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Charlie:"If WH comes home, he doesn't want to feel like he his "grounded"(he needs to get to go out and play at Open Mic if he wants to)."
"If WH comes home you need to be ready to forgive him and to trust him." bull hockey! IF WH comes home, he needs to have a PLAN for recovering the marriage. IF WH comes home, he needs to have a plan to prove his committment and honesty and be accountable for his time. It does NOT sound like he is at this point yet. Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
~ Kinky Friedman
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Charlie said that he has had several talks with WH and with the last talk was quite stern with him. Told WH that he wasn't the catch he thought he was. That he didn't have anything to offer OW or anybody else right now. He got that right! Charlie:"If WH comes home, he doesn't want to feel like he his "grounded"(he needs to get to go out and play at Open Mic if he wants to)." "If WH comes home you need to be ready to forgive him and to trust him." In other words, WH wants to come home on his conditions and wants you to pretend like nothing happened. What he doesn't know is that Kim has changed and Kim isn't accepting his paultry crumbs anymore. Sit tight Kim and you will get what you want. So, I guess I'm sitting tight for a while longer. WH knows he is going to be miserable on Christmas Day. Yes, he needs to feel miserable on Christmas Day. His downward spiral has just begun. I'm so proud of you Kim. I know this isn't easy but you are very strong. Keep your chin up! Oh yeah, one more thing. Keep in mind that Charlie and Sara are probably sick of WH as well and would like nothing more than for him to get his sorry butt home so they can have their lives back as well. So keep Charlie's comments in perspective. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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Not try to explain how MB works, just tell him my requirements.
I'll send to both Charlie & Sara..... EXACTAMUNDO!! You don't have to explain yourself, like you said. You just have to state your expectations. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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[
In other words, WH wants to come home on his conditions and wants you to pretend like nothing happened. Yep! And he thinks he is in a position to negotiate. He doesn't quite believe yet that those days are over and Kim will not forfeit her leverage for his crumbs. I think what is happening here is that Plan B is working and he is starting to FREAK OUT. He wants to break Plan B in order to ease his pain. But he doesn't want to have to do anything, such as a) demonstrate that he has ended contact with OW or b) demonstrate his sincerity in committing to his marriage. He just wants it HANDED to him for the sole reason that he wants. Well, sorry, just wanting his pain eased isn't enough.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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IF WH comes home, he needs to have a plan to prove his committment and honesty and be accountable for his time. Susan, so right on. He is obviously still fogged out. This is all on WH right now. What is his plan? He doesn't have one! Oh yeah, one more thing. Keep in mind that Charlie and Sara are probably sick of WH as well and would like nothing more than for him to get his sorry butt home so they can have their lives back as well. So keep Charlie's comments in perspective. Shattered - I know that Sara was definitely fed up. And since they have company in town, WH is "house sitting" for someone. All alone. It sounds like WH won't be moving back to Sara & Charlie's even after the holidays. Thanks for the encouragement! I don't NEED WH. I can survive without him. I do want my H in my life again, do love him, but am my own person and will not settle for crumbs. I feel like throwing a party!! I just feel good right now! Anybody want to come?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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Count me in!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He just wants it HANDED to him for the sole reason that he wants. Well, sorry, just wanting his pain eased isn't enough. The Old Kim might have done that. He is going to have to work a bit. Thinks he can ask me out on date & I'll be putty in his hands.....Nope. My mind's made up & once I make a decision I stick to it. Sorry. Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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What's your pleasure?? I'm having coffee right now with tasty Hazelnut creamer....but something more festive might be in order! Cold brew? A nice Rita? A nice cold soda in a Frosty Mug??
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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Kim - Hang in there. You are really still quite early in Plan B. I didn't get results for 4 months, and even then WH was still not getting it.
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I feel like throwing a party!! I just feel good right now! Anybody want to come?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I'll be there with bells on! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
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He just wants it HANDED to him for the sole reason that he wants. Well, sorry, just wanting his pain eased isn't enough. The Old Kim might have done that. He is going to have to work a bit. Thinks he can ask me out on date & I'll be putty in his hands.....Nope. My mind's made up & once I make a decision I stick to it. Sorry. Kim hehehee, this be true. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> As poor Lemonman found out to his crow eating chagrin!! I tried to warn him when he said he doubted you that once you made a decision that was it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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It sounds like WH won't be moving back to Sara & Charlie's even after the holidays. hummmmm Could THIS be why he is thinking about coming home? Susan
Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
~ Kinky Friedman
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Susan, he is also desperate to get some money out of their home equity with a refi. This was on the list of "subjects" he had to discuss with Kim. THAT, and that he didn't want to feel "grounded." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Oh, yeah - where is LemonMan. He chirped in the other night....
Charlie did make it a point to say that he needed to know from WH if he was doing all of this during the holidays so he wouldn't be alone. WH said No. That he was sincere and serious. And that he was prepared to be miserable on Christmas Day.
Susan - Where WH is staying now is VERY inconvenient for him distance wise to both work & getting here to see DS. That could possibly be a factor in this....
Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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Charlie did make it a point to say that he needed to know from WH if he was doing all of this during the holidays so he wouldn't be alone. WH said No. That he was sincere and serious. What exactly is he serious about? What is his goal? Is it to repair your marriage? Does Charlie really thing that WS would have answered "no, I am not serious and sincere." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Good point MelodyLane. I don't know what WH's goal is. Right now, it only appears to be to benefit his needs.
Are you all set for traveling tomorrow?? Hope you have a safe trip.
Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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Thanks, Kim! Yes, I am all packed and ready to leave at 6:00 am. I am taking my laptop, though, so will check in from time to time.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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WOW! Early departure. You better go get some shut-eye!
Happy Holidays & thanks for your help ---
Will post here if there's any "action"!!
Good night everyone!!
Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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Morning Kimberly! Please read Ark's post here ----> Ark hates No Contact letters Mel ~ be safe! Merry Christmas! Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
~ Kinky Friedman
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Ark is wrong. Oh my gosh, did I say that with my outloud voice?
I've noticed over and over that instead of just sending a no contact letter and laughing about it and having contact, most WS's who are not serious REFUSE to send one. For me, it is the litmus test of how much they want to work on the marriage.
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