I'm with Orchid on the reverse babble. See how that works. I am still stuck on trying to avoid LBs...

C-

Eagle,

Just got back into town and I find you are looking for the nuclear option. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Let me think, I don't recall THE EAGLE carrying nuc's <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />, nor do I recall air to air fighters NOT having a plan. Further, my man what you need to do is consider intradiction (sp) as part of your battle plan.

One of the posters said
While I am inclined to agree with this statement, I don't know of a single successful mission, battle or war that was not won without a great deal of planning and thought, and most often the war was one of attrition. Hence my comment on interdiction (sp).

So what is it you are going after? Bridges? Depots? rail systems? what? My recommendation is you go after the depots where the RESENTMENT is stored, for it is the RESENTMENT that is fueling this war. That means careful recon to establish where the depots are, exactly what they contain, and how they are replenished.

Once you have done this a PRECISION plan of attack should be considered with many sortee's being required and the WILL to prosecute this war until victory is achieved.

Am I talking a language you understand Eagle? I hope so.

Go after the depot's of resentment one LB at a time, one DJ at a time, and with confidence that you are NOT knuckling under if you don't persue frontal assaults but go after the means by which these depots are resupplied.

Time for a plan Eagle and it should be a detailed one. THEN and ONLY THEN should you begin your campaign. So slow down, settle down, and think. Gather recon and the best way to do that is to be with yoru W as much as possible and REALLY REALLY listen to her and observe her. Don't feed her any LB's or DJ's ,just watch and listen and gather recon as to what you are doing to resupply those depots of resentment.

You have your orders Eagle <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />, get to thinking and planning.

God Bless,

JL

PS: I am inclined to end this with a quote from Pogo.

"We have met the enemy and they are us."

You bet "they are US (ME)!" I am going for the me needing ENs met or else option! Nuke em till they glow and make it a "GLASS PARKING LOT!" option.

Well Eagle,

Let me tell you as an expert on Nuc's, that policy often leads to alot of collateral damage and often just does not lead to a positive outcome even for the Nuker not just the Nukee.

Time to use your airpower in a more postive and effective fashion.

God Bless,

JL

Well I work underground and my mission is to disarm the WS....trippin' em up in their own babble is a tactic we use here in the MB defense unit. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Nuking seems so final. You need t/b selective on how you destroy the WS. You want to leave your spouse in tact and the may try to kidnap your spouse again so it is wise as JL said to get a plan.

Can you work with Jennifer on a plan? Remember LBing doesn't happen in plan B. In most cases, then WS have a moving desire to know where the BS is at all times. Use that as a tool and disarm the WS by making her wonder what u r up to. There is no RH policy or POJA with a WS. Just your spouse.

Learn the difference and implement. Let her see that you are willing to share your life with your W but NOT the WS.

My motto: Plan A your spouse but plan B the WS.

L.

Wake up! Clear the <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />FOG get off you A** and "JUST DO IT" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Um.... you need to calm down. Stop drinking soo much caffeine. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

How would you like someone yelling at you? Now respond as best you can and walk away. You've got to give her time to digest your requests.

Her mind and heart are not in sync yet and your demands are growing.

Go read my 5 stages of grieving and learn HOW to control your temper so your good intentions get the best chance of making it through the fog.

Expect her to NOT like you. At least NOT right away.

You must pray for that clear mind, calm heart and LOTS of patience.

Got it?

L.

Why won't she tell me what I'm doing wrong?
Why won't she ell me what I'm doing right?
Why won't she tell me anyhting?

Eagle-

So, what's the status on the two of you getting into MC? I can't stress how critical this is for the two of you at this point...you NEED an environment to discuss this where you've got someone who can referree for the two of you.

Again, I don't see EITHER of you moving towards actually fixing things. Quit getting angry, and starting fixing your side of the equation.

Honestly, if you keep looking for the nuclear option, then you're doomed to never be happy with your recovery. It just does NOT work that way.

I am in IC, W is looking into IC and then MC. We are going to talk about an appt with Jennifer this evening. I emailed to find an appt earliest is next Tuesday, 7PM.

I have offered olive branches all week. Tried to engage in convo, got neg attitude, something simple like " I would like to take all of us to Pizza for lunch.....They have a good salad bar, about same as fast food."...got cut off here with "whatever" I said please let me talk I am just trying to make some pleasant convo and figure out what to do about lunch. Then got the "I didn't ahve an att" on and on.

I really am trying, I asked for some feedback last night and all H ensued, most by me, I just need to know which direction to march in as opposed to having 1 foot nailed to the floor.

Eagle, a good start would be for you to top posting on your W's thread. Huge LB up there, sir.

I suspect the reason she said "whatever" stems back to your prior list of demands about how she should think, act, and feel. You were treating her like one of your airmen and her response was to try to do what she's told. Please consider the possibility she's basically going out of her way to not disobey any of your orders.

You asked:

It's a real possibility she does not know the answers to those questions. When I was at that stage, I honestly did not know how I felt about anything. I was truly lost in many, many ways.

It takes time, Eagle. It took years for you M to get to this state; it is not going to be fixed overnight, and I know I'm not the only one who has posted that.

All I can say is maybe try to treat her in a way that you would like to be treated. I can't imagine that barking orders and being the thought and feelings police work very well for any one.

Eagle-

What have I suggested?

Stop asking. Stop working on the R all the time. Right now, work on YOURSELF, and work on your FRIENDSHIP with your wife more than anything else.

Don't wait on your W to setup the MC...work together with her to do so. Get one that you BOTH can agree to. And get it done NOW. If you're in a hurry, then rush THIS PART at least!

Set limits on when/how you two talk about the R/A/etc... Schedule a set time and duration...keep a notebook of what's discussed so that you can resume where you left off. AND STICK TO IT.

AND...do not discuss any of that outside of MC or your scheduled times!!!! Keep that up until the two of you reach a point where you CAN discuss things without it being a constant battle.

You've heard me say this same stuff over and over. You've said that you were going to follow my advice...so when are you going to start DOING IT???

As soon as we both get home from work. We had MC she doesn't like him. She got a new list from tri-care approved MC/IC. She hasn't contacted any of them as of yet, I am afraid to contact any of them as she will see that as controlling and not want to go. So I continue to go to my IC, I contacted Laurie at MB, Jennifer doesn't have anyhting open until Tues next week. I can't schedule that until I can talk with W.

OWL & GBH Thanks for keeping me straight.

GBH,

Just a question to understand no offense intended, so please take none.

Why do I get blasted for posting on her thread, but she gets a free ride posting on mine?

Again just asking, no offense is intended.

Perhaps it's because she hasn't posted on one of your threads since Feb 21 and you show up on hers quite frequently.

I know you're angry because of what happend, so are many of us. I'm not sure how I would have reacted if my FWW had not stepped up and tried a little bit shortly after D-day, but it's clear to me that you MUST step back and quit expecting your W to respond the way you want her to.

As has been said by others, work on yourself and don't expect much in return early in the process. This is going to take weeks, if not months, without your confrontational pattern. The confrontations just set you back.

Just remembber, it's going to take time. Be cool!

xring

Because I don't seem to remember seeing her post on your thread, at least not recently. The threads kind of long, so I might have missed something, but as x-ring said, she hasn't posted on your thread since Feb. 21. The tone of your post wasn't exactly civil, either.

Reading/posting on one another's threads can sometimes do more harm and good. If you don't believe me, go to the EN board and look up posts by slimjim and LookingUp11. Sitch is not identical to yours as there was no infidelity, and they seemed to have called a bit of a truce more recently. But early in their participation there was lots of cross-reading and cross-posting and it was totally counter-productive.

No offense taken, BTW... I honestly don't always have time to go through everything here and might have missed something. I just go by what my aging short-term memory provides me!

Xring,

Check her thread again, I don't post regularly there, but I did bump per a few requests. I was just curious though.

Thanks

Eagle,

I don't want to get in a contest with you, but you posted twice this morning. Both posts were pretty much "in your face" type of messages. These are not productive. That was my point.

xring

Gotcha, Thanks

Eagle,

Remember when I asked for people's opinions on whether my W should post here? The only common answer that I got was that it is not a good idea to read each others posts.

Now, I do not normally just take advice without understanding and agreeing with it based on my experience. I have read both E2's thread and yours in full. I can see the animosity, the anger and the resentment that this caused. HINT: Block you wife's posts. Stay off of it...don't read it...don't post to it. Cool? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Once your marriage is recovered and much stronger, then you can POJA on whether to read each other's posts. But this would take a lot of strength. How much of what you have posted is just venting? Venting is not logical... Venting is not kind...Venting is quite explosive...Venting can bring out the worst in people...but...Venting is healthy provided it is ISOLATED from your W. This is why we vent, to purge from our souls all the bad crap that our M cannot handle right now. How strong would a marriage need to be to handle all of this emotion when some of it may not even be true!

Just something to think on. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

C-