WOW!! I TOTALY AGREE WITH THIS!! THIS IS WELL-SAID!!!

I agree with you, not a real reason to hold back anything, it's just whats going on in their mind.

Wow, I disappear to work for a little while and now there is all sorts of information to sift through.

First...


I just know. Yes, he has said he is sorry - not necessarily for anything specific, but he has said he is sorry many times.



How can you protect someone from the truth? Doesn't having secrets and unknown personal history create a barrier between us?



I suppose I need to just tape that to my forehead for future usage. It gets very hard to say it that way when emotions are running high. Maybe in those situations I could just keep my mouth shut and keep pointing to my forehead.


I have said all of those things.



I understand that. I will quip with the fact that fear of the unknown is pretty scary. The actions that hurt me have already taken place. I just don't know about them. I know they are there, so I am still hurt. Will it just cause even more pain? Hmmm...I don't know. Pain is pain, right? Maybe I should point to the smiley (or not) face that is the closest to indicating my pain for him, like they do at the emergency room?



I hold the same opinion. Unfortunately, that boundary has been broken several times.


He is working on this. The interim is difficult for me, though.


Very well stated! This is my definition of "facing it".

See what you get for actually having a job to do instead of lurking here all day and night... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />


I believe that we agree that you cannot protect someone from the truth. A BS being less than fully truthful means that they have to continue to compartmentalize which definately leads to barriers in a relationship down the road. I am not an expert at much, but this I know for a fact. Only the truth will heal both sides, nothing short of it is good enough. I had to wait 10 years for the truth. The wait while knowing that something was seriously wrong was just as painful as the truth.


Again, from my personal experience, I would have greatly appreciated all the details and truths to come out at one time. Could I have handled it??? Yes, in hindsight...but I would have been convinced that I could not handle any of it before D-Day. I have found strength where I did not believe that strength existed. The WS should trust us that we have the strength to get through whatever issues there are and if we don't....well they have to pay the consequences. Their choices, not ours.

I should have qualified this a little better. We come back to it in a couple of hours or a couple of days, not weeks or months. MM told me once that time doesn't heal, it just masks the problem. I believe that many if not most WS think that if problems are not address, they will magically evaporate into never never land. For the BS, the unknown and what happens when imagination goes rampant with the unknown is just as bad if not worse than dealing with the the known, regardless of how despictable or disgusting the known really is. Reassure your WS that he must be forthcoming as soon as possible to allow you to complete your healing process and move forward. If he continues to break with the policy of radical honesty, you unfortunately have to question his committment. You have done a great thing by giving him another chance. He can easily blow it by not carrying his part of the load including RH from this point.

nottoday
askme
mimi
suzet

I just wanted to tell you that I really appreciate your advice and input. I learned a lot from the things you said and applied some of them in a conversation with Patriot tonight. I doubt I was perfect at it, but I felt it was a definite improvement on the way I have communicated things to him in the past.

Just wanted to let you all know that your words helped me improve upon that, and that you really helped get me through a bit of a rough day.

Thank you all very, very much for that.