Hi Kim,

I hope you and DS had a great holiday with your family.

It sounds like your WH is trying to over step the boundaries of plan B by calling and leaving messages making excuses that he doesn't want to bother Sara. But the conditions were that he is not to do this unless NC letter is done. Maybe he does need a reminder.

It does look like a good sign that he is looking for another job away from OW, but until done, it's just words.

Hoping for the best for you Kim.

Lady

Hi Kim,

quote:------------------------------------------------
I don't know this man anymore. I don't know if I can repsect him again. It makes me cry realizing this. Maybe it is the holiday stuff that is making me sad, I don't know.

Maybe it is the longing for my family back.... but I'm afraid that my feelings are changing......

IF the H ever shows up again, I hope that love for him resurfaces. I hope that I have protected it away enough

I want to shake him and say "Make a decision, you spineless WH. Be a Man. Take charge of your life. Be the leader in this family for a change."
-----------------------------------------------------------

Took the words right out of my mouth....

Can't say we weren't warned about the....holiday season....triggers back to back!

Just an update. Not too much going on -

Received a call yesterday from a mutual friend of mine and WH's - Our friend saw WH at the gym yesterday morning & just found out that he & I were "apart" as she put it. She asked me for how long?? I told her when & she offered her "ear" if I ever needed anyone to talk with. She said that WH looked so sad. I told her that WH had made some awful choices and that's why I asked him to move out. I told her that I wanted it to work out, but WH was going to have to make some major changes.

She repeated again how sad WH looked and that he appeared to be doing some major soul searching. Maybe I should have exposed him more & told her exactly what he did. She just caught me off gaurd with her phone call & I started to cry on the phone. I told her I was doing much better than I sounded at the moment - I was more at peace with WH gone and that I have been doing a lot of personal growing over the past couple of months.

Taking down my Christmas decorations today --- that's always my least favorite thing to do after the holidays. Not emotional or anything, just a task I'd rather skip!!

I have found a good website to help with creating a budget & am planning on getting myself organized. I have really not ever had EVERYTHING down in writing before & am excited to learn how to be more responsible that way - it's www.foxway.com. If anyone else has other site suggestions, feel free to pass along!!

I have had a pretty positive attitude lately(except for when Sara told me about WH ambushing OW on her route on Christmas Day). Many times I feel like I am perfectly fine with the way things are right now. Is there something wrong with me??

Kim

[color:"red"]Happy New Year Kim!! [/color]

Hey, let me ask you a question. Why didn't you tell that lady what was going on with your WH? I am curious, because I tell everyone who asked exactly why my WH left, and I don't pretty it up at all. I wonder if that makes me spiteful and petty or just - something else. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

On another thread, you said that you weren't missing WH as much as other people around here. I know that feeling, I think I am afraid to admit how little I miss him, because that would make him right to have left.

I still analyze and dissect everything, but I am just obsessing - not pining for him. I have just figured out there are some things I won't ever understand, Stonehenge, crop circles and my WH's affair. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Sounds like you are doing well. You have a great plan for the New Year for you and DS. Happy 2006!

LOL!! I think you just nailed it on the head!

I just want to chime in that the not missing him part IMHO is healthy. When the real man shows up we can start missing him.

Happy New Year!

Partly b/cause she caught me off guard. In hindsight I should have come right out and told her. I think she got the idea when I said that WH had made some awful choices & I told him to move out. Part of me is embarrassed to share the info.......I somehow feel like it makes me inadequate as a wife. I should be past that by now, but sometimes I still feel that way. I don't think it makes you spiteful, I have always been very conservative with the exposure thing. Exposing was/is very hard for me still.

My mood has swung from great to awful. Called Sara to talk about the schedule for DS this week since he is out of school Monday & Tuesday. My office is closed Monday so I wanted to see if WH wanted to pick up DS from the sitters on Tuesday morning and after school Thursday. Charlie call back & said that WH quit his job Saturday, DIDN"T I KNOW? Well NO, I didn't know as I am not speaking with him. DUH. And that WH went to visit a friend in South Carolina. Well, no he didn't b/cause he picked up DS today.

Charlie said "Oh." I thought he was going out of town for the week.

So, I told Charlie that if WH was going out of town that I needed to know so I could arrange DS's schedule. WOULD BE NICE TO LET ME KNOW AHEAD OF TIME!~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Granted, I am not copping an attitude with Charlie - all of this is me fuming after the call. So Charlie is calling WH right now to see if he can do Tuesday. Otherwise DS goes to work with me all day. Which is fine b/cause I took him one day last week & he was perfectly happy.

I AM JUST VENTING HERE, BUT ISN'T IT JUST LIKE THE WH TO MAKE PLANS TO GO OUT OF TOWN AND NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT DS? or my plans(which of this I am not surprised).

So, WH is not working at all anywhere this week. I don't know why I am so upset. I just had one of those deep crying moments where you make noises that you aren't accustomed to hearing.

I was having such a nice day.

I never called Sara back about WH"s questions on the refi. I have written out what I am going to say when it comes up again(ML's words). I am not going to initiate any conversations about the refi. It is out. No deal.

Right now, I truly feel like throwing in the towel & moving. Let WH wallow in his wonderful choices and decisions. Let him be "happy" pursuing a woman who is not even 1/3 of the woman I am.

Am I a bit mad, upset and bitter right now? Yep.

Kim

((((Kim))))) just seemed like you need a hug.

Thanks so much. I know to expect these emotional set backs now & again, but when they hit THEY REALLY HIT.

I am going to try to pick myself up and look happy - DS is due home in the next 15 minutes or so.

No call back yet from Charlie regarding next week. He was going to all WH and then call me back.

{{{{Kim}}}}
I know exactly what you mean about those crying sounds. It's like an out of body experience. We all know we will have our breakdowns now and again but that doesn't make them any easier to handle when they strike. I am sorry that your WH is not opening his eyes to what is right in front of him. No matter what, don't you forget your own words. You are a woman of integrity and respect and that OW is not even in the same ballpark. I don't know what your husband is up to but he will hit bottom soon. Things are not going his way. Take care Kim.
S.

Hi Kim,

quote:----------------------------------------------------
but when they hit THEY REALLY HIT.
----------------------------------------------------------

......know the feeling....

Take care.

Still trying to compose myself emotionally after Sunday. Maybe I am tired(but also could have to do with PMS. Fun.)

I put the presents DS came home with from mystery gifter in the garage. I guess I should explain to DS why they are down there.

WH is staying in town this week & picked up DS from neighbor today. The deal has been that he is to drop DS off between 6:30 and 7 PM. I am still driving home from work at 6 PM and receive a voice mail. This was odd b/c my phone didn't even ring.

I listen to the voice mail and it is WH. He says he is sitting in the driveway with DS & wants to know where I am. Just curious as to how close I was to getting home. Of course, I don't return his call. I decided to pull into a parking lot near the house and sit there til 6:25 PM.

Let him wonder where I was. Let him wonder....

So, I pull into the neighborhood at 6:27. WH and DS are standing by the mailbox. I don't pull close, just park the car & wait for him to leave.

I am planning on doing things for ME this year. I want WH to really believe I am moving on without him. I want him to wonder what I am up to. Start to worry that he might really lose me(which he just might). Not that I am planning on dating. I just want to do things that show I am just hunky dory.

Plant new flowers by the mailbox. Get new edging to the area in the front of the house. A nice new plant on our front stoop. Coming home right at drop off time instead of being home in plenty of time.

Take some clasess, improve my appearance. Dress nicely(not that he will see me, but DS might say "Mommy looked pretty today. She's dressed really fancy."

WH took DS to the Zoo today. Took him to the World of Coca Cola last week. Doesn't sound to me like a man who is having financial issues. Doesn't sound like a man who needs desperately to refinance. Eating out, etc.

I am taking some budgeting classes already(just some simple on-line things)!!

WH starts new job next Monday. 8 to 5. He told DS today that he wouln't be able to pick him up after school 2 days a week like he has been b/c of his new job. I know DS will miss that.

Kim

You'd just have to know how my brain works when I'm tired - when I read about the "mystery gifter" I saw the words "mystery grifter". Thought you could use the chuckle since your WH is so adamant about getting refinancing - he's been grifted.

I'm lost.(and tired too) What's a grifter? Help me KaylaAndy.

dictionary definition:
Grift:
1. Money made dishonestly, as in a swindle.
2. A swindle or confidence game.


v. grift·ed, grift·ing, grifts
v. intr.
To engage in swindling or cheating.
v. tr.
To obtain by swindling or cheating.

[Perhaps alteration of graft2.]grifter n.

grifter

n : a person who swindles you by means of deception or fraud

What do you think? freudian slip on my eyes? or did you mean "mystery grifter"?

Oh!!!!!!!!!!!! I could not find it in my dictionary!!

OH MY!! I surely must have meant "mystery grifter"!!!!! I've got a grifter on my hands! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Hey Kim! I was at a football game Sunday and missed your post. Sorry you were having a bad day. Good job on staying dark. Any ideas on why WH left his job?

How is your DS doing? Is WH's absence getting easier on DS?

Maybe you should start tanning too, then you can pull in at 6:31 all wind blown and tan.

ML - What were you doing at a football game??!!! Did somebody have a gun to your head? I think that WH left his job for a few reasons, not sure which is the strongest -

1 - Sara really let him have it about him being a "quitter" & how he was choosing to stay at this worthless job that didn't offer any family time, etc. etc.

2 - The job really does suck and the hours are AWFUL.

3 - He's not going to get any type of promotions there due to his A.

4 - He was told this was one of the requirements for us working things out.(this is the weakest of the reasons, but I still hold out hope that he is doing this to show he is trying to break things off with OW)

I am really praying for a sign that I need to continue holding out hope!

Jean - DS is getting used to a "routine" also. He still makes comments about how he wishes daddy was here. I just hug him & tell him that I wished that too. That I love his Daddy very much.

Tan & happy! Really make WH wonder!! Maybe I should join a gym!!!

Kim

Kim, I had to take customers to a football game! YUCK!! But I love socializing at the games so I did enjoy it. We get to use my company's suite so it's not like I am sitting there held hostage in a bench seat. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I wish I could get a feel for where your WS' head is at. See, I think he is still chasing the OW and I can't figure out why since he can't be getting more than the occasional scrap. Could he be holding out hope that she will leave her H? Maybe he is enthralled with the chase? Because surely he can't rationally believe there is a future here? Does he like the secrecy?

I don't know what to think. But I do get the sense that he is still hiding ALOT - frm Sara and Charlie now, instead of you. I feel great relief on your behalf that you are not having to watch this up close.

Glad you had a good time at the game!

I wish I knew where his head was too. For all I know he is getting this new job to try & "impress" OW. I do not ask Sara or Charlie for info about WH so anything I get about him is brought up by either of them.(or from DS)

Today I received two phone calls from WH. Both times he left voicemails. The first one I figure was to talk to DS, it was this morning at about the time I get him on the bus. WH expects me to call him every morning so he can talk to DS. I do try, but the mornings are so hectic & I am doing a thousand things to get me ready & DS out the door.

The second call was around 11 AM. I have no idea what this one was for. I have not listened to either & I plan on deleting them w/out listening. I figure the second one is probably about refinancing. I just don't need to hear that AGAIN.

Kim