I really don't fantasize about revenge on the o/w. Her guilt and shame will be revenge enough. I know she must live in constant fear, that at any moment I might decide to contact her spouse and reveal the pain that she and my w/h has bestowed on me, via the EA.
I am confident the EA is dead, but satisfied that the guilt of causing an innocent spouse increadible pain, shame for being the one that caused it, and fear of the possiblity of exposure could cause the loss of her marriage, will follow her for years to come.
You see, living with a dirty secret, carrying the burden of untold guilt, will eat her up inside. I don't have to do a thing, she will do it all to herself.

Bwahahahaha!!! Leave it to you Lemon, to make lemonade out of sour lemons. That my friend, could be the best revenge story of all. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I have to say - I don't mind BS's venting, and rather laugh along, but like Pat - I get saddened by it too - reading posts that degrade the OW, or WS - jokinly....I know it's not directed to me - but I was a OW and a WS...and sadly when I was acting that way - it could have been directed at me.

So I read these and smile along, something are funny - but I never truly enjoy these threads - in fact I feel a little uncomfortable in them, and sometimes wont read.

I think that's what FL and Pat are getting it...that yah it's healthy venting - but at the expense of others...and we sure don't like our WS's laughing at our expenses...and so as FWS...it gets a little uncomfortable...

Did I explain this right?

but at the expense of others

Its at the expense of the man who f'ked my wife and tried to steal my children and being laughed at is getting off lightly, believe me.

He had his fun at my expense. A bit worse than my venting on a forum don't you think ?

I want to feel his flesh yield so badly I can TASTE it some days. And thats not a joke or a vent. Its a fact.

I don't have a STREAK of PC in me regarding OM.

bob, i'm sorry these feelings are so intense for you. i am guessing they may not be very comfortable feelings to have to have. i am also thinking, my BH has very strong and similiar feelings specifically towards the OM who was our "friend".

((Bob))

Yes always...that is an obsessive compulsive habit of mine....I count a MINIMUM of three times....some people think I am crazy in there because of this. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Nahh. it would have screwed up my morbidity and mortality statistics...and all of these "consumer watchdogs" would be hounding me.....now, yuo realize that I am a trauma surgeon and NOT a plastic surgeon...so lets just say, I am sure a "prettier, smaller" scar could have perhaps been done...(JOKE). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

hmmm - did you do my emergeny appendectomy Lem? Lets just say my long huge pelvic reconstruction scar that goes bottom to bellybutton is prettier than this stupid 3 inch welt that this surgeon left...YOU PEOPLE!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

FL, dorry I would take his life. I hope you know me well enough to know that is not alightly thrown threat. OM knows this is not an idle threat. His fear of me has helped maintain NC.

I would have his heart stop in my clutching fist.
I will post no more.

Only the fact that OM GF probably feels the same way about Squid helps me consider this in context.

I am waiting for aphelion to reply, as I am very curious what he(I assume he) has to say.

That said, I have to say that I have thought about(and had discussions with frozen in the last two hours about) my assertions on this thread.

Bob, after a discussion with frozen for around 30 minutes on the phone, I now have a greater appreciation of your desire to gut the OM. In a pacifistic sort of way,for some reason, I say "put down the evil revenge idea's brother's" and that is because I can think hyper-rationally when I am putting so much thought into what I say or type. But in the instance that I ran into OM at the mall, let's say, it might take a large group of people to pull me off of him.

Nothing excuses anyone from the responsibility of their actions. Not for anyone. Not for any reason. I assert that and I stand by it. I will capitulate, however, that I am not giving credance to the human desire to seek justice in any form. It is just so simple as 'turn the other cheek'.

Anyway, I have a greater appreciation of desire for justice by your own hand and even understand it to the point that I agree it is what I would obsess over for a time, maybe forever. I am not happy about the side of the equation I reside on here and when I see something as insensitive to 'my kind' it makes me want to say something in defense. I don't always. This time I did. It became productive for me, but it had it's growing pain.

I can't word it correctly, but I guess sometimes it feels like a form of racism. That is not the right word, but the idea from it is a close proxy. Maybe a form of verbal segregation.

Probably way too PC when the fact is, I am not even a PC guy.

Bob I have no doubts - despite sprints odd turns in his battle with my A...you have always reminded me of him, and your reactions to OM, and both OM's being terrified for their lives because they KNOW what you or sprint are capable of - I have no doubt.

I am proud of you for not acting out your impulses <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Maybe it's hard for me to read these jokes and vents because I easily fit into that catagory once upon a time...that it could easily be OMW cracking jokes about me and what I am like and what i did....no comparason to what I did to her - i know - but still no fun to hear either...

Also... Bob.

I hope you are able to gain a perspective of less repressed anger. Your remark of still heart in your clutching hand is a bit disturbing. I know you are absolutely serious.

Anger serves no one but the enemy. Your resentment, undealt with, is probably the devil's playground, yes?

Just a thought, because the anger and thoughts you couple with it do not sound completely healthy to me.

I am no expert. You are the expert on how you feel.

You know Dorry.....there may come a time in life, when your life or those that you love is in the hands of "YOU PEOPLE"....just some food for thought.

ALas, I do understand your frustrations.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Pat,

You are correct. I mean every word, every sentiment. That I have so far stayed my hand is a miracle.

ONE phone call from OM will see him feel my wrath. I swear this.

My only salvation here is I spoke at length with OM. He knows that I am serious. I send him a physical message that was not misinterpretable. He knows that I am capable. He fears me. This assuages my insulted masculinity for now.

I've had a lovely evening with Squid. We went to DS8s school report evening, then came home, put the kids to bed and shared a bottle of wine watching 'Nanny 911' and talking.

Tonight I do not feel motivated to act on my instinct. It's a good night. May it please God to heal my injured male pride that I do not need to take the life of this wastrel in order to feel satisfaction.

Humph...stomping my foot cuz Pat you never seem to respond to my posts. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> that is the best pouty face I could come up with.

Patriot,

Have a few minutes before I have to return to the meeting from he11. I am typing way faster than is good for me.

Let me start in (on you – err, just kidding.)

I did not find enough in your post to me to really sink my teeth into. So I can’t yet reply directly to anything you wrote.

But I can provide some context.

First off, in the interest of full disclosure, my mother was and is an alcoholic. Most children of alcoholics develop very efficient coping skills. Some are good skills and some are bad skills.

CA used to be my particular forte. Basic survival skill number one, if you will. Don’t rock the boat. Don’t do or say anything that directs focus on oneself. Never ever say out loud what you want or need. This is not a good skill in a troubled M.

Children of alcoholics also tend to develop very definite views regarding fairness and justice in life. I think I now have a larger than normal “whatthehey!” gland. I see so many things in life that are so patently unfair and yet the perpetrators appear to get away with it. Or, they appear to get away with atonement of maybe just ten cents on the dollar. I find myself as offended on any victims’ behalf as much as on my own. On top of this salt is rubbed in the wound when I see other people gloss over these great wrongs as if they are no big deal.

(MM, your post to me does have a lot to chew on in this regard. Thank you. I agree with everything you write. I know in my heart it’s true. It’s comforting in some odd way to see it written down by someone else.)

As with many children of alcoholics (and abusers in general) I promised myself over and over I would never ever marry anyone like good old mom.

Guess who I married?

FWW is not an alcoholic, but with her severe addictive behaviors and FOO issues she may as well be. BTW, one of the greatest blessings in my life after DS (who is probably an OC) is Al Anon.

So...

I have this hunger and thirst for justice sake - for everyone. I think I’d make a very good avenging angel, LOL. But I can’t even provide justice or fairness for myself, of course. It’s very frustrating. I apologize for when this frustration sometimes shows up in my posts on MB. Perhaps we can all agree, better here than to FWW?

For the above reasons, I have been staying away from WS and FWW posts. I often smell entitlement, justification and minimization from half a world away. I hear some variation on the theme, “BS didn’t meet my needs,” so often I gag on it now.

Very few of my ENs have been met during my 20 year M. Yet I had no A, not even when presented with several blatant opportunities at the lowest of times (like a month after several of the various D-Days or when FWW moved out hoping her LTA OM (more than 10 years) would join her. Women seemed to come out of the woodwork at those times and almost throw themselves at me. I never once lost my ethics nor my morals – not even in the depths of repeated temptation, anger and despair.

At the same time, IC and MC both agree missing ENs had little to do with FWW’s A(s). I rarely ever LB’d either. FWW even admits this.

So, not to put too fine a point on it, I have great difficulty empathizing with most WS stories and their general outlook.

This also means I have great difficulty understanding a lot of what FWS post. It’s as if we speak completely different languages. But I’d like to understand better. I have been told forgiveness germinates in understanding.

I have forgiven FWW, yet again. I'm way past 70 times 7. I know forgiveness is a process, and I am slowly working my way out of my pit of anger. This pit is pretty darn deep this time. It gets deeper with every betrayal. But, I don’t yet trust her this time. Almost my entire M has been smoke and mirrors. Shoot, I now know her first betrayal was in the first year of our M. (In this I identify with FL’s H in what I suspect are his feelings of total uselessness and sham of an M from the beginning).

But just the same, I wish only the best for all WS. I just wish I understood better.

Oh, it’s a strange irony that I probably identify more often with a FWS, Low Orbit, than with any BS here. His angst regarding his M is pretty close to where I am, even though I do not have my own A to deal with. I often think I’d change places with LO any day. At least he has some fun and sexy memories to recall from his A. And at least he can trust his W.

So, where was I? Sorry, what was the question?

With prayers,

Hi, FF!

I was just joking - I would rather of had a 3 inch nasty scar than my appendix burst as it was about to - and possibly die <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I have a great appreciation for surgeons - due to my pelvic surgeon I now feel my age again and function day to day like I never could after the birth of my first child and the damage done. Rather deal with scars than discomfort and possible death!

FF,

It won't work. I've tried both the foot stomping and the pouty face.

Sometimes if you bat your eyelashes while doing the pouty face thing, it gets you a shopping trip. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

A pleasant-ish diversion : I had and emergency peritonectomy when my infected peritoneum burst when I was 16. I have a NASTY scar but better than being dead by a LONG way ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />