Hey E, I noticed on your signature it says you were briefly separated. Did you ever divorce during the process? Just curious.

I hope you get the information you want. If the OW can go around spouting off that she has a child by your H, the gloves are off IMO. Your poor daughter, she is already at a very vulnerable age. This just goes to show how heartless this OW is. It also goes to show she can't be trusted. PLEASE protect yourself, consult a lawyer on what to do about your assets. I know you said they are affluent, but that can turn on a dime these days.

I hardly ever veiw or post anymore as it has been over 7 yrs since DH's A But, I can certainly understand why you need this info. I don't think that you are doing a nanny, nanny, bboo, boo thing, here. I think you, as a BW are simply trying to put all the peices together, as at first you try and get a name and a face... am I right on?
We are left with so little info at DDay and a quest starts to fill in the missing pieces of our DH's lives THAT WERE KEPT FROM US.

Eibrab,

I think I understand what is going on here. My take on you is that you see your husband being taken by the ow and her husband. That by forcing the issue, and getting the medical information, it takes away their power. Fine.

But, I have to wonder why not get this from your husband? Why is he not telling you everything?

Personally, if I were you, I would be at the laywers so dang quick getting child support in place for my own and tying up finances and such to protect ME and MY children. THEN I would tell him to start participating in this marriage and start talking. He has to understand that just being home does not mean you are all reconciled. Far from it. Either he has the ability to be a man and be totally honest or not. If you are ok with accepting things the way they are, with him, then that is up to you. But I don't think you are.

Read everything on this site, and decide what it is you really want. Be totally honest with yourself. And then decide if this man can or will give it to you.

As for the quip to your child? I hope he felt like crap for putting his own child in that situation. I know that when our children learned the truth they were disgusted with their father, and rightfully so. It may be pretty hard for your daughter to accept any boundaries set by him, so be prepared.

As far as OC and the medical records go. Get what you can. I think it is a way to force the issue.

Excuse me, but I'm 50 years old, had my children raised and was very concerned about the OC and his condition. I was willing to take on helping raise this innocent little sweetheart. Most people thought I was absolutely nuts to care...to even consider reconciliation and raising a special needs child. So, I don't think that I'm one of the "You all are proposing....". Even though reconciliation didn't work for my xWS and I, I still care about our OC and how he's developing. And it's really technically none of my darn business at this point. But when my heart gets attached, it's hard to unattach.

The OW and my xWS still live together..have never married. I get concerned because the OW is so young, self-centered, and short tempered at times. She couldn't be bothered one day to give the OC some type of babyfood because she "had more important things to do!" The "more important things" was talking on the phone. It was easier to prop a bottle in his mouth instead of work on his feeding skills as the doctor had asked. Again, technically it's none of my business, but I don't think an innocent child should have to suffer due to their parent's ignorance and neglect. Obviously it happens.



I guess that I'm confused about what you want from others of us on this site. If you don't want opinions, feedback, suggestions, etc, what can we do to help you feel better about yourself? To help you heal? It's not my intent to add to your burden. None of us need that.

If you want general health information (not medical records)about the OC, that's your business even if no one else were to agree. Are you wanting suggestions about how to get the information? My asking questions about your relationship with your husband is because, from what I can see, he is the only potential legal channel for you to get that information. The law gives no rights to us with regards to WH's and "their" OC. I hate that it's true, because BSs have suffered enough, and pay the price for a situation they had no control over.

If the information is that important to you...and it obviously is, your husband is the one neglecting your need to know. That's why I have brought up concerns about your relationship. Not in criticism so much about you wanting the information, but that he's not willing to follow through on doing anything to get it for you....and you can't. So he is the one that stops you from healing this part of yourself. If he refuses to do it, or gets angry about it when you raise the question, than what choices does that leave you in getting the information you feel is essential to your healing?

Heck, if you wanted to be unlawful, you could conceiveably forge the OW or her husband's signature on a "Release of Medical Information" form, and take a risk that you won't get caught and face legal charges. I am NOT recommending that, but is that the sort of suggestions or feedback you're looking for? Some way to get around the legal restrictions or your husband's refusal to assist in getting the information?

You could ask someone in your community that you trust. You say it's a small town. That people know the OC is your H.'s. Is there someone you could approach, privately, and ask if they've heard anything about the OC's health and wellbeing? A close friend? A pastor? Someone who would respect your confiding in them?

I will step out of this discussion at this point as I don't want to add to your hurt or burdens. You're going through enough as it is. I wish you the best in your healing.

I took a step away for a day, but I appreciate the responses.

I don't think anyone here is mean or "stupid". I truly do not. I give my answers to the best of my ability, and when the same questions keep popping back at me, I cannot change my answer to suit the asker. This is about me and how I feel.

My H and I did divorce for a period of time. I dated no one and was here in the business everyday. At this point in time, I don't think I can brag about the reversal of that knowing what I know now. It might not have even been wise. But I don't offer that "point" up for discussion, please.

No one need step out of a discussion. If I can't answer anyone any differently, then I will not continue to blister my fingertips.

I am grateful to the people on this board, and I am so incredibly ANGRY in my life. I keep it to myself.

I do wonder...and if any of you ladies care to comment, if the OW will use the latest turn of events to seek a "shoulder" from my H because her life is "so hard"... that's how it all started in the beginning.

Knowing my H, I would think he is disgusted with her and has learned a lesson, but she did seem to have an effect on him that I hadn't seen before.

Just being realistically cautious.

Thank you everyone.

Eibrab

I for one am most concerned with you taking care of you at this point. That is why I asked if you are still divorced, if you are you could get CS established. I know some BS's have gotten a separation to establish CS even though they never actually separated. It protects you in case OW decides to go for CS. The OW does not care one itsy bitsy bit if she takes from your family more than she should. The courts don't care if your family suffers, I've seen it time and again on this board.

I think you should know that you are getting "poached" on this thread...there are some folks on here that are taking some pretty cheap shots...if not here, then elsewhere...based on the fact you are a BW with a WH with an OC. E, you have been picked out for some reason, not to be helped, but to be made an example of ("See how crazy the BS's are?") Please don't take it personally, practice saying "Whatever", understand the comments are not meant to be helpful and supportive, but to get their agenda on the table...