I could have been a lot less "responsible" with my cheating...ie: I could have NOT used protection, and I could have indulged in oral sex, but I did NOT!! So, I think I'm within my rights to say that I was at least responsible about it! No, I'm not an oxymoron. See, this is the kind of crap I'm talking about...I was reaching out for help, and I was sincere about it, I got a few responses that were worthy, the rest might as well have not even posted. If everyone here is volunteering their advice, why don't they make it worth while and positive, rather than lash out and pick apart what people say. This is supposed to be a place of help and healing, not slamming and hurting. I understand the fact that everyone has the right to vent, but I don't believe that anyone has the right to vent on someone else's mis-doings, when they don't know the whole picture of the factors anyways that led to the cheating.

Benna,<P>So here's what you do: You sift through the stuff you don't find helpful, or that you perceive as slamming. You find the posts that are helpful. Did you re-read TNT's post? I think there are some very helpful suggestions there.<P>Don't take things too personally. Just don't let things rattle you so much. It's a lesson I've learned from years on the internet. Once you understand that many people here are still very hurting from being betrayed, it's a little easier to take the nasty remarks. Just step around them, so to speak.<P>stick around!<BR>--andy

Well-spoken, Andy.<P>Also remember, Benna, these are written words, and SOMETIMES we misinterpret the tone behind them. I don't think Chris was trying to be a smart aleck with his "Oxymoron" comment. From my perspective, he was trying to point out that cheating, in and of itself, is rather irresponisble. That's what the oxymoron was. True, you could have been a LOT more irresponsible about it.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>No, I'm not an oxymoron. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>The oxymoron was "responsible cheating." <P>As for sticking around, please do. I'm sure we can ALL learn alot from each other.<P>------------------<BR>/// Lone Star * ///<P>

LS, BINGO!

Beena,<P>I'm sorry, this is the first post I have seen from you. I haven't been here very much in the last 5 days or so, so I must have missed your earlier posts. I will try to find them later today (time permitting).<P>Don't feel alone.... there are more of "us" than you might think..... You might even assume I am JUST the betrayed by reading my most recent posts, but I was/am.... on both sides here. It doesn't mean I'm not extreamly hurt and angry now, just because I made the mistake too.... Hopefully thought, it gives me some compassion to both "sides" (I hate the idea of taking sides on this issue..... we are all hurting, no matter what happend).<P>If you would like to email me, please do... I will help you in any way I can. My mind is yours for the picking (what little is left of it these days ). <P>Thoughts & Prayers,<BR>Butterfly<BR>labutterfly68@hotmail.com<P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>

Benna,<P>My goodness. I'm away for a couple of days and I'm all behind on everthing! I'm sorry to see Elixir's thread has grown so much. But, Benna, I'm also sorry that you feel alone on this forum. You're not. I suspect there are a lot more betrayers on this forum who read but don't post, similar to Unforgiven.<P>Please try to remember that there is a lot of good here, mixed in with all the pain and anger. You just have to sift through the bad stuff to find the good stuff, but it's here. Now, I will go read your other thread and see if I have anything to offer. Hang in there. You are important.<P>------------------<BR>Love is meant to heal. Love is meant to renew. Love is meant to oust all fear. Love is meant to harmonize differences. Love is meant to bring us closer to God.

Bren<BR>I'm sorry you didn't think the support you got was what you thought you needed. I was the impending cheater in my situation and everyone one this board has been very helpful to me - even when I ignored their advice. Try to think a little more objectively about what they are telling you. You are right that the majority of people here are the betrayed, but their passion stems from fearing you and your spouse will have to suffer what they have.<BR>I for one am glad for the advice!

Benna -- I am also a betrayer in my marriage but I don't post that much. I feel that I either don't have advice that would be helpful to threads here, or if I do post its the wrong answer to a questions. I also feel that if I do post I will get slammed for what I say or feel. I have reread some of my other posts and realize that people who did respond to my posts were only trying to help. Yes maybe at the time I read the resonse I took it as a slam but it really was only good advice from people who either know how I feel or how my H feels. If you want really good advice read post from people like Sheba, Dazed and Confused, airheart, Chris, LoneStar, TNT, Empty Shell (yes I think my H gives some good advice). These are just a few of the good folks with some great advice around here. Sometimes it just takes reading posts several times to get what people saying and to have that advice not feel like its a slam

it's funny, i feel like there are lots of betrayers, and yes there are times when not too many people respond... but it is so good to read it ALL. maybe you could write to harley and suggest they split the forum between betrayers/betrayed. everyone needs support. but there are moments when it is really hard to be "nice" about it - especially when you are dealing with the anger and pain all the time. i'm too new to know about any fights on the forum, but i thought i'd put in my 2cents.