Btw...it is pure alien when they use the bible to bolster an affair. pure hogwash!

Don't listen. Just smile, nod your head. And walk away.

When you dig into the OM...she will avidly defend him.

I have told my friends here, my xh's present affair wife, will use that as A TOY with which to lure my xwh back...she will say "Peach said this about me.." or something like that and pretend to cry or to be hurt. He'll get mad at me, and in that one blink of an instant...he will be UNITED WITH HER AGAINST ME.

Hmm...as of late, he's not even attempted that at all.

Just smile at ww when she says she will use hogwash against you. get a cheap notebook and document all she does. If she gets an attorney, get one too. but you can see thru this fog.

She is possibly menopausal? maybe? could that be something going on here?

I think it's hilarious how she said that om accepts her for who she is...who? a married mom and adulteress who will cheat on her husband? and this man wants to marry a cheater?

She is being USED BY OM...and doesn't see it.

Trust me...the OM is old enough to have heard saying "if they'll do it WITH YOU...they'll do it TO YOU"...

She is not to be reasoned with...the previous poster who gave you some good advice about that..Just learning I believe? Was RIGHT ON!

Well, when she makes the effort of SF, keep your mouth closed and enjoy what you can. I'm sure that it isn't easy for her either.

JustPeachy,

Thank you for your encouraging words. I always need them.

Believer,

Gotcha and WILCO (Will Comply) to your post.

Eagle - I just know that if any man ever compared my SF favors to liver, he would be out of "there" in short order.

I am sure that would be true. But practicing PORH the same way she does, does tend to leave a mark.

Before you get your 2 X 4 out please remember I do know what SAA, LB, & HNHN say about PORH and not using honesty as a LB. Her version of PORH is not the version I would normally use, but it does get her attention and I have been able to get her to see it is not the same. (I think she saw that anyway)

How about sitting back and staying in a good Plan A for another 30 days? Are you up to that?

Sure. I forget who has it in their sig, but "I have nothing to lose and everything to gain by fighting for my marriage."

We are in Athens, East Limestone County.

I think you and your wife are going to be fine. This is all new and changing for her. Give her a little slack. See if you can do some fun things together. She fell in love with you for some reason. See if you can bring back that man.

I'm here, always have been always will be.

Eagle,

You asked
Oh, Truckin, yes I do recall, But the Grateful Dead came well after my prime. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> I was talking to someone the other day and subject of being in the military came up. I had a horrible flash, this year it will be 39 years since I was commissioned into the AF. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I cannot be that old. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

And when your WW starts the fog babble, I suggest you start thinking "Do Da Day, I'm just Truckin along."

Hang in there Eagle, you can do this.

God Bless,

JL

She will be getting a job offer today to work 10:30 PM to 7:00 AM. She asked me what she should do I said I didn't know as I don't know what her plans are. She sai "Tahks A Lot", the asked the kids DS said no don't take it DD said she didn't care. I asked what her plans were again at 7PM she never said so I went to bed at 9PM and haven't heard anything yet.

I am thinking of tellling her to take it, at teh cost of being controlling, but we need the income. I will also take my place as the leader of the family and ahve her put her rings back on and start MB principles in earnest. Otherwise she can sit at home until the cows come home.

Suggestions are needed here, please chime in soon.

Thanks

Well, BAD NEWS!
My taker escaped this morning and ran rampant, is still running, but in a contained area.

It was a result of creditors calling yesterday, job offer, WWs lack of communication, inability to plan for the future, and my credit rating going down the tubes.

We went to Wal-Mart last night, she asked about the job offer coming today, I said I don't know what to tell you because I don't know where you stand as far as working on the M. I feel that we are way behind where we should be, actually back to D-Day time frame die to her lack of effort and desire. She got mad ans said thanks. (I took it as thanks for nothing) I also told here it was like when we were in Combat Comm, the CC made some very bad decisions based on bad info and no info from his senior NCOs and officers, the end result the whole squadron had to pay for these bad decisions, as in failed ORI, and the monthly training deployments that followed. I told her I needed some info to go on before I could say enthusiatically yes take the job or no don't. No information was offered. Soooooooooo

I asked this morning about the job offer and whether she was going to take the job (mid-shift). Was asked what I wanted her to do, and conversation proceded downhill rapidly from there.

I don't feel safe or comfortable, and don't feel she's doing anything to help how I feel. She feels that since she sleeps in the same bed, cleans house, gives in when I ask for SF, occaissionally kisses or hugs me without my asking, she is doing a great job at MB stuff, I stated I didn't think she was doing anything much and only if I initiated. I asked how much more destruction she wanted to cause and was financial ruin the final bit of destruction or was there something else she had in mind.

I really need to know where all this is going, "We'll just take it day by day" doesn't cut it when financial plans as well as family plans are concerned, even more so when I feel that I have to have a stash of cash for lawyers to defend a divorce and child custody battle. I know plans are nothing more than something to deviate from, but I don't think I can continue to proceed in an "all thrust no vector" mode anymore.

yesterday she asked me what she should do about the job offer and I gave her an alternative, I said I would rather support her and keep her working at MB stuff and rebuilding family and marriage rather than end up wasting even more time doing the day by day thing and then wasting money on lawyers, but I needed some assurances. No comment from her, this morning it was turned around as I changed my mind about her accepting the job (she apparently read it as I didn't want her to take it), so therefore financial problems were mine, not hers as she wants to work, but I won't make a decision and when I do I keep changing it. Again I said I had concerns and reservations about her working mids, as when she was working part time in OKC everything fell by the wayside because she was tired, mids sucked, she couldn't concentrate, she had no time for friends if she spent all her time reading MB.(my impression based on her actions, not necessarily her words) I stated my concerns, i.e...feeling safe and comfortable, no threat or worry about another A, she is actively and aggressively working to rebuild marriage and family using MB, knowing my boundaries and adhering to them, being transparent, committing to rebuilding family and marriage, NOT continuing the destruction of our lives, etc... Still no response only anger. Sooooooooooooo Here I go again on my own. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Chuck, what are we ever going to do with you?? I think its good that you are direct with her, but it must be done WITHOUT LOVEBUSTERS. A lovebuster is like a resentment, where you take the poison and hope the other person dies. They work against you!

I am aghast that you demeaned all her efforts to date, no matter how pitiful they seem. What she is doing is pretty good for where she is! She is bringing the body and I have every confidence that the mind will follow. I do think that she should be treated as a person who just went into withdrawal because she didn't seem to be in withdrawal until she came home barely a month ago.

And by making DEMANDS, you push her recovery further and further away because she is to busy defending herself to actively participate in her own recovery. So please lay off, ok? Go to her and tell her you are sorry and offer an olive branch.

Chuck, I know you are the guy on the front line and you see things that we don't see, but let me explain something. The things that you are desribing in her behavior are alarming TO YOU, but they are not to us. You know why? It is because this is a very NORMAL, ROUTINE pattern for a WS. This is how they ACT!

But the difference between my view and yours is that I have seen them come out on the other side. MANY TIMES. This is how they get to the other side. Thats why we are not alarmed about this. If you will please relax, stick to the program, put your faith in the Lord, this will all come out ok.

RELAX, my friend. That is an order! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Mel,

Thank you and WILCO.

It just kills me though to see everything we've work for going downhill so quick. I hate it when the creditors are calling and knocking and my hands are tied. Since I've taken over paying the bills I haven't had anyone call and my credit rating went to 800, it's now probably around 300 and dropping like a stone. When I ask for information and get nothing, I feel like we are still in the "D is the only way out" mode.

Is the credit problem stemming from her unemployment? Or has she not been paying bills? I am a little confused on that end of it. Can you bring me up to speed?

I am currently looking for a job to help us pay some bills. Husband said that I’m trying to ruin us financially. We are used to having 2 incomes for the both of us.
Now that I’m only down to one I would like to get a job to help out.


We have discussed the fact that I have to get my foot in the door somewhere. I want a day job also, this job offer has come to me twice and a lady was switched to offer this job to me. The only shifts available right now are nights and weekends, we nixed the weekends because this is the only real time we have as a family. By taking this night job, I have offered to sleep 3-4 hours and hit this website and books in the afternoon and have family time when they get home.


I have rules that I have to follow, during the day I’m supposed to be on this website or reading the books. I’m only allowed to do housework when the kids get home. I do the cleaning while the kids do their homework. I have been doing this. The stuff arrived this weekend from OKC, so boxes are all over the house. I would like to take care of those, but I can’t. Husband would complain that I’m not following the plan and will eventually complain that I haven’t unpacked. That I’m not putting my things in the house, this has already been said and I expect it to happen again.


As for sex & affection goes I don’t want it at all, but I’m still having sex with him. Husband says it’s like a pound of liver and would get more if he masterbated. Well that’s fine with me, if he thinks that I’m doing anything then maybe I should show him what nothing really is. For no enjoyment from sex he sure does climax fast, which is fine with me. I have initiated hugs & kisses, cuddling, sleeping in same bed, holding hands, sitting close together and we have showered together.


I really enjoy being with the kids, we talk, play games and watch tv together. Husband says that I’m sucking up to them and being their friend. The kids don’t feel like this because I have asked them. Our son will either tone down or not say how he feels when we have family meetings. When the kids ask me to sit with them for a minute to talk I’m going to do it. Husband still gets his 2 hours during the week and 3 hours on weekends of alone time. This past weekend we had 6 hours together we napped, cuddled and cooked dinner together.

We have some good times, but for the most part I really don’t enjoy being around him. If I’m such a bad person, why does he still want to be with me? Why would want o be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? If the tables were turned it would hurt like ******, but I don’t want someone that doesn’t want me.

As far as male friends, I have introduced many of them to husband and many of them he didn’t want to. I have lost quite of few friends (male & female) because of him.

I’m done for now.

It's because of my unemployment. I don't handle the money, husband does. This part of his boundaries.

I have tried to keep our bills down, I have tried to talk him to waiting on buying plane tickets when I would be home in a couple of weeks or the family would out to visit me.

Eagle15Too - Good to see you posting. A second shift job is very difficult even for a great marriage. Are you going to take it?