Ok, I am not going to lunch after all, so I will post the other part of the story.
About 5 years ago, our 15 year old niece was at church camp. The counselors were talking to the girls about "good touch bad touch" and told them that if someone has touched their private parts, without permission, they need to share their story with a counslor and get help. Afterwards our niece went forward and said that her grandpa has touched her numerous times. this would be WxH's dad.
The camp calls her mom, and the sherriffs department. Her mom (WxH's sister) then comes forward to say "this happened to me to me when I was younger as well. WxH's other sister also comes forward to say that their father molested her numerous times when she was growing up too. typically, it was a hand reaching under the covers while they were sleeping, which generally woke them up....
(I don't want to get into the whole subject of why on earth these two women never came forward before, and also knowlingly left their own children alone with a man who had molested them . they thought he was "over it")
Anyway, the poop hit the fan, the siblings all confronted their dad, and he admited to all of it. he voluntarily turned himself into the sherriff. Over the course of the next year there were numerous counselor appointments, court appearances, etc. the grammpa/WxH's dad ended up in jail for 3 years. WxH was devastated by all this. He says that he had no idea any of this was happening to his sisters while they were growing up, and he says it never happend to him. His dad is a good man, active at church, hard worker, always available to help a friend out. It really came as a shock. The family has been very supportive of their dad. He has never denied any of it, and has tried to do all the right things. He plead guilty, he is still in counseling, he has a support group he attends weekly.
I still wonder how much WxH's possible SA is somehow related to his fathers issues. Certainly this was an issue I tried to discuss with my Ex before and during our D. I would say "You really need to get counseling. We have had a good M, we can recover what is broken, please consider counseling" His response was always "I don't need counseling, I only need OW, she is all I need. My Dad going to jail helped me to realize that life is short. My dad was not happy in his M, and look what happened. He is in jail now. I am not happy in my M, so I need to get out of my M so I won't end up in jail like he did"
Of course that line was a load of crap, but he said it many times - to me, to our boys, to his sisters. he would just say "Dad was not happy, but he stayed with mom, and now he is in jail. I am not happy, so I need to get a new wife, before I end up in jail."
My WxH is recently remarried, to OW#2. After OW#1 dumped him, he got involved with another married woman. She eventually left her H and recently married my Ex. I think it is just a a matter of time until this R also falls apart. I don't really care about that too much other than the effect it will have on my boys.
I also worry about the long term affect that all of this poo poo will have on my boys, and what I can do to help to break the cycle.
I realize these issues are way too big for these boards. I guess I am just finding some comfort in sharing.
