MEN <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Actually, Lemonman, this is also a 180* or Divorcebuster method that has proven extremely effective. Many times a WS thinks their spouse is sitting around pining for them, when they get the idea that their BS is a woman with a LIFE of their own, it often gives them a major reality check.

I used this method myself (long distance, by being unavailable to take his phone calls) when I needed to feel like I had some sort of control over my life.

She is also meeting his need for physical attractiveness, a legitimate MB defined emotional need.

keeping you in my prayers dear.

have a journal. write in it. save every unpaid bill...and document time with ws vs. time kids are with you.

the courts will not allow this.

my xh did same thing...seems his lawyer said AN EFFECTIVE PLAN TO GET A BW TO SIGN IS TO STARVE HER TO DEATH...and right before she takes you to court, pay her the money you owe her..but a little less than she really needs...but enough to keep you out of jail...for contempt!

yea, I had to take my xh to court...a man that makes about 10 times more than I do...and he wouldn't pay us for almost six months. he ruined my credit during that time...and the whole time he kept saying that "just sign and I can make all of this go away"...no way! I got same amount he was offering...and I kept my dignity.

He was horrid. He kept playing a game with me. And yes, sometimes the IL's do this...a line's been drawn in sand. and with my xil's my wh signs their paychecks...no wonder these people do what he says...and they're horribly sad people as well..

Just get an attorney...inform them, get an emergency hearing if he does not respond to the cs summons...you can get one as quickly as 24 hours...just get an attorney...and do not sign the fodder this "so called man" is offering you.

am praying and wish I had a second car for ya.

Well WH shows up @ 9:30pm last night dropping of DS (9m). As soon as I turn on the porch light he pulls up in the driveway. I think he was staking out the house to see who was dropping me off. Anyways, so he knocks on the door, I answered it and tries to come inside but I block the doorway and take the baby from him and say thanks. He bearly could make eye contact with me, I guess he still must be filled with guilt.

Well, crazy as this may sound, I am not ready to give up on my M or WH. I know he has treated the kids and I horribly. I really think that once he hits bottom and the fog starts to clear that we have a good chance of making our M better.

Hey Mel and the other MB experts, is it possible for me to do another Plan A b/c I don't think I did a very effective one the first time.

***BUMPING ^ for replys***

You are NOT crazy for not wanting to give up on your marriage or on WH!!

WS's do crazy things when involved with A's, that's why it's so hard to understand!! Good people doing bad things!!
Don't even try to make sense of it. Just continue to do what you have to do to protect yourself and your children. Especially, get a lawyer!

Yes, the guilt is overwhelming for him. What he chooses to do about it is up to him. He may have to hit rock bottom as was the case with my WH.

Please check out my story. My situation was crazy at times and similar to yours regarding finances....in the end we divorced and now we are back together and doing well.

Don't give up yet. But continue Plan B for now....I'm not familiar with your situation, have you written a Plan B letter? Do you have someone who can act as intermediary for you?

Lashell.

I don't think your crazy for still wanting your M and H.

I am feeling the same as you. Even though he has pretty much left me in a financial mess , I won't give up hope that this will all work out in the end.

Being in planb is so hard for me. I want to just call him sometimes just to get a feel of where he is at with all of this. But his actions of late should tell me that. He has pulled all financial support for now and is avoiding the process server for his LS papers. This I don't understand he was the one carrying on about divorce , not me. I didn't even file D and he got so mad.

I like you think its going ot take our WH'S to hit rock bottom to be motivated to make any kind of comeback or even to just say I'm sorry. In my case I think rock bottom is a long ways off. I am hanging in there best I can.

You can do this .. You have got to get some kind of legal help to make him pay his share. I know its hard and it hurts to do it but it finally come to a point you have to. He is not thinking of you and the children so its up to you to do the right thing.

Take Care Lashell and God Bless you....

Hurting

Thanks Shugah for your reply. I have read your thread and it has given me much hope. I did come to the realization this weekend after seeing WH and he could not look at me that he is not the man I married. And I know the things that he is doing as a WH are not him.

Right now as far as getting an attorney, I can't afford to pay one upfront, even though many attorneys have told me that he would have to pay my attorney fees, the problem is coming up with the money up front. In Jan when I start doing taxes or start getting CS, whichever one comes first, I will then be able to pay a retainer for an attorney. But I am still looking.

My WH has told me that he is in the process of filing for a D after getting served with CS papers last week. I really do think he is filing this time even though he has been saying he was going to file since the end of May. I actually hope he does file that way I can get Spousal Support also.

Had to break Plan B b/c van broke down and I need WH to co-sign for me to get a new one. But after I get the new van I am going back dark again. I just don't know if I should do another Plan A first.

Hey Hurting,

I been keeping up with your sitch and I'm sorry about your DD wanting to move. I know everything will turn out OK for the both of us. I will continue to pray for you that God will give you peace throughout this whole ordeal.

LaShell

Lashell,

If I didn't know better I would think our WH'S were brothers. They seem to be doing the same things.

Withholding financial support and seeming to careless.

I was lucky I found an attorney who worked well with me. I had to borrow a little bit of money from a friend to start it but it was not much. I pray for you to find someone who will work with you.

Its a part of reality both of our WH'S are going to have to face. You wanna play now you gotta pay. I hope it helps with some of the fog they have. I am pretty sure it won't bring them home but it will sure put a big dent in the cloud surrounding them.

Your in my prayers and your right we will be ok....

Hurting

Hurting, I was thinking the same thing about maybe our WH's are brothers, it certainly appears they are acting exactly the same.

I really don't understand my WH, I think he just wants to sleep around. Even though I don't have to deal with him living with OW, I have to deal with him sleeping around. He has never introduce anyone to his family or our kids, he doesn't and hasn't ever even take the kids over to his apartment, he makes them stay with FIL/MIL.

He is trying to hide his behavior/infidelity from everyone. I don't know what his point in doing that is. Unless he is trying not to look like a bad guy which is not working b/c he is not taking care of his responsibilities. Go figure.

Lashell,

They both are selfish and only care for themselves right now.

As far as OW goes I wish I did not have to deal with him living with her either but its the way it goes. My children knew OW before all of this happen. She was a casual friend from the bowling alley. So she is someone we all knew. I think that even makes its harder for me. At least if I had not known her I would not have a face to put in my mind.

I do believe that one day they both will regret their choices. We just have to be strong and wait it out. Easier said than done for sure......

Have you looked into Legal Aide? Why not go that route?

Hey aislinn, thanks for chiming in. Yes that's the first place I tried but here in Missouri, I do not qualify for Legal Aide b/c WH and I own property together.

Lashell,

Thats the same response I got from legal here in Okla. we had property together plus he made to much money....

That blew my mind he left me and took his money so I don't know how counted but it did. Legal aid is a crock of bull if ya ask me.... they don't really help much at all...

I'm sorry, I sympathize. I was able to use legal aide for my first divorce and they did not take his financial information into account at all. Course, that was 15 years ago.

I'm so angry for you...I cannot believe how your husband is behaving towards your children. Please watch your back. For some reason, reading your story made me nervous for your children's and your financial security.

Hey aislinn,

Yeah, the way WH is treating the children just blows me away. Treating me this way is one thing but these sweet innocent children is totally another.

What do you mean watch my back? He has already been served w/ the CS so now I just need to get the D filed, if he hasn't already like he claimed, for the spousal support and to protect our assets. Many attorneys say I have an excellent chance of getting more than the 50/50. They say that the judge will most likely throw the book at him for abandoning the kids and I, and making us go on welfare and food stamps as much money as he makes.

In my case the judge threw the book at him all right....I got EVERYTHING!

You should not have to wait for the D to get interim support, including spousal support!!!

I had it for a year before my D. If you are getting any type of state aid, they should be able to help you.

Please check into it.

Hey Shugah,

I can file for an emergency hearing to start getting Spousal Support also once the D papers are filed.

The state is only helping with the child support.


My water bill is due today, calling WH to remind him to pay it or we will have no water. I can't believe that he would let things get to this point.

I just feel so sad today. This is the first time I had felt this way in months.