Quickly make plans, then send a reply saying you already have plans (so it won't be a lie, even if you go eat out, to a movie, etc., and your plans were not to go anyway LOL).

"Thanks for the invite and the thoughtful consideration. Unfortunately, I can't make it since I already have other plans in place. Send everyone my best."
(or something along those lines)

Mimi,

Thanks, that is very helpful. I'll check out the pages -- though it sounds like I've already been doing this with half my old "friends." At least I can do it with more knowledge and intention. Right now I'm buried under so much work -- and getting farther and farther behind -- that I can't get to any reading for the time being.

2TE -- I already sent the refusal Saturday night -- something dignified like: "Thanks, X. A friend sent me your email last week, thinking I might be interested. Given the guest list, however, I think my attendance might cause awkwardness and discomfort, so I think I'll give it a miss."

Nothing specific, no names. You would think this would shame him, making it clear I knew his strategy. But no -- Cheery messages about "The Coast is Clear!" and shouting subject lines with names I don't even like to hear in it. As if he were the St. George rescuing me, rather than the one who created the situation. I can't count on his discretion. He's probably discussed this with others -- even his D knows, and is distressed.

I don't know why he's trying to hold onto my friendship. Why doesn't he turn himself entirely over to sucking up?

AAM,

You are such a class act!!

I must admire you for taking the high road when all of these distasteful situations arise.

Sounds like your W/STBXH is a bit of a large fish in a small pond with you trying to swim around all the garbage he and friends are polluting the pond with. LOL. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Anyway, much admiration for you and DD for handling things so well.

Hopefully in the not to distant future you will be swimming downstream to cleaner waters. Keep up the good work. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M