Hi Kim,

I'd bet the house your mom knows. No need to tell her, she's a mom, and she knows. Your feelings are normal, not to worry. Rereading the books, Surviving an Affair, Private Lies, etc. always helps me. Whenever I think that this is just too easy for him, he has no conscience, etc. I read the books and it puts my mind at ease. Hang tough, they say they all come back at some point. We just never believe it will happen in our situation.

Six is a great age, especially in a little boy. They love us so much. DS is 10 and it was just two years ago when one of the teachers I worked with told me I better find a new boyfriend soon. You see, DS used to come meet me in the classroom every day after school and give me a big hug. His face was all lit up for me. She could see this and knew it wouldn't last forever. I love looking at all the pictures he drew. Mom was always front and center. I also always had a big head. His kindergarten teacher told me that's how they show who is important in their lives. They draw them larger than life. Do you celebrate Christmas? We are going to start decorating this week! We love it and DS can't wait to get the village set up.
Go peek in on your angel faced son sleeping and go to bed basking in the warmth of his unconditional love. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Shattered

Hi Kim,

quote:---------------------------------------------------
My mom was in town, so didn't do too much thinking about the WH, etc. I still have not told my mom what WH has done. She just knows that I had him move out.

I did really good while she was here as far as staying upbeat until Sunday when I knew WH was going to come by to get DS......Mom just hugged me and held me. We cried togther.
-----------------------------------------------------------

It's OK, Kim, let emotions 'be', put some distance, then 'think' about what you want to do about them: sometimes something and sometimes NOTHING. I am reading\learning that emotions are very strange creatures who just want to be 'heard' and 'considered', but are bad at decision-making!

I am reading a book on emotions, and the example used was to think about them like the lights on the car panel that warn us that there is a problem\something needs to be looked after, but what needs to be done? Need oil change, stop, go to the garage, call and get car picked up? The driver will decide.

As you know I also had my mom visit. I enjoyed her visit, we shared a lot, she has been an inspiration in my life - has had tough times and overcame them - but I love my mom very much, so, some energy spent on 'protecting' her a little bit and, like you, did not go into details (we can come here for that - thank goodness!)

This is how it works for me - one of my motivation to 'get through this' and not be a victim, etc. is, of course, because I do care about myself, want to be proud of myself, and do believe I deserve better, but it's also because I don't want to be a 'burden' to those I care about/feel responsibility towards: my boys, my parents, my brother, my friends, etc. Because if I go to pieces, they would be forced to 'pick up' the pieces, and I don't want that - so, I need to be strong, need to find my way, need to find the courage to do what I need to do, all because I have the gift of being surrounded by people I care about. The A was too devastating for me and it has forced me to learn to ask those that I think can, to pick up 'some of the pieces'. I am learning to 'lean on' others, which is not a bad thing.

It maybe different for you, Kim, but it doesn't matter. Try and get to the forefront whatever is important to you and tap into the energy it can provide you with to get through these tough times.

I would guess that many of us, before we could not have imagined getting through the aftermath of an A. Well, we're in it, and we're getting through it somehow.

A thousand hugs to you.

Lunamare - Thanks for encouragement and kind words. I too do really care about myself and I WILL NOT fall to pieces. I just need to invest more in myself.....Do things I like doing & seek out things to enrich my life. I want to feel like I am not just inhabiting space. I want to feel like I am contributing to this world. I have not been feelling that way.....

I have to go to the bank again to meet WH this morning to deposit the Federal Tax check. Oh boy. I made arrangements again with the same banker so it shouldn't be a big deal. WH gets an extra $750 of the money b/c he paid to have the house painted back in May. I didn't know he was getting it done & we didn't discuss how it was going to get paid. He just assumed he would get the money from our tax refund. Oh well.

Now he is going to have extra money to PLAY with. Almost $3,000.....

Kim

((Kim))

Have you painted your bedroom yet??

hi jean - Just got back from the bank. WH got his $$ & everything went smoothly. WH caught a glimpse of me coming in to the bank & that's all. Now he has $$ to support is A even further....Darn it.

Nope, haven't painted yet......I read that you are beginning to like your color more each day!!!




Shattered - DS is always making cards & things for MOM at kindergarten. I worry about him incredibly though. Most of the time I am sadder for him than I am for myself. We do celebrate Chrismas. I usually don't get my stuff out until December though. I plan on doing Christmas as usual this year.

Today is the day I plan on giving Sara the note for WH about staying out of the house. I'm sure WH will say that he won't pay bills. I plan on telling Sara that it's his choice, but he has a child to support and is legally obligated to pay.

He has no excuse right now about bills since he just got a hefty deposit in his account today.

Kim

Didn't see Sara today to give her the note. Tomorrow will have to be the day then....I am still not 100% on this, but am going on the trust of you guys here. I certainly don't want him spending the night in the house when I go out of town for Thanksgiving.

Going to see a well-known kid's show tomorrow with DS, Mom and DS's cousin. Bought a ticket back in September for WH to go too. Sad, that he will be missing out on this. We have gone almost every year as a family for the past 4 years when this group comes here. It's DS's favorite group.

Another thing WH is missing out on. Another thing for DS to wonder, "where's Daddy?" DS already knows WH won't be coming......

Today was a good day. Was nice not to have those feelings I was going through the other day. I have, however, as of yesterday started taking my natural supplement that is supposed to stabilize my emotions. I had been on them since just before D-Day and could really see that they helped me. I stopped taking them sometime after WH moved out. I know I will need some extra stability to get through the holidays.

It's chilly here & have built a fire in the fireplace two days in a row. I absolutely love a fire - so cozy and warming. The glow is mesmerizing.

Sending warm thoughts everyone's way!

Kim

Oh yeah, and I've been praying even more -----

I can do all things through Christ who strenghteneth me.

(((Kim))))
Congratulations on that recognition from your boss. Some of the plan B benefit, concentration. The holidays will be hard for you but...they will also be hard on WH. Keep posting...you're doing great!

Confused - Thanks for the encouragement and for checking in with me. We will get through the holidays. Us BS's will make it, I know we will. I wish you strength too!

Kim

Just to make things clear, I added a sentence to the note I'm dropping off for WH : "I expect the finances to remain the same."

Which means I expect him to continue paying bills. Do you think that is clear enough?

I also said that DS needed him home.

MB's and this sitch creeped into my dreams last night.....

Kim

I'm getting really nervous about dropping that note off. I hope I don't chicken out..........

Don't get 'chicken skin' (that's our pidgin english version of goose bumps). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I just responded to your questoin on Jean's thread about what to say to a 6 year old.

take care,
L.

Thanks Orchid! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Kim, are you ok? What did you decide to do?

Geez. I feel like such a dunce. I drove over to Sara's this morning b/c I had to pick up concert tickets. I was running late & had to get back home before my Mom arrived. I had the packet for WH in the car w/me - my intentions were to drop it off with the note. Well, I ran in & got the tickets & forgot to take in the packet.....I was out of their subdivision before I realized I hadn't left it.

I will see them at church tomorrow so I will give it to them then. I am still nervous about giving it to them, but really do not feel like WH is going to hit rock bottom until he's not allowed to come in the house.

I got some pics developed from a trip the 3 of us took as a family at the end of July. Looking at them tonight, WH seemed like a stranger in most of the pics. I haven't seen him in so long. He was not someone I could imagine letting back in my life again as long as he is a WH.

Which led me to start thinking about what I might like to do 6 months from now if WH is still a WH. DS will be finishing up with kindergarten. I am strongly considering a move during the summer to my hometown. I don't want to put my life on hold forever and ultimately, if things work out I'd like to work in the family business. I could feel otherwise tomorrow, but I feel strongly about it tonight.

I have a strong desire to protect DS, provide for him like he should be and make sure he is surrounded by people who love him. The move would help me do all of that. I know WH is his Dad, but I have a strong need to protect DS from him.

I'd like my own place, somewhere not filled with memories of that last 6 months. I don't know if I'll follow through with these thoughts or not.

Kim

O.k. Gave a packet of stuff to Sara after Church for WH. Included the note about not coming into the house. Not sure if he got it yet or not. Will see what happens with that.

WH did tick me off today though. He was supposed to pick up DS today around 1:30. 1:30 came and went.....So at 2 PM I called Sara to see if she had heard from WH. She said he wasn't at her house when they got home from church so she figured he was on his way.....She was at Bible Study so she called him on her cell. WH said he tried calling her at home to say he got tied up at work this morning & was running late.

She asked him why he didn't call her on her cell?????? He said he didn't think about it. She was a bit ticked.

So he told her he was showering & would be by my house in 30 minutes. At first I said O.k., but I did have something I had planned. I called her back & told her that I had to go somewhere & that WH could come over for DS in an hour and 1/2. That what he did was disrepectful & I had to go out and do something. I told her that what he said was a bunch of baloney.

Not bothering to call. That's not going to fly with me. I almost cancelled their day altogether.

Sara had told me after church that she didn't know where I was getting my stamina from. I told her that I had a lot of support and that I really believed in what I was doing. She said that WH frustrated her. Said that he was just fumbling around and didn't really have a plan. I reminded her that he had trouble with decision making. She said that change of plans, her family was coming here for thanksgiving. WH told her that he would get a hotel room for that time.(SINCE HE CAN AFFORD IT, JUST GOT SOME PLAY MONEY FROM TAX REFUND.....Wonder how fast he will burn through it??)

Next time WH is late, I don't think I will call Sara. I will just leave the house & not be home.

Is this evil? I am behaving in a "I'll show you" manner. He needs to know that he can't do that.

My bet is that he & OW were what he got "caught up at work with." SICKENING.

Finally picked up the paint for my bedroom today!!!

Kim

You really do have alot of stamina. Once you make up your mind to do something, you don't waver. I greatly admire that.

I do think that next time you should just leave if he doesn't show up on time. Give him 30 minutes and then leave. That irks me enormously that he would do that to your boy.

Are you going to change the locks, Kim? I honestly think you are going to have to if you intend on showing him that you are serious about this. It would not be good for him to defy your request by coming in the house. He might do that just to show that HE is in control. And I fear that he has had that feeling just because he is able to come in the house at will. I am also quite leery about you leaving your house open to him at Thanksgiving. That would give him an opportunity to come in and bring the OW. And believe me, if you think he wouldn't do that, think again.

Are you painting the bedroom yourself?? You can hire a painter to do that for $200!!

Kim,

I know what you mean. Usually Christmas is my most favorvite time of the year. This year I don't even know the holidays are here. When I go to stores and see the decorations I think its weird because It doesn't feel like the holidays to me and then I get sad about it.

Enjoy the holidays as much as you can, enjoy DS and snuggling in front of the fireplace with him. Surround yourself with your mom and other family members. Look at this way, if you can get through the holidays you can get through anything.

Good idea about taking the supplement. I started taking an antidepressant a couple weeks ago. That along with the changes I have been making has really helped to control my emotions.

WH bringing OW into this house while I'm gone is one of my biggest fears. I have no idea how OW and OWH are doing, what is going on with their holiday.....

Here is my plan since I have not changed out the locks. And I haven't decided if I am going to do this tonight or tomorrow. We have an Alarm system for our house. I plan on calling the monitoring company & changing both the code to turn on/turn off the alarm as well as our secret passcode that the monitoring company asks us for in case we accidentally set off the alarm. When I leave for Thanksgiving, I will turn on the alarms.

I just have to let Sara know that I have done this so she can relay to WH. If he comes in, it will set off the alarm, he won't know how to turn it off and the police will show up.

I don't think he wants that to happen.

I don't know if I will immediately put that into effect or wait until Wednesday......



Trying - Some days the upcoming Holidays get to me and some they do not. I do plan on surrounding myself with family and just making the best of it. My sis & I have plans of making a special Pear dessert that I normally bring every year and then I think I am going to bring construction paper, crayons, etc. for everyone to make a huge Thankful Chain.

Plus I am going to continue taking my supplements!! That should help get through the first Holiday!!

It's sad that WH is going to be spending his in a hotel room. It is his choice though.

Trying, we can make it through.....I think I am just going to jump in full force into the holiday spirit. Just do it!! Thanks for your posts

Kim

Gosh Kim - You are too sweet. Since you have requested that he not come to the house, I think I would just assume that he will honor your request. Then go ahead and change the code to the alarm.