Eagle,

I seems that last night, I became a real hypocrite! I was a real horses a$$. Keep trying as no one is perfect. I really thought that I had a handle on it. Things did actually get better around midnight, but it was a painful night.

It seems that I cannot learn from my mistakes, let alone yours. Go figure...

C-

Yeah, some days just when you think you know the rules they change up on ya and WHAM back to square one. As if it's not hard enough already, dealing with women and feelings, then an A drops into your life, W becomes an alien and away we go on the roller coaster. The good thing is as time passes the good times outweigh the bad and eventually things get better.

Good luck ot you. Keep coming on here and we can talk. I'll give you what help I can, haha all good advice from the pros here, but I sometimes (most times) have a hard time following. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Take care

Being still, nothing happening. I feel like a bystander, just watching the world go by and my M stagnate. No LBs, just being together, she spends most of her time w/kids. 15 hours a week is sporadic at best. Just standing by and watching for signs of progress.

Alright...first off, suggest that she come back and post here when/if she can.

Second...GENTLY remind her that she's agreed to that 15 hours a week. And, that the two of you need to try to spend a good portion of this time WITH EACH OTHER...not spending it taking care of your family. That means that if at all possible, the two of you need to spend a few hours a nite doing something TOGETHER that isn't just taking care of the kids.

If she feels that this is unfair, ask her to post that on her thread so that she can get some advice from the people here.

But...do NOT attack when you talk about this. If she gets angry or defensive, YOU get quiet instead.

Again, the intent is NOT to blow off repairing your marriage...the idea is that it all doesn't have to be fixed right now. And, that the two of you WORK right now to fix your friendship first.

My idea anyway.

Owl,

She should start posting over the weekend, she was posting in the mornings, but is now doing the orientation thing this week and next and starts mids the following week. We have been together, but kids involved due to CAP and other issues. She still wants the 15 hrs, but kids stuff is making it later and later, last night started at 2020hrs. I haven't brought it up, just watching to see what's up.

She complained Tuesday that I wasn't wearing my ring, I said well are you ready for me to start wearing it again? she said I am wearing mine! So I started wearing mine again yesterday, she forgot hers, but has them on today. Funny thing is she only wears them to work, but expects me to wear mine all the time. Now this is not a problem for me as I ahve worn my ring up until a couple of weeks ago, I just find it strange. I haven't commented on that, but just curious about your thoughts and opinion.

I will remind her that we should be doing our time around 7 as 8 or after we both get tired around 9:30. I don't think she thinks it's unfair, just would rather spend time with kids.

Another strange thing is Tuesday night going to pick up DD on Redstone we had to go off base and back on (gate 9 is meesed up coming from main base/BX area), I told her I only know 1 way to get there and was trying to give directions, she went off about having to go off and on again and missed the U turn, we went further down the HWY and I said we need to get off go over the HWY and back the other direction, she passed a couple of turn offs (she ws in middle lane) finally got off HWY, I had no idea where we were and pointed out the sign showing the on ramp and directin we needed to go, she missed the turn lane and ramp all the while asking me turn here, here , here, I said I don't know just saw the sign you did repeated that I've never been on this road before and since she passed the lane and ramp make a U turn, she endded up turning into oncoming traffic, tahnk god no cars were coming, but DS said Mom we are going the wrong way! By now I was very frustraed ans said Honey if you would listen to me we can get back on the road, I have no idea where we are ve never been on this road, but you are seeing the same signs I am and you are behind the wheel. She got mad, I shut up, DS got real quiet and we finally got back on the road. My question is why would she be asking me weird questions about turn lanes, cant see white painted arrow telling her she is oging the wrong way etc... I tried like H to not LB, but I was very frustrated, the road was clearly marked and the turn lane as well. I should have been driving, but wasn't about to tell her to get out and let me drive (IMHO BIG LB). It was just strange to ahve her asking me every step of the way turn here, turn here or go straight when I clearly told here I ahve never been there before. I did ask her if her eyes were OK, very concerned, not making fun or being judgemental, said I felt she might be having trouble seeing at night and this was one of the things that caused me to go to the optomitrist for my new glasses. All I got was "My eyes are FINE!" Sooo I'm still confused and quiet.

Eagle:
What is your wife's name on here? I would be interested in reading her posts.
Thanks!

Well, don't know what to tell you except that you likely did the right thing by trying to defuse her anger when she got confused while she was driving. If that happens often, it's a definite safety concern.

Interestingly enough, I've been stationed several times at RSA...and even know the gate and roads you were talking about. Gate 9 is the one out by the Thiokol plant, isn't it?

Eagle15Tooo

Owl,

Not sure about Thiokol, but 255 turns into it (Rideout Road?) Is Thioko; sort of south west of base?? ( seems to go through center to NASA side and east of Aero club. Gate 3 goes right past BX and dead ends past Hosp and GC at Gate 9.

Trying to stay cool. She doesn't sleep on teh extreme edge of the bed anymore, is a little more friendly in the house. A lot of other small signs. Hope is still alive!

Eagle, I think you might have messed up a wee bit when you said (part bolded for emphasis):


Accusing her of failing to listen to you might have come across as a DJ. Not being there, I can't say for sure, but it's just a thought.

But I sure can understand confusion/frustration when driving in unfamiliar places. I can get totally dyslexic and stupid. Left is right, right is left, you got traffic here, traffic there, trying to see signs and painting on the pavement, two other people talking at you, etc. etc.

It's funny how sometimes driving can bring out frustration in people, especially if you're in unfamiliar territory. My H and I have had our share of conflicts when one of us was driving and the other riding shotgun. We've learned to take these things in stride and laugh about them later, once the immediate crisis is averted! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

As for your earlier question about when I was going to provide valuable advice, I'm trying. I was thinking of posting something quite similar to what Owl said, about how the sitch took years to develop and won't get fixed overngiht, but he beat me to it and I didn't think repeating the same old, same old would add any value.

GBH,
Repeating works for me, no harm done, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> I appreciate it, I'm a guy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> with bad hearing anyway so repeat repeat repeat, no foul with that unless it upsets you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

The reason I said "Honey if you would listen to me " was because before we even got close the the place I knew we needed to make a U-Turn I was trying to give the directions she asked for and had told her I only knew 1 way as I don't go there often. She started carrying on about on and off base, one of ehr major Pet Peeves si being interupted when talking, she is very good at it, but won't tolerate it, so I shut my mouth hoping she would be done complaining about the Army and we drove right past, then things started escalating when I said sorry to interupt but we needed to u turn back there and things really went South from there. We then proceeded to uncharted territory for me and it got even worse. But we did make it on time, picked up DD and friend, DS had to tell story and I kept my"Pie Hole Shut!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />

Rings and games with rings, it never seems to get better.
Games in general, we are not in HS, this is real life and gaming is a foolhardy thing to do, they effect everyone involved and it's just downright mean to continue playing these games!

What games are you referring to?
C-

Wearing rings taking them off, giving me grief about not wearing mine, same o same o. Asking a question and when I answer going nuts about tone or attitude, I always watch carefully for attitude, I do have a sharp wit and quick tongue, so I ahve to be careful. Not wanting to make a decision, ask her waht do you think?? getting BS answers full of attitude , snyde remarks.. Try to start a convo and either being ignored or pounced on because she apparently doesn't want to hear whaat I have to say or max attitude. You know the kind of stuff that just really gets under your skin. It never stops.

U ready to reverse babble and give her back her guilt which in turn will give you some relief?

L.

Orchid,

U bet!

Do u require coaching or u just need some support in that direction?

L.

Hi. You are my first post. Yes, your WW will most definitely benefit from this site. I myself am a WW going through withdrawl. I have been searching for someone in a similar situation to talk with. I'd be happy to talk with you AND your wife. I have so many questions to ask before offering any support. How long has it been since d-day? Do you have children? Has your wife ever suffered from depression, anxiety or bipolar disorder? My husband uses this site too, so maybe you two could hook-up. Have your wife read ALL of Dr. Harley's info. on this site before she begins to participate in a forum. Print it off for her, then leave her alone to read it. My H has nearly driven me out of my home with all the stuff he's been making me read, but it has slowed me down enough to stay. If you are committed to saving your marriage (as my H is), you're about to enter ******. You need to begin meeting your wife's
EN immediately, even if she is unreceptive. Print off Dr. Harley's list of them for yourself, refer to them often. When your wife is ready, do the EN Questionnaire. Hopefully I'm not telling you stuff you already know, I'm just trying to be helpful. It was difficult for us to begin using this site because it is so full of valuable info., but these are the things we started with. Keep trying. Stay strong.

Sorry, like I said, I'm new to this! I just realized the date in which you first posted, so my previous reply is most outdated I'm sure. I'd still enjoy hearing from you tho'! Thanks.

Orchid,

A little of both.

KJ,

Thank you for your help. Different perspectives are definitely welcome, espceially from FWWs. Youo can view my FWWs posts by searching for eagle15tooo.