I feel like I am ping ponging my way through the 5 stages of grieving. Acceptance, anger, denial, bargaining, depression...I can feel all those in a short time frame. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I am trying to find ways to soothe myself but sometimes I fail. My WH got an earful of it this morning simply because I wanted him to feel as bad as I do. Not very productive. Last night I took the dog on a long, long walk and then went to bed. Much better.

I am feeling overwhelmed. I can't focus, can't even read or watch TV because my mind jumps around. I find myself so angry at those that have enabled my WH's A.

Sorry for the vent. Just needed to get it out.

[[[[[[[[[[[[[ff]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{FF}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Faithfull Follower,
I am with you on this one. I know just what you mean, although I have not reached the anger stage. My marriage is way to fragile to handle that emotion yet. Maybe it will be down the line.

I remember my husband telling me how one of his old friends wife had an emotional breakdown, sold their house and left his friend.
Later the story came out that his good friend had been having an affair, and now I understood why his wife had the breakdown. Its all those crazy rollercoaster rides she had to endure. It is enough to send a sane woman over the edge.
By the way,
The couple I talked about have since reconciled and are happily living in another town now.

Move over to the right, FF I'm right in the seat next to you on this crazy rollercoaster. ...............Here we go agaaaiiiinnnnnnn..................

FF, I hope it's not an epidemic, because I did the same thing to my H this morning. I just want the pain and anger over with! In fact I told him" why don't you take your buddies to MC, you guys are the one that all need it!" I don't feel comfy with him any more. It's a terrible feeling when you lose that holy bond with a spouse. I only hope we get it back!

Hugs and Prayers, Lady

Faith, so sorry you are hurting. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

((((((FAITH))))))

ff, many cyberhugs here for you. You are always one to jump on threads of those hurting and offer a shoulder and a hug! You have been there for me, how can I be there for you? Is there anything I can do? Do you just want to vent, cause I hear you!!

I went on Annes thread this morning (I don't know why, I stay away from newbies alot, cause I feel that I don't have anything to offer - no mind boggling revelations of how to fix anything-!! Anyway, and she was telling her story and mentioned primal screams (hers) in response to her F?WH not "hearing" her!! Boy could I relate. Do ya wanta scream? Cause I do sometimes. Do it here. Vent here. Hole up, lash out, it's okay, we got your back (so to speak). Altho someone could probably still sneak up on you while you are typing...

Quote:
I don't feel comfy with him any more. It's a terrible feeling when you lose that holy bond with a spouse.
(I had to change that loose to lose-pet peeve-)

Yes it is. NOBODY, not NO-ONE can understand until they are there. IF the BS,It hurts like a big knife in the back from the person you love most and are supposed to be able to trust most. I just realized yesterday, how much I truly miss being able to trust my H!

Love ya FF,
jls

Had to add, ff , you are important and have made a difference to many here(me anyways). Thank you for being you. I really think that you must be a special person.

{{{FF}}} prayers for you too.

faith, here's one that always makes me feel better!



When all the dark clouds roll away
And the sun begins to shine
I see my freedom from across the way
And it comes right in on time
Well it shines so bright and it gives so much light
And it comes from the sky above
Makes me feel so free makes me feel like me
And lights my life with love

Chorus:
And it seems like and it feels like
And it seems like yes it feels like
A brand new day, yeah
A brand new day oh

I was lost and double crossed
With my hands behind my back
I was longtime hurt and thrown in the dirt
Shoved out on the railroad track
I've been used, abused and so confused
And I had nowhere to run
But I stood and looked
And my eyes got hooked
On that beautiful morning sun

Chorus

And the sun shines down all on the ground
Yeah and the grass is oh so green
And my heart is still and I've got the will
And I don't really feel so mean
Here it comes, here it comes
0 here it comes right now
And it comes right in on time
Well it eases me and it pleases me
And it satisfies my mind

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Brand New Day, Moondance album..
by my favorite,Van Morrison!!

What is your plan?

FF,

I understand.



Sometimes I fail, too. During these times, when the anger passes, I'm left with the pain. I usually want to crawl into bed and/or hide from the world. It's hard to resist doing that, but it never makes me feel better.

Try:

Going for a really fast walk to upbeat music with upbeat lyrics.

Go out in public around people you have to paste your smiley face on for. Sometimes faking good feelings can actually bring them about, or at the very least, lessen the bad ones.

Write.

Talk. Dump it out on a willing participant. I'm volunteering if this option is appealing to you.

Visit someone who makes you smile. Sometimes I feel better when I visit my nieces. They are two and six and always saying or doing something cute. It's hard not to smile around them.


Do something that makes you feel good about yourself - get a massage, polish your nails, masque your face (Patriot calls it Woman Mud).

Give. Give to someone you may think is undeserving. Give to someone you think is deserving. Even if it's something as simple as baking some brownies for a neighbor - giving to others often puts things into perspective for me and makes me feel better. There is much to be had in giving to someone else.

I'm thinking of you.

dorry and luna and FL, thanks for the hugs. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

jls, gosh thanks for that song and for the nice words. It is good to have friends.

Froz, thanks from the bottom of my heart for such concrete suggestions. I like to giving idea the best. They were all good, thanks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Walking is good too. I am glad to know I am not the only one that fails at self soothing.

Ok, hardest one..

Pep, I don't know. (ooh Dr. Laura would yell at me for that one!) I know what led up to this. I have been home for three days with DS. Monday I took him to the doc and he has sinusitis and slight pnuemonia. Missed two days of work and church to care for him. Taking care of our stupid dog too (long story don't ask) Then last night MIL calls to speak to WH. This is not her "regular" call and for some reason I start to think oh maybe she is calling to bug him to go see OC or some dumb thing like that. That thought took off on me and I allowed it. Thus why I went for a loooong walk with stupid dog. (animal lovers don't be offended, she is stupid) That thinking led to me telling my WH that sometimes just seeing MIL number on caller ID hurts. This led an argument. All in all, my feelings are MINE not his and I don't need to project my feelings on him. No matter what he does or doesn't do I am the one choose to react or not. So, I am disappointed in myself. Realising that so much of life is out of my control. That no matter how hard I try, my DS will get sick and my WH will disappoint my DD.
No matter how hard I try I will let people down and that my life is simply a balancing act. I fear for the day that the scales tip because then what?

Part of me wants to write MIL a letter and part of me wants to call and scream at her. I will do neither. You can guess where WH got most of his CA and entitlement stuff from. Why is anger such a difficult emotion to deal with?

Because anger is a secondary emotion. There is always another feeling beneath it. Until the underlying feelings that are resulting in anger are dealt with, the anger will persist.

If that was a rhetorical question, I've just made a serious fool of myself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hey, I understand that!

LOL, froz

No, it was a serious question. Ok, that makes sense because I have a tendancy to sweep things under the rug when I *feel* better only to have them come back as rage and anger when I am triggered. I guess I need to get better at examining myself and where these feelings come from.

Some things in life are bad,
They can really make you mad,
Other things just make you swear and curse,
When you're chewing your life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle,
And this'll help things turn out for the best,

Always look on the bright side of life.
[whistling]
Always look on the light side of life.
[whistling]
If life seems jolly rotten,
There's something you've forgotten,
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps,
Don't be silly chumps.
Just purse your lips and whistle. That's the thing.

And, always look on the bright side of life.
[whistling]
Always look on the right side of life,
[whistling]
For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word.
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin.
Give the audience a grin.
Enjoy it. It's your last chance, anyhow.

So, always look on the bright side of death,
[whistling]
Just before you draw your terminal breath.
[whistling]
Life's a piece of sh1t,
When you look at it.
Life's a laugh and death's a joke. It's true.
You'll see it's all a show.
Keep 'em laughing as you go.
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

And, always look on the bright side of life.
[whistling]
Always look on the right side of life.
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling...
I mean, what do you have to lose
You come from nothing
You go back to nothing
What have you lost, nothing]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]

Wanted to make u smile my DEAR friend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Praying HARD for your sitch tonight.

{{{{FF}}}}} (((((wonderful kids)))))

It is hard to behave productively when you are feeling anger and rage. Just feeling those emotions feels horrid. Try doing something to get yourself by until the anger passes (see above suggestions). Once your anger has subsided, focus on some self-examination and identify what your underlying emotions are.

Anger always starts off as something else.

Can you put a name on the feelings you were feeling beneath the anger?