you PAY! The cost of D stemming from adultery is huge and the courts just cannot and should not keep looking the other way if we are to save our marriages and families.

Good luck with your career!!

O

Sadevad,

It says terrific things about your character that you came here !

Your co-workers don’t know how lucky they are to have a co-worker like you!


You came here seeking advice, here is mine:

I would scrap reasoning or dealing with them. (I am not surprised at all that nothing has changed since your first discussion.) If they had the wherewithal to address their problems the right way, they would not be were they are.

Contact the spouse that called you earlier—tell her about this website!

Send an anonymous word to the other spouse….and indicate this website!

By disclosing the A to the betrayed spouses (BS), you are truly helping everyone involved, your co-workers will benefit from your disclosure too, I promise!

You mention that it will be difficult for you at work if you expose, but I can’t imagine that it is easy now. And please consider this: if your spouse had an A, wouldn’t you want someone to tell you?

P.S. PLEASE tell the BS about this website!!

My FWH was having an affair with a woman that we went to church with. We had been there 7 years. OW had only been there a short time. She was on and off about church. My husband and I were very active in the church. He played the drums every sunday morning. There was about 800 members.

Alot of the people knew. One or two of them suggested that I make sure and take care of myself and my son. No one came right out point blank and told me. Everybody that worked in my husbands shop also knew. Men and woman. No one said a word.

If someone, anyone had steped up to the plate and just told me what was going on it would have kept me and my children safe from alot of heart ache.

You need to tell!

My husband and I are doing great, wonderful, outstanding in recovery but it would have been eaiser getting to where we are if someone had told me what was going on.

Just my 2 cents.

Give me the facts and I will call the spouses. I am volunteering to do this for you, Dave.

You asked for opinions, here's mine.

My WH was(still is?) having an affair with a coworker. I too talked with another coworker of theirs about it. She originally gave me a little information, but stopped when it got difficult for her. WH would talk to her often about our relationship and his relationship with OW. She would tell him he needs to focus on his marriage and stop messing around with OW. She knows all 3 of us. She knows of OW's history with workplace affairs, but WH would not listen to her.

My WH's family has developed the "I'm going to stay out of it" attitude and they do nothing while our marriage crumbles. I have no allies at this point. WH does not hear about the benefits of marriage anymore. WH does not hear that affairs are bad news. WH is existing in la la land.

Be an ally to these spouses. You may be all they have. You have no idea the pain they may be going through. You don't have to be their shoulder to cry on. You don't have to support them. Just let them know so they don't think they are going crazy. If you need to do it anonymously, open a hotmail account or something and send an email to them both. Or call block your phone number and then call them, or have a friend call them. Find a way to get the info to them.

Talk to your boss about it too. Does your company have a policy on interoffice dating? If they do, use that as the reason for your concern. Obviously you feel uncomfortable about this. I'm sure you aren't the only one! Have you talked to anyone else in the company on a peer level about this? Do they notice it too? How do they feel? Would they be willing to go with you to a manager?

You know this is a big deal or else you wouldn't be here. I respect that about you. Take the next step. You aren't the one playing with fire here, they are.

FYI....it is a crime here in South Carolina and can be punished by jail time. However, in our society, the cops have too much stuff to do other than worry about adultery. Putting people in already overcrowded jails is not the answer. I would say that changing the views of our culture would be the way to go about it. And on another note suing the other person for "alienation of affection" is great in theory but we already have a over abundance of lawsuits in our court system. I would say that the way to eliminate this problem is to change society's view of affairs. And yes, Melody, I know you're reading this and sarcastically saying "Oh brother what does she know about this and so she's an expert" on this but it is a "fact" as you like to say that it's easier to marry than it is to divorce. If it was harder to get married it might eliminate some of this and also we have a "disoposable" society. We have the mentality that if it's broke we get a replacement. That's the problem. Make it harder to do that and maybe people will think twice.

As far as the A at the office. Do it the right way and send an anonymous letter to both BSs, giving the phone # and other info of the other BS in the letter.

Sckitten, (Oh, I see..South Carolina!)

""the cops have too much stuff to do other than worry about adultery. Putting people in already overcrowded jails is not the answer.""

I agree. I have always thought that by legalizing the injured spouse going after the OM or OW with with a pointy instrument, blunt object, or small caliber firearm would reduce the incidents of adultery immensly.

The injured spouse would have to show undoubtable proof of course. Pictures, emails, text msgs, eye-witness testimony, etc. or else the BS could really be in trouble!

k

Ever hear of a "Crime of Passion"? In my neck of the woods many have walked when that's what it was called.



The Heritage Foundation is working on changing the moral standard, but I don't agree that's enough.

Adultery is not a victimless crime.

There are other ways to uncrowd prisons then letting out the murderers and rapists. Besides the 21st century fact that Prisons are now big business so you can expect more prisons and more prisoners no matter what.

And what's wrong with heavy fines? Community service? Mandated marriage counseling? I won't back down, so you'd better get your own law degree, if you think you can stop me.

10Swords, you are awesome! BRAVO! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />