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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906 |
Ok while tripping down the road of lets bash your hubby and OP...
I guess it really isn't helping you....
OK marriedwith...what is your plan here....
blessings to you and the upcoming birth...
who are you planning to be with you in delivery...and
do you have support available post delivery...
have you considered going plan B prior to the birth.......
where are YOU in all this....besides glowing and beautiful with that baby....:)
ARK
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 54
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 54 |
Ark,
I plan on having my mom and mother-in-law in the delivery room. H hasn't mentioned anything to me yet about where he will be but has told his mom he plans on walking his son to the nursery like he did our daughter.
I'm now at the anger stage with H for not choosing his family first and I think I'll be even more angry on the day of delivery with him. I might be willing to allow him to carry the baby to the nursery if my 7 year-old daughter could enjoy that experience with him. I know they wouldn't allow her to hold the baby by herself, but she is so excited.
I'm exhausted by my H playing with my emotions and have tried to implement Plan B. He sees my daughter a couple of times a week and I'm having very limited contact with him. I try to only discuss the where and when for visits with our daughter. He called late a couple of nights ago to chat and see if things were okay and to tell me that he didn't know I wasn't sleeping. I told him I hadn't slept well for over two months (D day) and that I would just deal with it. I told him I had nothing else to say to him.
I'm not sure if I'm implementing Plan B correctly. Any advice?
Marriedwithchildren
Age 34, WH 35,
OD 7, OS due 11/05
OW 25, 3 children, left H 7/05
Married 10 years/together 16 years
D day July 2005
Seperated/divorcing
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906 |
I think you should consider writing him a letter clearly defining him not being allowed in the delivery room...
and set severe limits ....
I think you should seek legal advice...
and write a birth plan specific to what you desire during delivery...............
I think you should write a love letter as well as one that cleary takes you out of his chaos...........
what do you think
what do you want......
how are you with him being there
how are you with him not being there...
arkie
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247 |
Plan B is your greatest opportunity right now.
Have you done a letter or simply stopped talking to him?
You MUST write a letter. Let him know that you are hurting terribly and that his presence now and at the birth would
be too painful.
One paragraph about your love and happy memories.
One paragraph about your pain and suffering.
One paragraph about your boundries.
One paragraph about how he can return to his family and your hope that he will do so before you don't love him anymore.
You hold ALL of the cards right now. I would withhold all of the special moments that new daddies have. He's a scary alien, I wouldn't let him around my precious new baby!
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,083
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,083 |
Plan B would be excellent. He needs to wonder how you are doing and NOT be able to get answers. It's none of his business if you are not sleeping, not doing well, or getting along fabulously without the stress of his daily "As-the-world-of-fake-daddy-turns" drama!
He's more likely to clean things up if he knows for certain you have a plan of action that doesn't include him being there for the birth. That's significant enough to be a warm-wind-blowing over his foggy-mind!
Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1 The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"? The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!" If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.
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