I hope I did do the right thing. I don't want to become manipulative and appear like I am using DS as a "pawn".

Well, what's done is done.

I hope to hear back from BIL before WH's next visitation on Sunday. I know that schedule should be effected by work so I am expecting him at 2 PM. I would like to be able to give WH the Plan B letter again then.

My last words with Charlie were "Well, please call me when you hear back from WH."

Kim

Something just hit me - I wonder what WH thinks of DS's choice to get in the car with me instead of him today? I wonder if it just hit him like a bag of rocks --- My son is growing apart from me.

I called WH's mom a bit ago. Wanted to tell her that he picked out a gift with the money that they sent for Christmas. She said that she continues to tell WH that she doesn't support what he's doing.

I told her that I was continuing to hang in there & protect my love for him. I mentioned that WH & OW met for dinner not to long ago(EXPOSE).

Finished the conversation with a few cute stories about DS & told her I appreciated her support.

I need to get myself mentally back into Plan B. I know this is way too much thinking about WH. I know things will calm down as soon as a new intermediary is appointed and DS's scheduling is worked out. I won't have to listen to anybody's babble about WH.

Kim

After a "frenzical" 3 days, I am so ready to settle back down into Plan B.

My new intermediary lasted all of 5 hours or so. He e-mailed to say that he would do what he could, he was both of our friends but WH has asked him to NOT be the go-between. He is WH's best friend. It's probably better that way anyway.

He did help arrange a new schedule, which I need to ask for a couple of modifications on. Hopefully he will be kind enough to do that.

So in the meantime I am out a go-between. For now will try to get the word through the best friend that WH is ONLY to contact me in case of an emergency only.

I think that my intermediary read off my e-mail to him......Oh well. I hope I wasn't harsh. I was rereading my note to WH too. I said "The letter outlines the conditions in which I am to be contacted. Get rid of OW, your Affair is keeping us apart."

That's not harsh either right? Straight to the point.

I haven't mailed copies of this to OW or OWH yet - Plan on getting them out in the mail.

That will get WH mad again. Hey, she contacts my H, I contact hers. Sounds fair enough to me.

Am I getting mean? I hope not. I don't want to turn bitter or vindictive....

Kim

I think you are sounding STRONG AND FIRM AND SANE. Not bitter or vindictive. And I wish I could give you a BIG HUG!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Mel!!! I'll take a cyber-hug for now! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

On with the Plan! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Kim

(((kim))))

Inform the OW's H but not the OW. No more communication with any OW. You've already made your point.

Fair is fair in regards to contacting OW's H.

Sending {{{hugz}}} from the middle of the big blue.

Aloha,
L.

(((hugs))) from me too, Kim!

Hey {{{Kim}}},

You are doing great! I love how these WS's lose control over us, it drives them mad! And you are so right about DS blowing WH off. "No thanks, maybe another night." Hit him right where it hurts. Of course he'll blame you but you know better. I remember this same thing with my DS and WH. When he first took off he wouldn't call DS when he said he would and he'd disappear for a week or more. DS did the same thing to him. Just a casual "no thanks, don't want to". WH was mad and said "You're turning him against me". I said "No, you're doing that all by yourself."

How is your DS feeling? I'm going to bed. I'm starting to feel like maybe I'm getting sick.

Take care Kim.
S.

Hi Kim,

Just dropping by to let you know that I read you and support you in keeping up the good work!

quote:---------------------------------------------------
"Hi Daddy" "I want to go with mommy today.
---------------------------------------------------------

....kids catch on quicker than BSs about the difference between S and WS.....and their message comes out loud and clear... hope your S was listening......

....my S10's way of showing that he doesn't appreciate the 'situation' WS's choices have put him in is with very direct means.....during the summer, he gave WS a 'report card' on how he was doing as a dad.... he got some 'not so hot' grades.... and these days S10's in no uncertain terms let's me (and most likely WS) know that his 'calculations' have gotten him to realize that 'Hey, mom...so this way... I only get to see you six months out of the year?'.... if ever S got to hear this, can't make him feel very good (WS on the other hand 'rationalizes' it with.... 'he'll adjust')

...I say.... like you are doing, 'straight to the point' is the only way to communicate with WSs.....

quote:---------------------------------------------------
After a "frenzical" 3 days, I am so ready to settle back down into Plan B.
---------------------------------------------------------

Hard to believe, KIM, how one day as a BS, we would actually learn to 'appreciate' PLAN B? ....but it really is the only way to go to remove us from the choas and drama of dealing with a WS....

HUGS.




HUGS.

Hi Kim just dropped by to say 'hey. Whats going on? Did you find a new intermediary?

Confused - thanks for stopping in & for the hug!

Orchid - I have yet to mail out the letters. Was thinking of not doing it all......I don't know. From what I hear, OW is is the type of person who would get my letter read that part that says "Get rid of OW." and see that as a huge challenge.

Thanks to you too for the hug from far away!

Shattered - Hope you didn't get sick too! I was sick Sunday and then I heard from the neighbor that keeps DS that WH was sick Monday night into Tuesday. Guess WH picked up the bug from DS on Sunday!! I hated putting DS in that position the other day ....... I really do hope it hit WH HARD.

Luna - Thanks for checking in on me - I still have not told DS about WH's girlfriend. I have almost told him on several occasions. I am just not ready to go there...

Thank goodness for Plan B!

Confused - WH's best friend helped to arrange a new visitation schedule based around his new job. But for the time being, I am really out of a mediator.

I really don't need anything from WH right now besides getting that worked out so perhaps I can go without one for a while.

WH seems to not be able to remember when it's his turn to pay the neighbor for watching DS. She's not comfortable in asking him, so I am going to write her a check tomorrow. WH picks up mail in a packet I send out with DS on Sundays so I will have to start including a "bill" for him as a reminder.

With that said, I have been having some crazy thoughts the past couple of days. The crazy thought is this: Meeting OWH for coffee or drinks or something. Not for the purposes of exchanging info and not b/c I am lonely. The reason is wrong - My thoughts were this - If WH HATES OWH so much and is so protective of OW with him, how would he feel if he knew I was "socializing" with OWH????

Am I trying to make WH jealous? No, I don't think so. I know this is wrong, but it is rolling around in my head. Not so strong today as a day or two ago though.

Perhaps it's a result of the crazy weekend and being a bit stressed out.

That would really freak WH out though.

Now, back to my regular Plan B. WH is now blocked out of my brain.

Kim

KIM:

PERFECTLY NORMAL FEELINGS. PERFECTLY HUMAN FEELINGS.

NO reason to say more. Having a crazy thought is NOT the same thing as doing a crazy thing. This speaks of desperation, and loneliness will do that.

You know this, we know this. No need to beat this to death.

We know you know better. Validate the feelings, and then discard them to the proper trash bin.

Been there done that... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Lem

Thanks Lem - exposed. validated. discarded. Good Therapy.

'Preciate it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

K

Hi Kim, your plan B sounds bumpy.....mine is 3rd attempt is fixing to be 4 days old and is going strangley smooth.

Before I was transfixed on the drama....I thrived on my WH freaking out, now it's just annoying, and I'm going to have to agree the less you know the better about their comings and goings the better. I don't know a thing about what my WH's has been up to, and I'm finally okay with that...it feels great!

I was definitely ready this time, and so far so good.

Hope you're doing well.

God Bless,

-Caren

I think I'm going to get this tattooed backwards on my forehead so I can see it every time I look in the mirror! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

WH is about to be 15 minutes late picking up DS. I don't plan on staying here 1 minute past that time.

ARGH.

He has NO excuse for being late.

Kim

Lucky him. He showed up as I was getting DS's jacket on to leave.

I can't deny that I am wondering what made him late.

I'm out to have some ME time -

Kim

Went out to do some more shopping with the gift card WH gave me for Christmas. I go out with good intentions, but get frustrated b/c I can never find anything!! Nothing fits! Finally found a top I liked to go with a pair of pants I purchased a couple of weeks ago. Now I need shoes & a jacket.

Has anyone ever noticed the music they play in the department stores? It's so depressing. It was awful.

Went by Home Depot to get one more container of paint....I almost SOOO close to being finished painting the bedroom. I have an urge to clean all of WH's stuff from the drawers and get rid of one of the dressers that's in the room. I have it forever - since I graduated from college!!!!!!!

Was tempted to stop in a restaraunt on my way back home to have a Margarita. Resisted the urge and came home. Ended up eating quite a bit of chocolate instead. I have never been a huge chocolate eater, but have so much around the house from Christmas & it seems to "perk" me up!!

Today's sermon was about prayer - The "blue" kind of prayer. The kind where you are broken & down, down, down. Psalm 13. Very touching today. DS sat with me in Church today. After we knelt on the prayer bench & lit a candle. DS wanted to light a candle too. I told him that I said a prayer before I lit mine, I prayed for Daddy to come home. I asked him what his prayer was for - he said the same thing.

How long can I wait for WH? How strong is my love for him?

Kim

Just updating here -

Have felt really good the past couple of days ---- Letting go really does help. Picked up a book at the library last night & am looking forward to doing some good reading.

DS & I were at each other yesterday. Could have been that neither of us got enough sleep the night before.

WH continues to send notes up, there was some confusion with the check for the sitter. He sent one up Tuesday with DS, but if fell on the floor and it got lost. I found it tonight. So WH only now owes me for part of the gas bill.

WH wanted to know about insurance. After he is at his job 90 days he gets it at his new job. DS would be $45 every two weeks to be added on for Dental(I think it's just Dental). I pay for his health insurance where I work($275 every month.) DS needs dental, so I guess I'll send a note for WH to add him on.

My only concern is that he might try to use that as refi leverage somehow......won't work with me though.

WH also asked me to call him about taxes. I'll just get everything together that I can find and send it to him with DS.

Refi still comes up in every note. It just rolls off my back now. I will be sending a note on Sunday about all of that. It should end the refi notes from WH.

Life is o.k right now. I have really felt myself gathering strength and calmness the past few days.

Hey, I got a "prayer rug" in the mail today from a Church. One side has Jesus' face on it & you kneel down and say a prayer. Then on a sheet of paper, you mark off what you would like for the Church to pray about for you and your prayers will be answered. You put the prayer rug in your Bible at a verse that they list. Tomorrow I am supposed to mail the prayer rug back with my prayer request.

I am sure everyone here knows what I prayed for.

Kim