Thought I would start my Plan B thread. Don't really have anything going on right now. Which I guess is good news. Things have been pretty quiet and I suppose I will continue to ride that emotional roller coaster for a while. It's a much calmer roller coaster now though.

I know Plan B is supposed to not focus on WH and that will be a challenge for me. He is gone, yet I still wonder what he is doing. I guess that will change over time.

I believe that WH is now living with Charlie and Sara. I think he moved in last Saturday when I was supposed to stay overnight out of town. I am thinking of e-mailing them to re-iterate my Plan(I won't call it that) and to say that I hope they won't support the A. WH has a way of making the A seem normal and o.k. I just feel like he is going to make me out to be the "bad" guy and they will come to "accept" his R with OW.

I don't know exactly what I will say.... Any suggestions would be appreciated!

Had a good day today. I really didn't think about WH very much. Went out and bought the game Twister & played it tonight with DS!! Played fun music & had a blast.

I expect our state tax return check will be coming in this week......

Kim

Hey Kim,

I think we do have alot in common. I am formerly duncad. I have a DS who is 6 years old also and my husband also has a way of making his A seem normal and making me out to be the bad guy. Some of our mutual friends, more his then mine since he is the sociable one, even hung out with H and OW like it was nothing. I guess that only thing you can say is that you love him and really want to save your marriage.

Oh yes, I have read many of your posts. I was reading yours tonight, but didn't realize you were formerly Duncad. The WS does not like to take blame/responsibility for their actions. It's much easier for them to put it on the BS. I hope that my friends don't condone the A. I don't think they will, but it worries me.

My WH is also the more sociable between the two of us. I am more reserved and shy......Looking back, that was one of the things that I should have been working on before.

Kim

Sara called today b/c WH wanted to know if he could cook DS dinner at the house!!!!!! Said he would be done by 6 PM and would leave something hot on the stove for me.

I told her NO. I said that I had plans at the house & would be home by 5 PM. That WH needed to take DS elsewhere.

Gosh. Do you thing WH is missing the home life just a wee bit?

Here is an e-mail I plan on sending Sara & Charlie tonight:

Sara & Charlie -

Thanks again for all you are doing. I assume that WH is staying there with you and I hope WH shows his appreciation. I just want to reiterate to you that WH has betrayed me and his family by his choice of having an A with OW. Again, I love WH and although the measures I am taking might seem extreme I feel like I am taking necessary steps to SAVE my family and Marriage.

I do not feel comfortable with WH having free reign of the house. He assumes he knows my schedule and plans. I also do not think it is a good idea for him to plan to cook dinner here as he no longer lives here. I am not being harsh, just need him to realize the consequences of his Affair and his continued choices.

I love WH and I pray that he will come to see that he has a wife and son who want him home. I hope you won't tolerate the Affair in your home either. WH has a way of justifying the A and rewriting the history of our M. I hope you will see it as is - a person who is not himself.

Love to you & your family -

Kim

**bumping**

Kim, that is a great start! What about asking Charlie to tell him outright not to come in anymore?

KIM,

I agree. No. Especially if you are in PLAN B.

If he starts doing this, he will want to continue doing it.

As you say, it's part of the consequences of his choices.

Stay strong. You're doing good.

Kim,

good letter. I agree no. Did you make a decision for Halloween.

M 26
H 28
DS 6 yrs old
married 7 yrs
D day 3 Sept 05
Plan A 21 Sept 05

Sending letter tonight with this change:

"I do not feel comfortable with WH having free reign of the house. I would prefer if he not come in at all as I am trying to regain both my mental and physical health. It stresses me out when he comes in the house. He assumes he knows my schedule and plans. I also do not think it is a good idea for him to plan to cook dinner here as he no longer lives here. I am not being harsh, just need him to realize the consequences of his Affair and his continued choices."

Trying: I am going to let WH do the Trick or Treating from 6:30 to 7:00 then he needs to go to where ever it is that he is staying.

Kim

Adding: I would be happy to set out anything for WH that he might need in the garage. He just needs to communicate to you what he needs.

Another note from WH when I Got home. Telling me about a worker who would be coming by to do some things to the outside of the house & WH needed to drop money by for me to give him. Wanted to know when a good time would be. Also wanted to know when our tax refund checks came in.

I am thinking of not even acknowledgeing the notes. I was going to e-mail my intermediary and let her know when he could drop $$ off. But if I respond to this note, he will continue to leave me notes & expect a response.

No Response, right??

Kim

You are exactly right - no response. Otherwise, he will think of a thousand other things to ask you about.

I made the mistake of answering questions, which quickly escalated into relationship talk, and escalating LBs.

He knows what to do in order to communicate with you. Kim, it just makes me ill that he is in the house. Did you send that email to Sara asking him to stay out?

I'm sending it now...

One other thing. He scheduled this worker to be here at 8 AM Saturday morning. Asked me to set out some tools for the worker the night before for him to use on the house. So, he expects me to hang around Saturday morning until the work is done & them pay him???

It is work that needs to be done on the house, but again here WH goes thinking that he knows my schedule.

Kim

Can you leave out the tools and give him the check when he arrives and then leave if you need to leave?

I can, it just irks me that he did this. It was originally work that WH was doing himself. I guess he decided he couldn't finish the job.

I didn't know he was going to hire someone to come finish it up.

Kim

I am beginnning to dislike Sundays. It's kind of been WH's day to get DS. Routine: Go to church. Sara & Charlie take DS after church or eating to WH. I come home to emptiness.

I used to dislike Sundays before b/c this was always one of WH's tiredest days and he needed to catch up on sleep. For me it was always supposed to be time to do things as a family.

Well, I've taken care of the Friday's being bad for me with the "date night" routine with DS. I see that I am either going to have to rotate out Saturday's with Sunday's some of the time so I don't get stuck in the Sunday depression and/or plan something fun just for me on those days.

WH called this morning & left a message on my cell regarding a worker who was supposed to come today(didn't come yesterday for some reason). At lunch today Sara said she had money to give me from WH for the worker. I told her the worker still didn't come today & that she should just give it back to WH. I told her that I really didn't know anything about what the worker was supposed to do anyway & she could just give the $$ back. I told her WH needed to take care of it anyway.

She just looked at me. I said, "Do you think I am being difficult?? You don't have to answer that if you don't want to."

She said, "No, I think you have been more than accomodating."

Me: "This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life."

Sara: " I know. I need to talk to you sometime without the kids around."

Me: "o.k."

SO, now I am wondering what it is that she needs to talk to me about. I have been concerned that WH is way too comfortable staying with them. Is she going to say that she doesn't think my plan is working???? That's what I believe it is going to be about. If it were positive, I think she would have already talked to me. I know if she says something negative that I won't take it seriously though. She doesn't know about MB and how this all works. I know it is going to take some time for this to come about.

It is so hard to leave DS with them on Sundays. DS didn't want me to go. He wanted me to stay. He is beginning to get confused I believe about why Mommy and Daddy arent' together with him at the same time.

He made a card at church for the both of us:

Mom and Dad

I love you Mommy and Daddy.

DS

O.k.,now I'm going to start crying again....

Kim

I am sorry.

but the ws don't see this side of life. unfortunately we do. you can forward it to ws.

my ws is slowly leaving his self created ****** of a life now...and he's not liking it much...although his lake palace will be built by xmas. that will bounce him up again as he'll have a shag-ariffic pad and the girlies around atl will love it!

Peachy -

He's got to do something to make himself feel good, huh? Too bad he can't take it with him when he's long good. What will be his legacy?

"I would have lived my life like there was no tomorrow
For life is really like a gift we've borrowed
I would have not confused
These things I soon will lose
With the everlasting." Geoff Moore and the Distance

I'm trying to find my strength.....

Kim

Kim,

I can feel your pain. My DS also made a card a school last week. Usually he just makes cards for me but last week he did a mommy and daddy I love you card which I know is a result of his dad not being around.

I wish I could give you some good advice, but just know that you are not alone. You do need to find something on Sundays that will take your mind off of things. Sunday used to be our family day as well. My H is out OW right now. I know how you feel. Do something you enjoy, or used to enjoy. Me I am cleaning the house right now. Not something I really enjoy but I have let the cleaning go and know I will feel better once the house is clean again. When I am done cleaning DS and I are going to pick up some halloween candy.

take care and keep your head up!