Wow, that was sick evil thing to do to you, Keith.

I'm telling you...this kind of stuff really shows you that the depravity of man is getting worse. But don't loose faith in decency...decency is there in a very few.

And also, that woman is not your W any longer, and thankfully so.

Lady

If it was the OM, his insecurity sure is showing. A man that was confident in his relationship does not need to "show off".

This was akin to locker room bragging...he must be worried XW still has feelings for you and wants to push you away further.

I know they have broken up a couple times so maybe they are having problems again. This was his way of getting to me? Trying to get me to lash out at her so she goes running back to him? Who knows!!!

my question is do you believe she knows he used her so awfully?

would she blame YOU for HIS actions............

ARK

hMM...

Maybe just next time, forward the taped message to her parents and his parents.... saying this must have been sent here by mistake, I'm not married to her anymore so she must have been meaning to share her 'joy' with her family.

Sometimes, all you can do is laugh about ridiculous things like this... I know it's really hard to do, but, what else are you going to do with it. Honestly, it is a petty little thing...sex is so simple, and that they'd do this, shows how much they don't understand it's real meaning.

Ark,
Are you suggesting that I tell her? What do I tell her? If it was taped and then replayed there is a good chance she doesn't know and if that is the case, she will not believe me. I know she has problems but I cannot see her sending this. I can see her boyfriend sending it though.

I can tell it was not staged or part of some scripted hoax. I have "been with her" thousands of times and I know this was real. He is probably taping her and she doesn't know it.

Keith

Such a deliberate act is [email]so...@#$@*[/email] wrong. ( I edited my self) I'm sorry she is still able to hurt you. Although it could have been totally done without her knowledge...it doesn't make it less painful to listen to. I think I probably would have erased it too. I'm sorry for your pain and hope you can put this behind you and continue your personal recovery.

Keith,

I have been reading your posts lately and I agree with bob,please stop "obsessing" over what this EX wife(disturbed) of yours is doing.She's history.

Please get used to the delete button on the machine.I use it all the time and there are plenty of other's here I think need to start making it a habit.

And,I wouldn't hestitate to mention to either one of them that if you EVER receive a message like that again or even a remotely similar one your number will be changed. Take a stand on that right now and make it perfectly clear JMO.

O

P.S. If your ex wasn;t aware of this message being sent that is also another reason to mention it since she will find out what a complete slime this guy is and hopefully get a clue.

Well here's wild idea......if their A is soooo strong, then a dose of the same medicine on his answering machine w/b worth it?!?!?!?

So if the call came from his #, send another groveling tape to make him think he has been 2 timed. If it is from her #, send one with him as the 2 timer.

Ooohh..... Orchid has a lot of ideas!?!??!! LOL!!!

No need for this to cause you more pain. Right now she isn't good material for you anyways so best to give the pain and guilt back to them. It will mess with their A minds and that's a good plan. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

Orchid,

Great ideas!!! I will pass though - I need to get over this one. It really messed me up. As sick as that message was, it made me miss her. Isn't that sick??? I hear this disgusting audio of my x-wife getting scr#$%d by some loser and it makes me miss her??? What is wrong with me??

But, it also made me sick, angry, bitter. She has found herself a real winner in this guy.

I will let this go. It is going to take me a few days to get over this one.

Keith

BH~~

I don't think there is anything "wrong" with you.
I think it's a natural response to missing what you once had.
I remember the period of time when I couldn't stand the thought of my xh being with ow in that respect, and if would have had to hear it, it would have rocked my world, AGAIN.

But, the one thing I guess I would say, is that our x-spouses are not the people we married or once shared those special times with. They are different now.
I'm still not convinced that the worlds that they have created for themselves are as they appear to be, and that it is not as wonderful as they like to portray.

K!

Letting go isn't so easy.

Transforming the energy might be more palatable.

So what I wonder is what will happen to that tape next. See, the affair lives, at least in part, on the hurt and angry and awful emotions that the BP feels.

Playing that tape into your answering machine is designed to draw you back into the maelstrom. Probably because they're not getting enough of a "high" from the affair anymore, so they need someone else's emotional energy to feed it.

Your strong emotional reactions are food for their life, BHINWI. Best not to it that to them -- you lose your soul that way, and so do they.

So.... if you don't feed them, and eventually your emotional reactions don't even happen any more (yes, you'll get there), then I have to wonder where they'll turn next to try to boost the emotional highs back up to that insane point that they were at before.

Which leads me to wonder.... where else will the tape go? Will he (I think he probably taped her) give it to a girlfriend of his? Or perhaps play it for some of his male buddies? Maybe it'll end up on the Internet. There are plenty of sites where you can download sounds or pictures like that, and the stories that go with them.

And if that's the path they're taking, or the path that he's taking anyway, then the most compassionate thing you can do is get the heck out of the way and let them crash and burn as quickly as possible. You already know you can't stop it. So instead -- protect yourself, protect your kids, and get the heck out of the way of these two.

Just J - Thank you...

I think some of my suspicions are correct in that they may be having problems again and that is his way I creating a wedge between her and me. After all, what better way to push somebody over the edge? Giving me a recording of him scr$%ing the woman that I loved dearly is a real good way. (I just don't think she was involved in sending it to me). Whoever sent it, got no reaction from me. That has got to be eating him/her alive!!!

Today my DD was at my "X's" and I called to see when she was coming back. She said she was staying because "Mom is having a really bad day". Mom must have broken up again with this maggot. So, problems in paradise, he sends me a recording to get me to come down on my X, and she runs back to him. Perfect plan except I said nothing to her or him.

You know what I really wish though? That I lived in a time where I could go to this jerks house, and punch his lights out without any legal action taken against me. I would just love it.

One thing I do know, everytime I get hurt, I crawl out a little stronger. My love for her is slowly bleeding to death.....

I think, if you look at this from outside the emotion of the moment, you can have room to have some true compassion on this woman.

She chose to let go of something real, for a sleazy man who demeans her, treats her like a cheap wh*ore and broadcasts it.

When she finds out the low-life for what he really is, she will have a hard time coming off the bottom of all self-images. You can be a soft place for her to land, if you so choose to be, under specific conditions of remorse/repentenance.

Or she can have what she deserves which is nothing. But you do have children with her. And your children will adopt similar self-image difficulties without intervention.

Keep your prayers going up that there will be an opportunity for you to be a first class, true blue hero for her.

Detach from the emotion of the moment; breathe; let the slimeball have no more of your energy or attention. Get close to God. I have a feeling there will be a time soon for you to shine.

You're welcome, BHinWI. (WI is my favorite state. I grew up there.)

And yeah, what KaylaAndy said.

With the additional thought that compassion (not the weak kind, but the kind that comes from grounded internal strength) is good no matter whether you choose to be available for a reconciliation or not.

In this case,

KaylaAndy - What a truly nice response... thank you. I sometimes feel so bad for her. She is searching so hard for something and I don't think she knows what it is. Everytime she has had these EA's I have tried (God knows I have tried) to work with her on it.

I am the rock for the kids. Yes, they have seen me suffer through this but I am always home for them and I never tell them how I hurt inside.

JustJ - Thank you also.... Glad you like WI also!

KaylaAndy adn JustJ,

So do you suggest I tell her about the message? I don't even know if she will believe me and I deleted it.

Keith

Yes. U didn't ask for my opinion but I just wanted to give it anyway. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> I won't charge my normal the $.02 fee. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />


How you let her know is important:

BS:I got a strange message from someone (give day but no time. Let her wonder when, even if she knows, then watch her eyes).

WS: What message?

BS: Sounded like someone was in pain, not sure. C/b someone getting mugged or something. There was a lot of bacground noise and some guy sounded like he was punching or banging someone. I called the police to put a trace on it. You ever get a call like that?

L.

I wouldn't go out of my way to bring it up - because she still believes you would want to make him look bad. He'll do it again. Then save the evidence, not to abuse yourself, but to set her free.

Better yet, have the friend get in touch with her, and tell her about the vile vm you got and how that person insisted on you deleting it. But have that friend share in a very caring, protective way, that her BF is beyond a cad and a heel to do that to her.

You have a motive to make him look bad. Your friend doesn't. Credibility in these kinds of revelations are important because you don't want her to feel protective of a pimp.

I don't believe it is necessary to lie, embellish, or exaggerate..any reaction or description of the tape. Since you no longer have the actual recording, I don't know what purpose it would serve to tell her unless you think she may believe you and you care that he may let others listen to it...out of respect for her as the mother of your children. If she knows you as a man of integrity who wouldn't answer you then maybe it won't harm you to let her know someone left this message on your answering machine. Remain calm, and concerned because it is the right thing. She doesn't need to know that you were so hurt by it unless appropriate. At the point you, are as the BS, should not appear (not let the WS see them as) weak and easily affected by the madness of the A.

She has really been over the top in her disrespect of you during your marriage with her numerous EA's/A's. I would think you would want to continue to move on with your life.