***bumping ^ for some encouragement***

Lashell:

At the risk of seeming like a heartless ******, I think your cheater of a husband sounds like a serial cheater and that his betrayal of your children and you is NOT an abberation of character, but IS his character.

I think you should double or triple your efforts to get adequate support for your 5 children. Words cannot express how I feel about your husband.

Is the "encouragement" that you want based on getting your Cheater back?

If so, I will try and be more mindful of your goals. I don't want to be discouraging to you.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hey Lemonman,

I understand how you feel, at times I feel the same way. I just believe that if he can come out of the fog and get professional help then he can be the man he was before he began to sleep around.

Not to make excuses for him but I was only the second woman he has been with before this. I just think that he needs to get it out of his system. And maybe I need a 2x4 and I am being naive to think that.

He was not like this before, he had always put the kids and I first. I am not ready to give up on him and our M just yet.

In the meantime, I am taking steps to protect the kids and I financially. When I get the money for a retainer I will file for LS, if he hasn't already filed for D like he says b/c of the CS summons he was served with last week.

Well, Lashelle, without again trying to be too harsh....I think you should "rethink" this quote above and educate yourself some more about all of this. If you think this is about "getting it out of his system"...well then, I think you have alot more coming to you.

I can't imagine what it must be like to be 34 yo and have 5 children and being essentially "left for dead", and yet think this is all about one getting this out of their system. I don't think a 2 x 4 from me will be useful to you.

I am sorry. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Lem

Hey Lemonman,

Don't be sorry. You're right. I do have alot more to learn. And don't get me wrong, there is no excuse for the way he has "left us for dead", that I find despicable.

Well I have great news and bad news.

Great news is I was approved for a brand new van.
Bad news is that they want a down payment of $1000 plus trade in.

Well since I have to give that much of a down payment. I can just get my van fixed, plus have no car payments.

So I decided just to get my van fixed when I get the money.
But it is nice to know that I can get a new car if I really need one.

Does anyone know how long it takes to get served D papers? My WH told me he filed last week when he got served CS papers. Well I have not been served yet, my van broke down last week so I have been homebound since so I couldn't have miss the process server.

Even though I am still hoping to make my M work, I really hope that he has filed so I can also get Spousal Support and I won't have to worry about money, my home and bills getting paid and he will be forced to take care of his responsibilties.

I'm starting to think that he is lying again (surprise-surprise) and has not filed. Why does he keep doing this? If he wants to be rid of me so bad then just file and get it over with and stop lying about it.

I am sitting here with chills b/c DD (9) woke up and said she had another dream about her dad.

About a month ago she dreamt that someone was knocking on the door in the middle of the night. She said that I was asleep and would not wake up. Well she went to look out to see who it was and it was her dad. She opened the door and he said that he came to apologize to us, that he was sorry for acting so stupid. Then she woke up.

Well last night she said she dreamt we at church on Sunday morning like always, our Pastor told her to go upstairs and tell the deacons, who were cooking dinner for an after service fellowship, to come into the sanctuary. She said on her way back to the sanctuary she ran into her dad, she asked what are you doing here, he said where is your mom, she said in the sanctuary, then she saw me coming towards them, I then asked WH what was he doing there. He said the he was sorry for acting so stupid (chills). I said come inside and enjoy the morning service. Everyone came to give him a hug and said to him welcome back Reverend (chills).

My WH was/is a Minister/Preacher. Although he is not a Pastor, he use to preach sermons usually once a month.

I just wonder if God is using my DD (9), who just got baptized about 2 months ago, to let me know that WH will be back and be remorseful for what he has done?

BUMP ^ for responses

Lashelle, I do hope those are prophetic dreams!

Huggs & Prayers,
Lady

Hey Lady,

I hope so too!

I forgot to mention that a couple of weeks ago, our Pastor told DD (9) that the Lord told him to tell her that her daddy will come back home.

Thanks for the hugs and prayers, I really need them. I am waiting/hoping to get served D papers soon.

Called WH this morning to see if he was still going to help me with transportation (renting me a car, giving me money so I can go rent one, or giving me the money to get mine fixed). Of course, he doesn’t answer his cell phone. Well I leave a message and he has yet to call back.

I then looked on his website and find out that he is out of town. So I call his cell phone anonymously, then he answers, I hang up. What a jerk. I’m 99% sure that he has one of his bimbos with him that’s why he did not accept my call.

He says he does not have any money to give me this week for the kids (he hasn’t given me any money since the end of August mind you), well of course not b/c he is spending it on his selfish pleasures. Forget about us over here with no transportation. I feel like he has “left us for dead” like Lemonman has put it.

I was really hoping to get served those D papers so I wouldn’t have to worry about this anymore. I’ll be glad when those Child Support payments start rolling in.

Thanks for letting me vent so I won't have to cry. Why is it that he could careless about the kids and I? I just don't get it.

La Shell

Dear Lashelle,

I can't even comprehend him leaving you and the 4 children. (Hardly a man!!!) I just hope you and the the children are going to be alright.

I know what it's like to be without transportation.

Me and my children walked for about 5 years when they were little until I got a job. Many of those walks were wonderful, and times I will never forget...We were poor, yet rich... if you know what I mean. Then a friend from church blessed me with a car. And I had to learn how to maintain it, which was the biggest stressor. Every time it broke down I paniced. I learned how to do tune-up's and oil changes by myself to save money.

Those were years that I grew so much and seen God work miracles!!

It wasn't easy, just as I know it isn't easy for you with 4 children and hardly a break for time to yourself. You will need to ask Gods direction.

I hope your H isn't lieing to you about the divorce papers, but he might be. And what concerns me the most is, he is a chronic cheater. And if he doesn't quit, he is in danger of loosing his life (not his physical life).

I hate the thought of you having to raise those children by yourself. But just in case, you need to prepare for that even if it doesn't happen that way.

You may want to think about working in the near future. You will have to make changes to adapt to your changed life.

Trust the Lord to be you H and the Father of your children from now on Lashelle. He will take good care of you.

Lady

Hey Lady,

That would be 5 kids.

I know that the Lord will make a way for us somehow.

I actually do have a job, I do taxes doing the tax season, I start paid training on Nov 29 (hope I can get some transporatation by then). I make pretty good money but after tax season I will probably take a summer job with the same company to make more income since the state is going to help me with childcare costs until CS starts rolling in. Then they will collect more money from WH for childcare. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I have been praying and praying and asking for God for answers, it just seems that He is not listening that i am the one dealing with everything going wrong or something happening and God is not even punishing my WH(who was/is a preacher mind you), that is what I am having a hard time dealing with right now.

I know that I am blessed and my children are blessed they seem so happy right now. The never ask about WH, I overheard them talking today while we were getting ready for church. My DS (5) said that he was going to use dad's lunchbox to take his lunch to church today (we had a long service today) since dad was not coming back, then DD (9) said to him "he is coming back you know".

They believe that their dad is coming back home.

Just pray that I will strengthen my faith and believe thae the Lord will supply our needs and that His will be done and He will make it known to me.

Saw MIL, SIL, SIL BF, and nieces and nephew in church this morning. Of course MIL and SIL didn't say anything to me today (when the use to come say hi and give me a hug). But SIL BF and my niece came and give me a hug after service. It felt good that at least all of them don't agree with what he is doing.

Oh oooops I'm sorry 5 children. OH MY GOODNESS!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />
All youngen's too!!

Your faith is there Lashelle, and your little girls too! That is good. I truly hope he does come home, and next time to stay.

I'm surprised MIL and SIL treated you that way. But...maybe they are embarrassed by WH actions, and just don't know quite what to say right now. You don't think they agree with his adultery.....do you??? If they do...God correct em' all. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I'm glad you have a job to look forward too. When you learn to do taxes, it's something you can do for years, and
build up your own clientel. So, that is great. Good money in it too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Okay... so now we just need to find a way to get your van fixed and on the road. I can't see you walking with 5. I did with two. Do you have any friends that do the kindof work needed for the van? Does your H have a credit card...if so put the cost on that, and make him pay.

Pray alot for these needs. Find all the prayer chains you can find online and by phone. One I know of by heart is .... The 700 Club 1-800-759-0700, prayer lines open 24 hrs a day. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

{{{{{Lashelle & Children}}}}}

Lady

The dreams of children, like the ones your daughter is having, are mostly because she WANTS this to happen. All I see is a little girl who wants her daddy to come home and love her.

Where does your WH work? Is he with another church?

Honestly, I really feel you need to standup during church service and ask your congregation for help. Im willing to be that there is SOMEONE who may be willing to loan you a car, help out with utilities, or help get your van fixed.

You need to expose this man to his community. He needs to be shamed into it, because apparantly, this isnt hurting him at all. Not only does this call him on to the carpet, but your inlaws cant sit there and ignore the fact that YOU NEED HELP. Hugs are nice, but how is that going to help your five kids?

Lashelle, I am dying to help you. I've had the transportation problem- I had no car during a 5 month seperation with my H. Luckily, I lived in the same town as my parents, so my mom would take us for groceries when I needed them. I wish Id had a car so I could have gotten my own job, but everything worked out in the end.

If I am in a position early next month to send you just a little money (even if its for something like Christmas presents), Im going to. I'll be talking to my husband today after he gets off work.

Do you need clothes for your kids? Or anything like that? If you won't take cash from us, could we send a present for each child?

Hey Lady,

I am surprise they treated me that way too when they have been so supportive of me and so disgusted with WH. Maybe they are embarrassed. I seems that on of my niece's (6) came up to my DD (9) and said that Grandma (MIL) told her that we were on Food Stamp b/c we were poor. Well that just p*sses me off b/c MIL failed to mention that it is b/c of her son that we are living this way. I just wanted to call her and let her have it last night but I held off b/c I was too angry. The only CC that WH has now is his company CC which I am not authorized to use.

Hey Mojodiva,

WH is not attending any church, he has totally thrown his religion out the window. I was thinking of asking the Pastor if the church could help me at least get the van fixed b/c next week I have tax training and w/o a vehicle, I won't be able to go and I won't be able to work. I have a friend who lives 30 miles away to come take me to the store every week and I just feel so bad having to have her do this even though she does not mind at all. Luckily all the kids except DD (9) is good on the clothes and coats they can wear what the had last year, DD (9) who grew like a spout, I just let her wear my coat and a few things that I had brought for her early this year off of the clearance racks.

I do need to figure out a way to "call him to the carpet" and make him ashamed for what he is doing to us. But in the process I don't want the kids to be hurt by other kids making fun of them or whatever.

Didn't realized that I had a message on cell phone until this morning. WH called me around 4 p.m. yesterday while we were still in church. Anyways he asked if he could spend the rest of the day with the kids. Did not even mention anything about the message I left him Sat. morning. Nothing about helping us get transportation or fixing the van. I know he is going to act like he never got the message. Was thinking about emailing him the message again.

Lashelle-

Time to give him a major reality check. Give him a call and point blank tell him: "WH, I've been waiting impatiently for those divorce papers. Where are they? I really would like them delivered this week. Where is your attorney's office? I'd like to go pick them up today or tomorrow."

Also, I've talked to my hubby, so a Private Message is on its way to you on this forum, don't forget to check.

Darn it, I think private messaging is disabled. Could you post an email address I can contact you through?

Thanks Mojodiva,

That sounds good, I think I will call him and tell him that.
I can't believe what an a** he is being. I never in a million years thought that he would do this to me let alone the kids, my heart just aches with all this sometimes. When will he wake up and realize what he is doing.

I went to the store today and got everything I needed to make Thanksgiving dinner. I invited all of my family and most of them are coming. I wanted the kids to enjoy the holiday. We still have alot to be thankful for. After dinner we are going to put up the Christmas tree and all the trimmings then watch Christmas Vacation with Chevy Chase like we always have done, I just hope this doesn't make them miss their dad too much.

My email address is lashell825@yahoo.com